HELP! PLEASE!

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My 10 year old son is at a new school, he had a long transition and this school is fantastic. They are extremely supportive, offering to put things into place at the first hint of any probs. I feel completely safe leaving my son in their care. To say that after 5 years of hell is huge.

I need help because, whilst I knew his anxiety levels weren't fantastic ( I have booked him in to see a psych in March) Things have gotten way out of hand. It is getting to the stage that he is attempting to run away from places like his social skills group, his Wednesday respite program (he has done this program for a year and his autism teacher there is brilliant) He has attempted to take off from school, swimming etc. He says he doesnt feel right, he doesn't feel safe. He has feelings of impending doom. He will make gaging noises and look like he is going to throw up. He begs to go home. I know that if I can distract him things will settle down. He will tell me after having a rotten start in the morning at school ( with him trying to take off, crying and refusing to go into class and myself and 3 very patient teachers coxing him)
That by the end of the day he has had a great day.

His bad thoughts and feelings of doom are more frequent and much more intense. I have heard that things can get worse as our kids get older (he has an AS dx) Is this true? Are your 10 year olds like this? How do I help him over come it. OR Could this all be something else. I am exhausted and very worried about him. I dont like medication but I am seriously thinking about it. Please help any one. I am desperate.

Ok sorry it was probably me in my ramblings confusing you.

My son J was dx'd AS in 2007.
He had been attending one school that were not in the least supportive, so our local Autism school offered him a place one day a week (Wednesday) in their respite program for AS kids.
He did this all of last year, and he is there again this year. I also changed his mainstream school this year. I live in Vic Australia, I believe our school years run differently to the US Feb is the start of the school year and Dec is the end. My son also attends a social skills group for an hour every Saturday of the school year, again run by the autism school. He has the same teacher(autism teacher) for both Wednesday and Saturday. This teacher is brilliant, but only really sees him for one day and one hour a week.

My son J's mood has slowly been going down hill, but it was kind of a steady desent (I can't spell) However considering I have just changed his mainstream school this year to a new very supportive school, I would have thought some of his anxieties would have maybe improved or at the very least stayed the same. But new things have come up i.e the running away and the gaging and the constant bad feelings.

I have booked him in to see a pysch to get some help with his anxiety.

Just wondering if things are worse because of the change in schools (even though they were bad before, and he has more support now than ever before) OR if things do just generally get worse the older he gets (thats ok to just want to be prepared) OR if perhaps something else could be going on. Was wondering in general if others had experienced things getting more pronounced the older they or their kids got.

Hope I cleared up your confusion.

Yup it did

It sounds very hectic for both you and he and it might be that simple.

As an after thought, I noticed a couple red flags to me about you. Have you ever been evaluated? More then one here that found out they, well not just AS, have something the along the lines of OCD or ADHD. Some of this is thought to be genetic. And if so, it might reduce your hell level. For an example in your profile you said..shop, shop, shop and in the above you mentioned rambles, I can't spell for s**t either and I know why. But then again I kind obsess over all of this so, it's probably me seeing it everywhere, maybe. You do deserve relief and I know your concern for him, but if you don't take care of yourself too, you'll be of no good to either of you. Consider it is all I'm saying.

The sense of impending doom and the gagging could be a food allergy.

When my son was 10, he experienced some situational anxiety, which we expected would resolve when the situation resolved. We were wrong. The situation resolved but the anxiety did not. If anything, it increased. He became so anxious that we had to put him on a very low dose of anti-anxiety medication. It was a life saver for him! It lowered his anxiety to a level where it was manageable enough for him to be able to talk about it somewhat (not much) without curling into a ball and shutting down. It allowed him to live. It did not change who he was - it allowed him to be his (prior) usual, quirky self. We had been opposed to medication before this experience, but after this, we just felt like without the medication, our son couldn't function at all; with it he could. For us, there was no real choice.

It is possible that your son is experiencing something similar - the lessening of the anxiety-producing environment of his old school, which you expected to allow him to be less anxious, is not making him less anxious. It may be allowing the anxiety that was always there to come out more! In any event, the removal of the anxiety provoking trigger does not always alleviate the anxiety (as you are witnessing). For us, it also occurred at the beginning of a school year, although it was not a new school. It sounds like you have found a great school environment for him, though. That is worth so much! Congratulations on that! From reading posts in the past, I know it's been a long time coming.

Information on Panic Attacks.

Definitely make sure his doctor knows about this! You should be able to do something to help him out.

