my stepson my have aspergers can anyone help me?

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My stepson, is 12 but he dosent look 12 he looks 8 or 9 he is very slow at completing tasks and speaking. He dosent have many friends and has very poor social social skills. He is horrible with math and most subjects he dosent get much home work but it takes him 2 hours to do it. His motor skills are poor he still hasent mastered how to hold a knife and fork. Im worried for him he has beenin the special class his whole life and all they do there is show them how to bake and dont do much work. I have put him in the regulare classes for half they day know. He is also extremly forgetfull.

He is also 3 months premature at birth. I think he shows signs of aspergers, Im not sure. As a step parent this is so difficult for me because I cannot help him and his biological mother may have aspergers also and she is NO HELP.

I dont know wha to do,there is a waitting list where we live to see the specialist for ages and I need some answers and also another school. Can anyone help me with this. We will be moving to NYC next summer where I will be researching different schools

If he is 12 and cannot use a fork, get onto a wait list immedaitely and get him some proper help. If you do not get him help, there are hundreds of people on this board who can tell you the unmitigated hell he will go through if he has a life of undiagnosed and untreated autism.

Now if he were socially OK and doing well, that wouldbe another story. There are many on here who see their autism as a difference and not a disorder. But for the most part it is easier to take that view of your life is not horribly disrupted by the autism.

If he as as much trouble as you indicate, you need to seek help before it's too late. It is already late. But not too late.

I wish you both the best.

In NY State, a diagnosis on the autism spectrum automatically entitles a child to certain kinds of therapy - speech, definitely; I don't know what else. I don't know until what age, but because of that, it is sometimes difficult to get the diagnosis - especially through the schools. Regardless of what you are planning to do in the summer, you should get whatever evaluations you can get done now. By "you," obviously I don't really mean you, since you don't have any rights. The child's father, however, does unless there's a custody order limiting all medical and educational decisions to the mother. He should request an evaluation from the school for OT (occupational therapy), PT (physical therapy), general educational evaluation, speech (including pragmatics), and anything else you can think of. The request MUST be in writing, and dated. They will probably have their own form that you will need to complete. Do it asap. Demand that they provide it. Keep copies of everything. There are time lines within which things must be done - everything takes much too long, but if it never gets started, it never gets done. Find out if there is a local group that can help you with the idiosyncrasies of your school district and your state's regulations.

Unless the parents start calling meetings and making it clear to the school that they are dissatisfied, and that it is more trouble to leave things as they are than to change them, the school has no reason to change them. The parents have to act, and if the mother won't, the father must.

It does sound as if the child isn't being served properly, and jat (above) posted good information about how to deal with the school on that.

Meanwhile, what can be done from your family's end might be:

1) Occupational therapy. If you have medical insurance, you may be able to arrange this through the pediatrician. An OT can provide exercises and ideas to improve motor skills, both during sessions and for you to follow up with at home.

2) Arrange for a medical evaluation through the pediatrician, and note that you believe the child may be on the autistic spectrum.

3) Read all you can so that you can help the child as much as possible while in your home.

If the child is in special classes, the school must have some label off the list assigned to the child. Do you know what the label is, and do the biological parents agree with it?

Overall, I think you are in a difficult situation, with wanting to help but having limited legal authority. Still, you CAN make a difference, and I am glad to hear that you wish to.

kbear,

What makes yo think he has AS? He SOUNDS like someone with stunted development due to being premature. That is not all that uncommon for premies.

Frankly, what you described doesn't sound like AS or even autism.

I was wondering about the dx the school has provided as well? Do you not feel the educational dx is not correct? I am wondering if the current dx is cognitive impairment. A lot of children who have that dx do tend to show some behaviors assocaited with autism but they are not necessarily on the autism spectrum. That is true of some other disabilities as well. 2ukenkerl has a good point as I was wondering that as well. I am not saying you are incorrect. This is the internet and we only have limited information.

I am wondering why you feel it is Aspergers? Are there more reasons?

DWmom has some great advice, though!!

I dunno... how's what you're describing different from basic developmental delay? AS seems more specific... With Asperger's, you'd see social skills way behind everything else, also repetitive behavior, really strong interests, and a general inability to use or read body language... I mean, you're saying he's about like a nine year old in everything, and unless he's even more behind with the social and communication stuff, I'd be looking at some other label.

Them being right about his label (or lack of label) doesn't mean that they're helping him properly though. Kids are individuals anyway, and labels can't predict what they'll need. If you think he is not getting what he needs, speaking up is the best thing you can do.