what would you do

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Nate is in kindergarten but he is the youngest as his birthday is in August. He is also the smallest and fits in well with kids who will be in kindergarten next year (still has difficulties with socialization and sensory issues regardless). He currently attends a private school with only 10 other kids.

Private school is expensive

He is high average academically but his attention span really gets in the way of him performing. He has more difficulty in reading than math but is still high. It's just his attention span is short when it comes to reading. He has no behaviors school but kindergarten is only a half a day and he doesn't have a lot of unstructured time. He attends after school care and that is where some of his behaviors come out. He is still fine, though as long as he is able to use the computer, play with blocks and do his homework.

So, advice?

1. Do I send him to kindergarten full day at the school I currently work at? The public school focuses on math and technology and I work there

2. Send him to kindergarten half day at the school I currently work at?

3. Send him to 1st grade at the school I work at?

4. Pay for the private school next year and send him to first grade?

The reason why I would send him to kindergarten again at the public school is because he will have to get used to 25 kids instead of 10. His behaviors could get worse. I can guarantee that he will have attention issues as well. In addition, he would have an extra year to grow and mature more. I work at the public school so I would be able to request the teacher I want him to have each year.

Private school seems perfect for him. He loves it and it is far less stimulus than the public school. I was thinking it could be great, though to work at the same school he attends.

I don't know. He has a few months to go before I make any decisions. It is just so hard.

If it were me, based on the information you gave, I'd keep him in kindergarten. Whether he goes half or full time is up to you, as you know how he already performs in private school, and you know the school and teachers better.

Things to consider-you will be at the public school he might go to--would that be a help or a hindrance if he went there? There's some good pros to it, but I can see some cons, too, yet being a part of that system is a benefit, too.

Are you stuck with your decision? If things don't work out with your choice (which hopefully won't happen, but just in case), can you move him to the other institution?

You didn't say if he needed any kind of educational therapy, but can he get that at either school? What kinds are available?

It sounds like you're really taking care, and I applaud you. But it's wrenching, isn't it?

I think he'll do well no matter what you choose because you'll jump in when needed.

Good luck.

Metta, R.

I would let it ride where he is and see what happens. The problem with a private school tho is you cannot get an IEP if he ends up needing an Aide down the road, but down the road you can change your mind. (I know you know this too lol)

I know with my boys the older they got, the more unstructured time/independent work they have in each grade and it gets harder and harder for them. When it reaches that point then you can make a decision. But if he's doing well now, why rock the boat?

Lainie

My kindergarten teacher recommended that I repeat a year because I 'didn't socialize well with other children'. She thought that another year would help. Well, I didnt repeat the year, and now that I am 22 years old, graduated from college, and living independently, I still haven't magically become a social person. Your son isnt social, and no amount of holding him back or repeating a year will make him social. That is like delaying labor hoping that the baby boy inside of you will turn into a girl if you just wait another week.

You cant do anything to improve his socialization except a lifetime of experiences that he will have to process by himself. When he is older, has a great deal of experience and understanding, and good mature peers, then he will be able to socialize effectively on terms that work for him. But repeating a year of pre-school wont help him fit in any better (extreme weirdness doesnt have an age limit). The other children just arent mature enough to be interested in his topics of interest, and he has no patience for them. If your waiting for him to develop skills like sharing effectively, and other such 'proper' social things then he very well could be in kindergarten for several years. Your son seems like an intelligent person from what I can figure, do you really want him to waste his time doing things that are beneath his cognitive abilities simply because he doesnt play ball the way a teacher thinks he should?

I know that most of the time I spent in school was a colossal waste of my time learning things I already knew at a pace that was excruciatingly slow for me. If your son has to repeat a year, and then take classes a year behind him, he is going to be even more bored, and dislike school as an enormous waste of time (which it was for me).

Put him in a class that is more suited to his cognitive abilities then his social ones. Whether he socializes poorly with kindergartners or first or second graders really doesnt make that much of a difference, but getting a good education that suites him would do wonders to improve his mind, and his self esteem, which will in turn lead to being better socially.

