Mum's I need your advice please!

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My 3.5 y/o DS is extremely demanding...

He wants me to play games/cars/trains ALL day... He gets extremely upset if I say "in a minute mate" when I am busy for a short while and pulls at my arm and drags me to where he wants me... I spend alot of time with him but the time that I do give him is just not enough...he just won't play independently for a reasonable period of time.

I'm finding it really hard to get anything done during the day ie; spend time with my DD who's 1.8 y/o (who thankfully is very independent and happy to go with the flow and play independently) I need time to do a load of washing here and there and prepare dinner in peace!!

Can anyone relate to this?

Any suggestions on how I can get him to play independently for short bursts throughout the day?

I read somewhere that children with AS love trains (my son LOVED Thomas) because they love things with "systems and rules" so maybe you could take that angle. I think children with AS crave predictability as well, so maybe you can come up with some sort of system with the clock (maybe use pictures and rules "when the clock says X") with play time and non-play time marked. Also, my other non AS child finally told me 'mom, your mind is always on something else when you play with me' so I've tried to make sure play time is really play time with my full attention and then I tell them ok, I need to focus on something else right now. Maybe you can do that when the other child is napping. I wasn't good at this next part, but my friend also used bedroom time with her pre-schoolers where she would place them in their bedrooms and they had to nap or self-entertain for 1 hour while she did the cleaning, etc. Not sure if that is possible for you if he no longer naps. Maybe you can build up to 1 hour of self-play?

Laura12 had some great points. Make sure there is scheduled time that he KNOWS you will be with him 100%, and explain the trade off is that he has to allow you to get other things done in the time scheduled for those. Make a visual way for him to track the schedule, and then keep your promises. On days a change will need to be made, prepare him in advance and provide a new visual and reminders.

My son was very much like that at that age, and it was always a struggle. Childcare and maid service helped. He just really really needed more attention than most, and the better we met that need, the better everything with him went. It's such a difficult balance, trying to figure out "need" v. "want." Needs must be met; wants can be negotiated.

One thing that helped us, btw, that may not seem directly related, but was indirectly, was to go back to bed time routine we had tried to break him from because of a new baby. That was falling asleep with him. He had always loved it, and very reluctantly got trained out of it. My husband suggested one day after our daughter was born that I try it again, because it might help with our son's other insecurities. And, really, it did. Giving him back that special time made him more flexible during waking hours. So, you may also look at little routines like that which can be special to him, that make him feel more secure.

Best of luck. I know it's hard.

Thankyou

Some great ideas you have given me. I'll definatley start with the clock system.

Both of my kids stopped napping at 12months. I remember with DS walking him around the house in his pram for well over an hour, just to get him to sleep, only to wake again after 15min with tons of energy. I'd just given up by then and made him have rest time watching a dvd instead.

Thankfully DD is reasonably easy to get to sleep of an evening. We always spend time reading to DS or cuddling him on the lounge/his bed until he gets to sleep... So gorgeous, just before he nods off he turns to me and says Mummy... then zonks it!

perhaps a picture schedule would help also- take photos of activities, people etc....laminate them, put velcro on the back of them & then make a poster with velcro stips on it- you can change the pictures around depending upon the day's acitivities.

You could also use an egg-timer or similar visual aid to show how long you would be sitting with him and how long you would be away doing other things.

My DS responded with a visual time-table. It showed a picture plan of the activities for the day. His school used this for getting him to do some work. e.g., A picture of some paints followed by a picture of a book.... This meant that he had to do some 'solo' painting for, say, 10 mins (timer used), then he got to choose his favourite book (obsession of the moment). It seemed to work really well and they gradually increased the time for the solo work. Months of patience finally paid off.