"You should find a psychologist"

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I took Nate and my other son to my doctor's this morning. He hasn't seen my two sons before. Nathan started the appt by getting the Legos located in the corner of the room to play with. He made a pretty neat pattern in about five minutes that he just had to show us. He was quite loud in wanting to show us and just had to tell us at that moment. It's hard to remind him about not interrupting when he is excited. Nate then went behind the doctors chair, flipped the lever, and the doctor's chair (and the doc) went down. It's one of those chairs that go up and down using the lever.

Following those two events, the doctor nicely encouraged me to seek out a psychologist to assist on behavior strategies LOL I guess I think it's pretty funny because what my child did is not a bad behavior. He really didn't know. It happened so quick. He wasn't out of control at all.

I asked him, "Did you know I am a school psychologist? I work with parents and teachers everyday on effective behavior strategies." I feel I am pretty darn good. I didn't say that. Appartently the doctor forgot and I don't go telling the world what I do. He looked surprised. I wanted to say, "My child should be absolutely perfect or have no behaviors because of what I do? He can't be curious about a lever?"

I am surprised I didn't get mad. Actually I thought it was pretty hilarious. He said that less than two minutes after Nate flipped that lever.

Just because a child acts a certain way for a brief period of time doesn't necessarily reflect how the child is in most situations. It also doesn't necessarily reflect how we parent. Just because a child "flips a lever" on a chair or interupts and must talk at that time doesn't make me a bad parent or him a horrible child. It is what happens at that specific time. He was curious about the lever. so he tested it out AND the lever worked LOL

It made me realize that sometimes 'we" need to laugh and not take things too personal. We need to realize that these people really don't know. It's not their fault. They can give us advice - the same advice over and over again, we can recite what they say in our sleep but they don't truly know. This whole experience today made me really look at what I am doing and how I am parenting and say, "I am doing a good job. If someone thinks I am not - oh well!" It doesn't matter really, does it? What matters the most is that we are there for our kids!! It also made me think even more that my child is a good child. He is a curious child. I have always known that but I just get to say again, today.

All of these experiences are going to help me even more working with parents who are in the same situation. I know because I am there. It's easy to recite information from a book or something they learned from school but it is so different when you or your child is on the spectrum. Every person is different whether they are on the spectrum or not. We just need to figure out what works and implement it.

I do think that working with someone is a good idea for all people. I do. It's just so interesting being on the other end. It also helps me to know what it really feels like for other parents. After I evaluate a child and give the results to the parent, I now always say that the evaluation was based on only a few hours of working with your child and you know your child the best. The more I experience in this personal process, the more I add in my professional career.

I think the lowering the chair thing is hilarious

But I can see how the doctor might consider it a behavior issue.

But I'm also still laughing.

And I think you've got the right perspective on it.

In a different setting, no one would have batted an eye. We were at a science museum over the weekend that had a traveling engineering exhibit. One of the activities was to build an arch with foam blocks, like the St. Louis arch. It comes out really big, and it takes a team of people (including adults) to do it. If you aren't careful building, it all tips forward and doesn't work. If you build it right, the bocks hold each other up and you have a perfect arch. So one family had just done their 3rd go round with the arch, and finally had it perfect, and were proudly standing under it while someone got ready to take a picture. Then we see this little 3 year old boy run up to arch and push on it. Not intending to knock it down (although, of course, that is exactly what it turned out he did), but to "explore" it as 3 year old's will. Fortunately, everyone just about died laughing. It was a hands on museum exploration exhibit meant for kids, after all (and I bet Nate would have LOVED that exhibit).

I'm no parent , but that's unbelievable! Imagine how many parents would have their kids medicated for ADHD because of crap like that.

Whatever happened to "Boys will be boys"?

Ah, good question. I'm reading a book that talks quite a bit about that, and the negative effects on schooling from the attempt to over-pacify boys, among other things.

But I also will note that the phrase has been miss-used and overused - especially by parents of real bullies - to the point where if you try to use it as a defense, you're assumed to be a bad parent.

Natesmom

Well said!! I whole heartedly agree with everything you said... I could have written alot of that myself!

I'm not a parent, but I think it's just wrong how society seems to want every child to behave perfectly every minute of the day. That lever thing is hilarious, LOL.

My mum has actually been advised to see a parenting expert because of me. She hasn't said much about it, but I sincerely hope this woman actually has kids and isn't just reading it out of a book. Else I will have something to say on the subject. I'm 13 anyway, parenting techniques don't work on me anymore.