As far as his short attention span while reading: what are you trying to get him to read that he doesnt want to? If your just showing him those stupid books about how spot went to the dog park then he may just be bored out of his mind. Try getting him an article about something that he likes, and having him read that. Popular mechanics, and popular science are 2 magazines you may want to look at. They offer interesting articles about techy things, but are fairly simple to read.

As far as the private school vs. the school you work at. I would say go with one which has the better environment. I know that I would rather be in a class of 25 nice people with a helpful teacher then a class of 10 crazy lunatics with an angry teacher. Small class size doesnt always mean better. Perhaps the most important aspect of your choice is the teacher. The school can make up all the rules they want about class conduct, and what should and shouldnt be done. But it is up to the teacher to make it happen (or not happen). I had a third grade teacher who was a mean, vindictive, and angry person who made my life miserable. She would tell me to shut up, and always picked on me as a example of what not to do, then looked the other way when my classmates made my life miserable. Comparatively, my second grade teacher was very nice, supportive, and looked out for me to make sure the other children didnt pick on me. She also never forced me into anything I was uncomfortable with such as school plays or team sports.

So, recap:

place his location depending on which area has the better teacher, because that is far more important then class size, or what is the 'official' policy.

place his grade on where he is cognitively. He is going to be socially awkward no matter what grade you put him in, he might as well get a good education while being strange.

If he is having problems with noisy, unstructured environments then just make sure he has something to put his mind to, such as a book that he finds interesting, or a gameboy game he likes to play.

Switch from the 'age appropriate' books that have no plot line, or anything intresting to books that contain information he finds cool. For example, books I read about his age were things like this:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/bookse ... n-Marshall

Cut away, or cross section books are very interesting (at least to me) and have little 1 paragraph blurbs saying what various components do. I think I have (or had) 20-30 of this sort of book, mostly bought from the libraries' old book sales.

Oh and I would NOT hold him back. I have read many disaster story's about this. Especially if he is high academic.

Even if you transfered him to the public school and needs an aide, they can put those things in place so he can access his curriculm (I know I spelled that wrong).

Tracker, we were posting at the same time. I completly agree with you.

I think having him attend the same school you work at is a big mistake. He needs time away from mommy's comfort zone.

Just my .02:

He's in kindergarten! how many kindergarteners do you know with great attention spans? Why worry about his "performing" at 5?

I guess if he loves it , public school would be 25 kids vs. 10 kids and all that implies, maybe that's your answer?

I have some bias on this question, as I have long wished that I had held my NT daughter back a year. We had the perfect opportunity, much as you do: she could have attended K at the private preschool, and then attended K again at the public school, with the school switch basically blocking any repeat stigma. I couldn't figure it out and so followed the advice that if it isn't obvious, go with the age guidelines set by the school. And, well, that cost less, so I was happy.

I had actually discussed it with my daughter, and she did have a preference, which was to do K at the preschool. Seems she knew herself pretty well.

Every single fall we struggle with a maturity gap. She is smart and doing well academically, but she is never quite ready for the increase in expectations that greet her each fall. We face tears and frustration every year for a few months until she has finally grown into it. This could play out differently with a child with a 504 or IEP, but I have no experience to say.

I think the question you are facing is one of the hardest. Overall, I know more parents who regret not holding back, than who regret having done so.

Listen to your instinct, and ASK YOUR CHILD.

my son has a 1st week of january birthday. when it was time to make the decision about private preschool vs. public kindergarten, we asked our pediatrician & our son's preschool teacher what to do...should we send him to kindergarten early? should we keep him in preschool ?
the pediatrician answered "send him early". the teacher answered " keep him in preschool " ...........ultimately we decided to keep him in preschool- with the understanding that he would be doing different, more challenging work. son was not socially prepared for kindergarten. even after keeping him back, kindergarten was difficult.