karate help pls?

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Hi- new here. I'm the mom of a 12 yr old aspie son. He has been taking karate lessons for 3 yrs. Went to his 1st tournament this past weekend. He did not win anything and was horribly dissapointed (despite the prior prep work by me telling him he may not win, etc. etc. ). Anyway, he rumbled and got upset at the tourney. He wanted to go... He just is not atheletic. I don't know what to do. Should I take him out, or what... This is also rough on my marriage when gets so upset...

Does your son want to continue with Karate? If he has no aptitude for it and frustration is his only reward, no matter how hard he works at it, he might benefit from trying a new activity. If he does enjoy it, and wants to continue, maybe you could find a way for him to participate without competing in tournaments? That way he could get the benefits (fitness, strength, discipline etc.) without the stress and frustration.

My son who is 8, took Karate for 3 seasons. Even though he always practised in between lessons and tried his very best, he does not yet have the focus or coordination to advance. After the 3rd time trying, and seeing kids much younger than him or who had only been in the dojo for 1 season moving forward, he felt completely frustrated and humiliated, despite all of our encouragement and talks about everyone learning at their own pace etc. It made us really sad for him to quit, because he was starting to form some friendships there and we could see all of the positives about learning Karate, but his self esteem was really taking a beating and he was starting to hate, hate, hate Karate. So we allowed him to stop.

The great thing about Karate is that you can take it up again at any age, and maybe in a few years with more maturity, strength and coordination your son (and mine!) could enjoy it more.

And hi, welcome to WP!

sounds like my nephew. Who's not Aspie, but can't stand to lose (or not to win is enough)
No, don't take him out. He just learned (ok, with difficulties) that not everything may work as hoped for. Karate is great for that and for a lot of other things, eg getting around him not being athletic at least a bit.
That was a single event. Next time he will be prepared (hopefully).

Thank you both for your reply. Wow- am I glad I found this place. I have no one to talk with about these things... My friends don't have the same experiences with their kids. I just don't think they understand what I mean. And, without someone to discuss the latest "issue" with, I just fret and stew and fret and think I am in need of help too. Thank you so much. I will see if my son wants to continue class. And, I will make sure my husband doesn't push the tourneys so much. I think the exercise is critical for him, just not the heartache so much.

I am sad to hear about the self-esteem issues but glad to know that I am not alone. My son is 11 and tried karate when he was 6. He was the only one in that class and the instructor was too intense for him. He had not been diagnosed yet. He quit after 3 lessons. His muscle coordination and strength did not allow him to properly do some of the exercises and stances. He actually started crying while trying "horse stances". I just could not handle his obvious discomfort. We have had opportunities to join as a family since he has matured but he will not participate. I believe that it would give him a lot of self confidence. I agree with the post that suggested for him to continue for his enjoyment but not to compete. Good luck.

Karate is not about tournaments. Many people practice for decades without ever entering a tournament.

If he has been training for 3 years then he is probably a senior. i.e. fighting vs black/brown belts. That would be very tough.

Does that mean that he did not win any fights or just did not get a trophy or medal? I finished 3rd in my first tournament and did not get a medal. I was really not happy!

Was he out of his depth or did he just get an unlucky draw?

If he was out of his depth then maybe he could fight at a lower grade category next time. I fought at intermediate level rather than senior for quite a while. Once you get to senior level most people are not going to win anything. I'd say have a word with the instructor.

I loved tournaments even though I never actually won one. Tournaments where you are guaranteed at least two or three fights are the best. To travel a long way and be out after just one fight is tough.

There are some people who think that if you do not burst into tears after losing an important game then you are not passionate enough

Big K
Thank you for your thoughts. Yes, my son is a high rank which means his fellow competitors are tough indeed. Sometimes, I wish he was a lower rank. However, at his old karate school, the instructor moved them up a belt rank pretty much every 6 months if they could do a few basic skills and perform a kata or two. In retrospect, that wasn't a good thing at all. He has been at his new school one year. The instructor is older and wiser and really knows the deal. However, he promised to not take away his belt rank when he started there. This was a relief, but at the tournament it was a tough thing. Maybe, if he chooses to do any more tournaments, I'll make sure they are local. I think there must be a positive side to it all to get out there and challenge yourself.

i do chi sao, sword form, soft contact sparring, and etc.

I am sad to say i just think that karate and AS is a bad mix. Until i reached a certain level of knowledge it just would have worked out badly for me and any aspie i have known well.

My suggestion is that if you want to continue this direction, that you should learn soft contact sparring and study up on sticky hands and tai chi. Aspies need meditative movement, not combative movement- or we just get amped up and overworked.

Its a vibe thing.

Some aspies around here defy my preconcieved notions, so, everybody is different and i might be dead wrong since i don;t have much info to go on. But my suspicion is that the best advice is to change up on the theme and convert over to stuff
which will help him acheive mental clarity and calmness- not the stuff thats over yang and yang buzzing.

Karate sucks, do Brazilian Jiujitsu.

It's also possible that he was expressing natural disappointment very intensely. The intensity can be frightening, but what does he want to do next? Maybe the intensity of expression doesn't mean that it's really the end of the world.

You can take karate lessons and not participate in tournaments

My 10 year old son (with Asperger's) and I started Taekwondo together 1 year ago.

There is so much more to martial arts than tournaments. My son is aware that he is not the most coordinated and he focuses on the stuff he loves - training, the friendships he's made and the social side of the club (camps, annual trip to a theme park etc).

Before we started Taekwondo we had a long discussion - we discussed that neither of us are natural athletes, so we have to practice longer and harder. One of his classmates who is a natural athlete goes to the same Taekwondo school and my son and I disucssed that my son will not progress as quickly through belt ranks as his classmate.

My son is much better academically then his athletic classmate so we had a general discussion about strengths and weaknesses.

I'm rambling!

I wouldn't take your son out of karate - just redirect his focus to other aspect of the sport he enjoys.

Helen

The UK announced that they are setting up guidelines for teaching Karate to people with AS starting in 1/09.

The head of the Karate organization in the UK announced that he has AS.

Maybe we need to get on this bandwagon. Karate is helpful since AS is targeted for bullying and the social atmosphere and physical training all have the potential to be helpful to anyone with AS. Belts and winning tournaments are secondary benefits.