22 Year old daughter with Autism

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Hello, my name is Deb and I have a 22 year old daughter with Autism and Auditory Processing Disorder. I was unsure where to go to ask for help with this situation. Here is my problem: I have no idea of what to do with her.. Is there group housing available for her? Is there someone that I could go to for help? Is there an organization that helps parents find a safe environment? I live in an area that has little to no options.

Hi Deb. I realize you're frustrated... Hopefully you won't get too much backlash here, but I know that a lot of folks on the spectrum (myself included) can get pretty upset by the notion of imposing "group housing" on someone. Everyone's situation is different however. I don't have much information on that front myself though. I would refer you to some other organizations like GRASP for example.

It might help to have some idea how seriously affected she is, and where she is at with the acquisition of life skills. Does she have talents that could be employed to her advantage? Many, many autistics acquire independence (which is the goal, obviously), but it really depends on the unique individual. If there are not any services in your area, however, I'm not sure what to do tell you. While we have an agency here that finds employment for those with various difficulties, that agency only works with individuals in live in this county, and may lose it's funding regardless.

As DW... said, we could use a little more information.

I have a daughter on the spectrum who is 22. Fortunately, she's quite high-functioning and I've been working with her every spare moment on the interpersonal "stuff" she needs to know to get by. She's coming up on six months now at her first real "professional-level" job and is improving at it daily.

I am 52 and on the spectrum, and have an auditory processing disorder as well, although it may not be the same as what your daughter deals with. It takes me some time to decode what I hear, and extraneous noise short-circuits everything. I've had a successful career (or three!) so it's doable, depending on the other circumstances.

Tell us more so that we can let you know our thoughts. Where are you? Is she officially diagnosed?

DesignerDeb,
what country are in?

am a twenty four year old with lf/ autism,and have lived in/have been living in a council owned-council run ld/dd institution,and residential homes since being moved out of family home at twenty [by social services],and currently waiting to be moved out of this residential to a better and more specialised res.

what would like to know about residential care? [that includes all forms of supported living].

As an adult with Aspergers and central auditory processing disorder I find your questions very offensive. I mean why do you think its someone else's responsibility to take over care of your daughter? You speak of her as if she was some old stray dog you are trying to get rid of when you say what are you going to do with her. Since people have Aspergers from birth why weren't you preparing her for the past 22 years to be self sufficient?

There are not Aspergers group homes you can go dump her off at. Only Kanners autism is considered disabled enough to get into a group home. So basically she is your responsibility if she doesn't become self sufficient. There is Vocational Rehab and sometimes they help Aspergers people if they say they want help in becoming employable. But they just help with training and testing they won't feed, clothe and put a roof over her head. For someone with auditory processing disorder there is special listening training that speech pathologists can do, but again you should have gone for help for that when she was a child. Its harder to treat as an adult.

This always offends me as an adult Aspergers hearing people refer to there AS kids as problems to deal with. I hear it all the time at autism society meetings. After all its the parents bad genetics that make us, its not like its our fault. You shouldn't conceive children unless you are prepared to deal with anything life should throw at you and there are plenty of children born with birth defects, disabilities or handicaps all the time. So basically she is your child- your responsibility not societies. It's sad you do not use the word love or concern for her anywhere in your post but rather express only concern for yourself.

If you want rid of her you need to start training her how to care for herself, how to deal with adult responsiblities, how to speak to others, make eye contact and then how to follow orders when on a job. Once you fulfill your parental responsibilities and teach her how to survive in the world maybe then she will leave and you won't have to worry about what to "do with her". In 20 or 30 years she may be asking strangers what to do with her aging mother and if there is a free nursing home she can go dump her off at.

i think the OP is just trying to find resources for her daughter. i don't think she meant any offense- sounds like she's overwhelmed with what seems to be a brand new dx...........
just to chime in with what the others said- so much depends on where you live. there are programs out there- you just have to do the research to find them. there are day programs & residential programs. so much depends on her level of functioning also. most over 21 programming involves 3 components- job training, daily living skills, and social skills. You need to find out what sort of services your daughter might qualify for- she *might* qualify for SSI or for services from your state's Bureau of Rehab Services.......check out your local autism society . best of luck

Honestly I have to say that Ticker described a lot of what went through my mind, although I was hesitant to say any of that. And although I didn't notice it before, the lack of words like "love" and "concern" in describing the situation for me is something of a confirmation of what I was thinking.

Having said that, the last decade or so has been so difficult for me personally that I'm not certain I wouldn't have preferred to have been dumped somewhere by one of my parents if they'd known about it before I got out on my own. I say this also because I've read studies that show that people are not good at predicting what will make them happy, so I would have to bet that I'm probably not much better at predicting what will make me happy either. So it's almost a toss-up for me honestly -- over a decade of continual firings (which are known to have a powerful negative influence on a person's mental health), or over a decade in an institution for a person with a high IQ who's perfectly competent to be an engineer and doesn't "feel disabled" (I was nearly offered either intelligence or nuclear training by the Navy and then became a computer programmer), merely because he has difficulty knowing how to tell people what they want to hear?

I think Ticker's right that the ethical and responsible way to help your daughter is to teach her the skills she lacks. I don't have family to help me as an option, so in my mid-30's I'm having to seek out the training and support on my own... there could be a different story for your daughter.

Folks, this is why I don't oppose abortion, even if they manage to come up with a test to detect autism in utero. I'm not saying I agree with it, but if we are not viewed as *people*.....

Deb, please realize that the majority of us probably have central auditory processing disorder along with our autism. Many of us are independent, have jobs, families of our own, etc, and are more intelligent than the average person. I do think we take longer to mature in some ways.

So, based on the minimal information about your daughter, I can't help feelign defensive on her behalf. My mother once said very similar things about me, except, thank god, she had no dx on me, or I'm quite sure she would have stuck me in a home. I'm now more responsible than she's ever been.

Ticker, I think you should read the OP again. She didn't say anywhere that her daughter has Asperger's.

DesignerDeb it would be helpful if you posted at least your country or state so we could come up with some local suggestions for you.

The comments in this thread that attack the OP are just disgusting. She is looking for resources, not criticism. One of my closest friends has an adult son with autism (nonverbal). He can't look after himself and she's looking for services to care for him. Parents usually do not outlive their children. It sounds like the OP really loves her daughter and is in need of compassion.

Tortuga, do you have Asperger's?

Please keep in mind that for those of us who do, being put in a group home is nearly our worst fear, right after being abused or neglected to death.

I mean, it's sort of like going to a site that specializes in independent, happy living for old people, respecting their rights and abilities and such, and saying, "I need a place to put my mom. She's getting old", without telling anyone whether Mom had Alzheimer's or is merely an interfering (but alert and cognizant) old bird that the daughter wants out of the way.