Night Accidents

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My six yo aspie daughter is still having accidents at night. She wakes up but does not make the effort to get out of bed. When I asked her why she doesn't get up, she says that she didn't feel like it. This morning, she was laying in bed awake and reading. When she needed to go potty, she decided to wait until she couldn't hold it anymore. She had an accident on the floor and got mad that she wasn't given a pull-up so that she didn't have to worry about it any more. She WANTS to be in diapers so that she doesn't have to use the bathroom if she is otherwise occupied. She feels she is justified because this is what she wants. I have tried being understanding, repremanding, explaining, awarding, ect and I am at a loss. Any ideas? I know that it takes some kids longer, but it isn't that she doesn't know how to, she doesn't WANT to.

My AS son was about 7 before he got night time sussed. My NT daughter was 6. With having three children close together, I decided not to battle with it too much.

If you are convinced that your daughter could do something about it, why not try natural consequences ie. she has to clean up, change sheets etc., or at least assist with it. My AS son used to wreck his bed when he got sent to his room for bad behaviour, but ever since I refused to make it, and only help, it hardly happens. In fact, sometimes I just stood and gave directions. They soon learn that it takes less time to stop the behaviour than it takes to fix the mess at the end.

That is a great suggestion and one that I tried. I started making her strip her own bed when she had accidents, but after a while she was used to it and considered stripping the bed and taking a morning bath part of the daily ritual. It has no effect on her now. I have tried to explain that she is not a baby anymore and that if she wants to do big kid things (like karate or art class) then she needs to prove that she is a big kid. It works enough for her to want to have the big kid things, but she either can't make the connection from the reward to the act or she is wanting her cake and eat it too. I can't decipher which it is. She has times when the melt downs are very intense over any old thing. I have noticed when she has these, she feels the need to regress. I emphasis the word feels because she is COMPLETELY aware of how she is acting and wants to be allowed to act like a baby, kicking and screaming. WHen she is in a melt-down, you cannot get her to come out until she is ready to. When she is acting like a baby, she is requesting everyone do everything for her (which we don't comply) and she pitches full-on fits when she doesn't get her way. That is when she starts with the potty problems and the accidents in the day because she didn't want to have to get up and go just yet. My husband is beginning to react as if it is a personal attack on us. To be honest, she may be getting back at us for not getting her way when she is in the regression period. It feels like the terrible twos that never ended. Is this aspie or is this a battle of wills?

Aspie or a battle of wills ...

A little bit of both.

My AS son does near full on baby regression, too, when he is at his most stressed. I actually give into it - for a very limited amount of time. Somehow it calms him, and recognizing that helps him get through whatever internal process he needs to. But it also would be ridiculous to allow this all the time, so after I've sensed that he has let go of his stress, and has stayed calm and peaceful for a while, I will tell him that this is enough, and it's time for my big boy to come back. I really can feel the changes in him, he is different when the stress is gone, so I'm comfortable that when it's time to move on, it's time to move on.

My NT daughter also likes the baby act, but with her it is an act. Similar motive, though - to go backwards to a time when less was expected, and the love more unconditional (to the child's eyes), but because it isn't a self-calming tool with her, I handle it differently. I tell her that I recognize she needs extra attention, and we arrange that minus the baby act.

My NT daughter is also the one who at age 8 still has the occasional potty accident. I think she believes she can hold it, but her muscles aren't always willing to aid her. This happens with kids, and we try not to make a big deal of it, just repeating what she can do to prevent it, and making it clear that we expect her to.

I would suspect that your daughter doesn't have the muscle control that she believes she has and, rather than admit to herself or to you, she adopts the "I don't care" attitude. I've noticed with my AS son that such an attitude is often defensive, for a skill he is having too much trouble with. Instead of stressing over it, he decides he doesn't need that skill.