Also, someone mentioned food allergies. Though not a very common reaction I have had this in response to food allergens. If I consume large amounts of dairy it emulates panic attacks the next day. SO uncool. (It can take about 5 days to get an allergen out of your system!)

I think you've gotten some excellent input, above. What Jat said, in particular, sounds very "on" to me.

I have to say, in way of contrast, that my son has NOT gone through this. He is 11 now and having a very difficult year in middle school. He had a decent amount of anxiety in 4th grade, but most of it was gone by 5th, and he has NEVER reached the level you are describing. He also can have panic attacks, but we get some pretty clear warning signs on those, and since they tend to be situational we can avoid them. Even with all the problems in middle school he has stayed pretty calm most of the time, and doesn't complain of much beyond "I'm not happy." It's hard to describe, but what we experience simply sounds "different" than what you are experiencing.

Point being, I do think you have a new layer, a co-morbid most likely.

Best of luck in resolving it. I wish I could offer more.

Thank you all who replied

JAT- Thank you, I was infact wondering if it was possible that J's anxieties are playing out more now that he feels a little more "safe". In the past he would freak out with me on the way to school and then on the way into school (as long as no one else could really see) and then he would kinda shut down, become almost robot like until the end of the day. At the end of the day he would get in the car to come home refuse to tell me anything about school and kick the cr@p out of my car or punch himself in the head, we would have to give him plenty of wind down space at the end of the day. Now at least when I pick him up from the new school, even though he has had a rough start he is at least smiling and talking to me about what he has been doing all day.

I'm also wondering if part of whats going on is if because things are going well, he is surrounded by great supports at the moment so perhaps maybe he is anticipating it all to come crashing down. Does that make any sense? It's almost like because things are going so well he can't cope, he is so used to not being heard or supported its all to good to be true.

A good example of my J looking for reasons to be scared- he has been freaking out during his swimming lessons, telling his swim teacher that he is scared that sharks will get in the pool. She has been threw all the verbal reasons sharks can't be in the pool, none of this worked, he was still scared. His last swimming lesson was on Friday, his swim teacher made up a whole lot of signs that had shark free zone printed all over them, she attatched them to sinkers and put them all over the area he was swimming in. Great no shark fears during that lesson, however half way threw the lesson he froze pointed to the rafters way above the indoor pool, his new fear- bats!

I will be talking to his doc's about all of this and more. He sees the pysch on the 11th of March and his pead on the 16th of March. It's almost like every few months a new behaviour is thrown in to the mix. I just get my head around one and wham- we have a new one to contend with. Talk about keeping some one on their toes.

Detren- I hadn't really thought of food allergies, I will mention this to his doc's as well. I may as well rule out every thing, this is going to be one very long visit.

DW-a-mom, Thanks you always have something positive to say.

Postpaleo- I was rambling because I was typing in a hurry, all over the place because yes I find the situation at the moment stressfull. My son is anxious and I cant do any thing to take it away. I said in my profile that I like to shop-shop-shop, this is the only time apart from when my son's are at school that I have away from my boys. It's my adult time, time I catch up with my sister, usually for a wonder around the local shopping centre and then a coffee. We head to the local shopping centre because she has a little one at home to, and we both need some down time, you can spend time at a shopping centre without being asked to move on. I also joined wrong planet close to xmas time, so a good deal of my spare time (which isnt much) was taken up hunting for xmas gifts. Am I on the spectrum- I don't think so, but who cares anyway.

Cheers all- Aurea

Cool, makes sense. Yeah I had the panic attacks as well and do a med for them, but over time I don't have panic attacks, but keep doing the med because it tend to still keep the anxiety level down, it's a very low dose and I use it on an as needed basis. I'm an adult, sometimes , and can tell when it's becoming stressful and can take the right actions. They wanted to push all sorts of stuff on me that was just way to involved, so I went to an old stock and trade med that has been around for a very long time. Tried and tested for many years, many. But that's up for you and the Doc's to discuss if it's needed at all. Great group here, are they not? But do remember some have comorbids and some don't and it can be very important to become aware of them early, before they've had the chance to cause troubles that don't need to come into the picture or at least recognized and do the best you can. My unrecognized ADHD from school still haunts me to this day, my unrecognized Bipolar...well I'll shut up about that. But not until I say they didn't become more apparent till later, beyond your sons age, and my youth was much more of a dark age then it is now. The ADHD didn't become noticeable, I mean real noticeable, till about the 5th grade and they didn't notice it. The Bipolar was a nightmare come true and that I didn't discover till my mid 40's. More labels behind my name but not important for here. Encourage his gifts and he will have them.