Latest letter to my son's school after annual IEP review

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How is everybody? I haven't been on here in ages. I was in an accident in October and am still recovering! Anyways, yesterday we had IEP review. Teachers agree my son still needs it and added another accommodation. I was upset with the school counselor by a comment she made to me. I had mentioned my son was scared to ask a teacher for help. This teacher has a very stern voice and it makes my son uncomfortable. Please read from the bottom up...
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Thank you for the reply. While I agree that is possible for any child, Noah was just expressing to me that she was very "fussy." This was most likely his way of explaining her tone. I personally just don't see it as him having a problem with authority figures (or seeing himself on an equal level with adults), as you had mentioned. Having issue with tone and an authority figure are two very different things....

Thanks



Hi Ms. Gamboa,

I'm sorry if my comment upset you in any way. All of your points about voice and Noah's improvement in tems of social skills yet still having difficulty reading cues are well taken and I agree with you. I just wanted to make the point that it is still possible for him to feel that he is on an equal level with adults and that may cause him difficulties later if he feels he can make adult decisions as a child.

Ms. Puglisi



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Hi Ms. Puglisi,

I was up last night, thinking about how you said Noah could be "playing me." I have to admit, I was a bit taken aback. I think it's important that you understand that I am the #1 support system Noah has. If he is having issues at school, I have always encouraged him to come and talk to me about it. I appreciate the fact that he does and we have that open line of communication.

When I brought up Ms. Walsh yesterday, I was merely expressing what Noah had expressed to me. For all I know there could have been only one incident, or many incidents that made Noah feel the way he does. Ms. Osborne picked had brought up Ms. Walsh's tone of voice, which is very perceptive. Especially since I have had all of Noah's 4 doctor's tell me that this can have a significant impact on how he views somebody. Last year with Ms. Friedman was a perfect example, except she had additional issues besides her tone of voice. This also makes sense because he has told me that Ms. Osborne has a very calm voice, so obviously, it is very important to him. I don't hold it against him and I don't see it as some type of manipulation.

Now even though Noah is an extremely bright boy, his brain is still wired differently. This was also explained to me by his doctors. The whole "it's a free country" comment Ms. Osborne brought up is a good example. Most people would understand that that comment is used in certain situations, not all. Language that may be taken for granted by you or I, has to be explained to him. He takes things very literally. In fact last night when I was working with him on decimals, I was exlpaining that the decimal point was the same thing as "and"...$1.50 could be said as one dollar and fifty cents. Now when it was his turn to write the problem, instead of putting down the decimal point, he put down the word and. He had a difficult time getting his mind around what I was trying to say.....

Now socially speaking, I've noticed he is getting along much better with kids. But he still has difficulty reading social cues. A few months ago we were at a museum. There was a lady sitting on a bench and in front of her, there was a man standing up facing her. We were about 20 feet away, but I could easily tell they were having a conversation and knew eachother. Noah looked at me and said "why is that strange man standing so close to that woman?" He couldn't tell they knew eachother and he couldn't tell they were having a conversation. Just another example of what neurotypical people take for granted.

Anyways, sorry for the long ramble, but I just want you (as well as all cc'd parties ) to understand that just because Noah may have a complaint about a teacher, it's not because he has a problem with an authority figure. Noah seems to get along with Ms. Osborne and Dr. Sperl and they are authority figures. The only difference is how they approach things and how their voice sounds.

Thanks,

Kat

You make really good points in that letter.

Interesting the comment from the teacher that he might mistakenly see himself on the same level as adults. I would say, based on all I've read, that AS kids DO see themselves as "equal" to adults. Just because adults have the authority and the child must listen to the adult does not mean the adults is any "better" or "smarter" than the child - it just means the adult is in control. To be honest, I don't have an issue with that viewpoint, and I think it's important for adults to understand that this is often how AS kids see it. The key point is only if the child will accept and respect the authority, not if he will put the grownup on some higher or different plain.