The Good Parent Speech

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I love you.
I want you.
I'm proud of you.
You can trust me.
You're special to me.
I'll take care of you.
My love will make you well.
You can trust your own inner voice.
You don't have to be afraid any more.
It's not what you do that I love, but who you are.
I love you and give you permission to be different from me.
Sometimes I tell you 'no', and that's because I love you.
I'll be there for you, even when you die.
Be a loving 'parent' to yourself as well as your children.
Remind yourself of this love each day.


- 8 year old Sara Keeley

That is pretty good.

It is written by a child so if you think it's sarcastic it is because you are not understanding it from a child's perspective.
You can see the innocence, if you read and understand that.
I think for an 8 year old she is very emotionally intelligent. It is really beautiful for being from a child. I don't know who she's wrote it to. I guess, likely her mom. I am thinking that is the values she see's and of her mom or parent hold.

No, it is not my daughters poem. My daughter doesn't never go on about feelings except when she is pissed off.
She will say 'I love you mom' and sometimes she gives beautiful hugs. Most of the time it seems I am trying to control or manage her temper and stop her going hype. This has been the most time i have spent with her this year, i think. I usually have her for one day or two at the most. She is staying with me until new years, hopefully. She still has tantrums like a toddler except worse cause she is alot older than a toddler.

I think my daughter can be just as emotionally intelligent or insightful as other girls her age. It is just that she has fixated interests. Her life, her focuse is all of her special interests and that is it. Her obsessions can be hard to control. It causes alot of trouble. I guess that is apart of being AS.
Still, it is good she has alot of passions and interests. At the moment it is pokemon. I find it so boring listening to her go on about the same thing all the time and she seems to find everything i go on about really boring. It can be difficult to just have a conversation.

She seems alot more immature or 'nerd like' than when i was her age but 'intellectually' she is alot brighter than I ever was. She has a really good sense of humour. I think because I have AS and so does she, we kind of clash, that is what the psychologist said. Since she turned 11. I don't know if it is hormonal because she is pre adolescent but she has become so disrespectful and out control at times. She can be very violent.
I try to understand her as best I can so we can get along. It isn't easy. It never has been. The anger she can have. Her temper She is unbelievably stubborn too. People say well who has she learnt that off. She doesn't get her temper or of being stubborn off me. It's more part of her Dad's temperament.

Why do you want to know..?
Mostly she loves reading. She is an avid reader. She reads books I would not have a hope of ever reading and she can read them in one day.

My DD is also eleven and it's had to distinguish what is preadolescence and what is just her AS coming out. I have taken advice from the board and tried to give in or pursue her obsessions and that I think helps. Let her lead the way and you follow. My DD is obsessed with cardmaking. So I got her tons of beautiuful things to make cards with throughout the year. It will keep her busy, creative, and feeling good about doing of others. She loves trivia so I got her trivia games and this has helped immensely at all the family parties this holiday season. She was the hit of the parties with bringing all her games! I got "Scattergories", "Catch Phrase", and "Fact of Crap", and "Apples to Apples" and she had a ball and so did everyone else in the family. I have changed my lenses and just trying to see/appreciate what she does now and having more fun!

Thanks and hang in there, you are not alone!
Lucy

Then do your best to read too her, take that time and do with her what she likes to do. She never wants me to read to her. She rather read her books alone and can you beleive I played Monopoly. She keeps wanting to play that. Why, I think did I ever by that game cause I hate it. I know it's quality of time spent that is important and not quantity. I at times struggle with this because I like to be myself. I rather do solitary activites than shared. She is like this alot and that suits me.

As the parent I am the one that needs to make an effort and show interest. Usually when she does I will though. She will be so happy to just talk about her special interests and I listen and I listen and I listen some more and then I just have to say be quiet. She still talks some more and more and I say, "I really don't want to listen no more" and then she just says this is one more and important so I listen a little more about the same thing.
"Ok that is enough' and she will proberly say a bit more. Sigh, cause to be honest, she talks like this at me alot. I really am not that interested and I can't concentrate on what she is saying especially if I am feeling annoyed cause she keeps going on and on about the same thing. This is what our communication has always been like, limited and it always seems frustrating.

