we're calling it quits

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I can't believe it, but my husband and I have finally decided to separate. I don't really know how it happened. Our therapist was asking me what I was contributing to help work out the situation, and I just lost it. I said, I guess I realize that I really don't want to make a contribution at all. And then it suddenly seemed so clear that I really didn't want to try to make it work anymore.
I guess I should be sad, but I am actually very happy and relieved. Nervous about the future, but relieved. I think it's the best thing for all of us.

wow.
hope things work out

There are times it comes to this. Is your husband on the same page as you? It still will be difficult; there is no "easy" here; but I do wish you both the best.

Divorce is so common now. It would be more post-worthy if you guys had decided to stay together.

well congratulations! i divorced my hubby 7 years ago and it was the best thing i ever did! everything happens for a reason..

I do think that most people who decide to separate find themselves happier afterwards, but I don't want this thread to make it look like marriage is a bad thing. It is marriage to the wrong person (or in a situation that has changed so dramatically the two no longer fit) that is a bad thing. The stress of trying to make something work when it just isn't right is going to take it's toll. Sometimes you don't realize how much stress there has been until you finally make the choice to make a change.

Kramer, aren't you planning to stay with your current girlfriend? Is the new relationship finally the "right" one for you? Sorry, loaded question for a public message board she may read. You don't have to answer, of course.

As for us, we plan to stay married But every situation is different.

Best wishes to you.

The one thing I can say that would've helped is if my husband would have at least acknowledged that he might be an aspie and that our communication problems were more complicated that just that I had an anger issue. It is just ridiculous for him to say that the reason he never got along with our son is my fault, when he is the one who hardly acknowledges that our son is in the room, refuses to play with him because "he can't play games that he is not interested in," and makes absolutely no effort to learn to make an emotional connection with him whatsoever.

If he would've admitted his role in our issues, it would've been easier for me to try to work with him. But if someone isn't taking any responsibility for himself and wants to act like he is perfect when he is so obviously not, it is just completely beyond me how I am supposed to work with him.

I have been the one taking care of our son, going to IEP and regional center meetings, talking to therapists and couselors, managing endless appointments, etc. I have been the one taking care of the house, making sure the car gets serviced and cleaned, etc, etc, etc. His only job has been to go to work and take out the garbage, and most of the time I am trying to make meals in a kitchen piled high with unemptied trash. And then he gives me an attitude anytime I ask for help or if the house is not spotless. The ironic thing is that I have been paying for half the rent, and I'm not even working. I realized that I am as good as alone anyway.

Perhaps a seperation will shake him awake.
I wish the best for both of you. Who knows, maybe he'll make more effort when he realises that he misses you. Maybe he could work on himself to win you back.
Perhaps the relationship needs this to get back on track.
(Perhaps this sounds naive, but I do mean well.)

My husband and I have been now married 17 years, but almost divorced a couple of years ago. He was traveling alot and we just were under too much stress, and my not special needs son was a handful during middle school.

During that time, the kids knew we were heading towards divorce and discussed it with them. We were still living together and he traveled weekly and came home weekends. I now.. know, how HARD the kids take seperation or divorce. It pushed my son over the edge emotionally, and my daughter (aspie) too. We were lucky to work things out. But, if I had it to re-do I would of handled it better for the children's sake.

Make sure you have a "PLAN" a family plan and try to be kind to each other especially in front of the kids, show the kids it is going to be alright and they are not going to be stuck in the middle or no ever be a family again. Go out as a family seperated, divorced often. They, need to know they still have both a mommy and a daddy there for them. Then, really keep an eye on your children and who they choose to hang out with at school. This drives them to emotionally make poor choices, because it is so scary for them and they can't express. Put those kids in therapy too right away!

Good Luck either way!

Chances are hubby has been as miserable as you for as long as you. However i promise you he has had a plan he understands you're gonna get half or everything, he'll probably hope you agree to no pursue him for child support.

Queue sports car and bimbo in 5,4,3 ..