She is even more short and inpatient with me. Most of the times I only start to talk and she sayin be quiet. If I ever get to talk more she seems to be really bored and uninterested. Again, she just wants me not to talk at all. I thought what I was sharing was interesting. Not to her, not unless it has got to do with what she is interested. I really don't want to here about how special her pokemon cards are again and in detail of what every one means and how much power they have etc

At times I have felt so frustrated I have just said, "shut up'
Many times when I am speaking she gets agigatated and is telling me to 'shut up.

Try and actively include her in everything you do and praise her for it when she does. Thankyou, that is good advice except I don't really want to actively include her most of what I do.
I know I should more. Praise is great way to build up a relationship and her confidence. I know encouragment is very important. - Thankyou for reminding me of this.

That poem was so beautiful, it brought me to tears. It is truley amazing the pure love and thoughtfulness that children have. I am very impressed with how simply Sara stated things, but how insightful her words were. Adults are so busy with work, raising kids, and just life in general that we sometimes lose sight of what kids can see so clearly.

But to note that poem is beautiful, it shows a reflection of empathy and caring and love, that she relates.

I am not an angry parent. I have been the one that has been most tolerate to listening to her go on and on about her same interests. Sometimes I just pretend to listen to her and that's no stress. It seems to drive every one else crazy. Her teachers tell her to go away. Other children her age put thier hands over their ears because 'no, not again' They have heard this all year. She is so excited of what she is talking about. She doesn't seem notice or care about other peoples reactions. They will go 'No No Please Stop!' and she will just keep happily chatting away regardless.

She is a lovely girl, that is what other people say. Alot of other children her age like her and want to be friends except the friendships never last long and just because she won't stop talking about fixated interests.

I have learnt some about AS and then no more! I don't want to know. I hate the way it has impaired my daughters functioning. She has it alot worse than I did as a child. I wasnt obsessive. I wasnt clumsy. I just never talked that much and could be withdrawn. Most people didnt ever get to know me. They didnt never understand or why I was different. I didnt notice only that I felt confused. Nothing every really seemd to make sense and that was just a feeling and I didnt understand.

Other children seemed to focus and express feelings that I didnt connect to. They could follow instructions. They could understand what the teacher was saying. I never did. I was always thinking about something else. I was always in my own dream and I never escaped. I tried. I always tried.
I am still there today. I still feel lost and I can't escape -
- sometimes I can. That is what is different as an adult - sometimes. As a child - never.

I'm a single parent. I have been told that it is normal for a child to see themselves as equal because you are just like friends. That is really good relationship to have. In others ways, however, it isnt but that is just the way it is.

What I want to change is of her having autism. That is what AS is an autism spectrum disorder. Intially, she was diagnosed with ASD. I don't know of what I can do to change some situations that I need to. It is a confusing world to just understanding where I belong and who I am in regards to having AS. Then I have a daughter, who is alot different to me but with the same problem I don't even understand what is of my own issue. So how am I supposed to help her. - That's not so much question as to what I think and I feel confused.

I resent AS because some times I feel as a parent powerless because I have difficulty with organisation and can be very inattentive. Similar to my daughter. To focus on her and
teach her those skills and disciplines that I myself struggle with is difficult.

She spins around the room like a tornado. She is an expert at making a mess. She is not tidy. She goes from one idea to the next with out ever following something through. Every day is a new obsession.

I find it difficult to concentrate when she is with me. Sometimes, I get a headache. She is the type of kid that just makes you feel dizzy. She never keeps still and that is just the way she is.
I accept that. Except I can't cope with all I need to do as a parent because simply I can't focus.

many may disagree with what I am about to suggest but almost just as many has found success trying it, try putting her on ADHD medications for a few months and see how that works out, if it does not help you can always take her off it.