IRRITATED

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So, today's meeting was canceled but we still showed up. I was in meetings all day and they didn't try my husbands cell phone. The principal asked us to still talk with her. So we went in.

She explained about communication and said that I shouldn't call the teacher at home. I told her that the teacher told me to call her at home. I have only called her four times and three of those times were important issues such as being told out of the blue that we had to bring snack the next day - I needed clarification, Nate's test results (which i asked her ahead of time if she wanted me to call her with those results and she said yes), the whole incident with Nate and after school care (as her teacher, I felt like she should know - but that could have waited), and I left her a message stating that I really do need that letter she promised me she would write. She never did write it on time. OH! Was it wrong of me to tell her about the toileting issue and what happened. Apparently I shouldn't have gone to her. The teacher knows my son. She helped me. Little did I know that she would go behind my back and complain about that as well. What the hell? I work in the school setting had have never experienced crap like this, probably because I work in the schools but in this instance I am being a parent.

During those conversations with her on the phone, she asked me a lot of questions and even questions regarding her own children. I was helping her. It wasn't all one sided.

So, I explained everything with the principal and then told her that I haven't even talked to her over the phone for a month. I have been sending her emails and only 50% she responds to. She told me that the teacher explained she always responds to emails. Email communication doesn't seem to work with her

You know what ticks me off the most - lack of communication. The many mistakes and lack of communication they have with me regarding Nate. I try. Also, if you have an issue with me or a miscommunication, go to me instead of the principal. When you go to the principal first, it looks like you are tattling. That is what we encourage our teachers to do in the public school system. Always. This is supposed to be a christian school but I am not impressed.

The biggest issue she raised was after school care. Nate has toileting accidents and they have been cleaning him up - I never asked for them to do that and am surprised they even offered. I am fine with them not doing that. Nate can do that himself, at least partially. Now they will call us if he has an accident . Completely understandable. I am fine with that. If his accidents continue, he will probably be asked to leave the after school care. They told me that having him in all day school and they after school care is just too much for him. For me to even afford that school, I have no choice.

Oh--- what happened to modified work?? He is now behind four homework sheets. He is in school all day and should be able to complete the work at school. We had already talked about this before with the teacher and school. He actually has more work now that he is in full day then when he was in part day. It's the same work. It's like they are not doing the work in school.

I am between a rock and a hard place. I don't feel that the teacher can even communicate with us. I really just want to go to the teacher directly and say, "Let's talk!" We are christians and should be able to talk about this.

Just talking about this is so stupid. I don't know why I let it bother me so much. I do because my son is involved and I WANT communication. Just give me more email communication. She really lacks in written communication and is good at verbal face to face communication. Problem is that we work. Most other mothers don't work so they can have that face to face communication

the teacher has thirty other students and sixty other parents and so while she wants to help you she does not like to be called at home. people like their space, and some are more sensitive about this than others. it's a good idea to maintain a professional barrier between yourself and the teacher. if you need to talk to her maybe you can get her email address and communicate via email?

Just because the teacher is teaching at a Christian school does not guarantee that she is a Christian.

But I do think you should get her side of the story. It could be the principal who has misunderstood everything. A lot can get lost in translation from one conversation to the next; you always have to give things the benefit of the doubt because of that.

Email is a much better option. This way all that is said or not said is there in black and white. I would also send the same email to the principle just letting her/him know what you have sent, perhaps then the teacher will have a little more pressure put on her to follow up.

I can understand your frustration, you were invited to call this teacher at home, however I can also understand the teachers frustrations at having her personal time taken up by a parent.

If you seriously want to move your son to another school and he is now in kindergarten, I would do it now. I know your school year runs differently to ours (I'm in Australia) so not sure how long it is for you guys till the end of the school year. There is no time like the present, sounds like both you and Nate are a little stressed, when you really shouldn't be. Its a matter of finding the right teacher student mix for our kids. Whats good academically may not be what our kids need, they need support and understanding. They're bright enough that within the right supportive environment (for both parent and child) they will learn all there is to learn.

Hope that all makes sense. Best of luck Aurea

The teacher initially email me and told me to call her at home. It wasn't me just calling her, she initiated. She also has a total of 25 students - not sixty.

In my post, I already had mentioned that I tried emailing her and she gets back with me 50% of the time. I give up. I let my husband do the communicating now when he drops Nate off. I know what is expected of teachers and she is not really filling that role. The communication is seriously lacking. Many things that are sent home have wrong dates and then we end up feeling blamed. It's horrible. I have suggested a behavior plan for Nate and she ignored that email. At least she can say, "I will get back with you or I will forward your email."

Yes, there could be more to the story or a miscommunication but I doubt it. She has been ignoring me for the most part lately. Every little thing that happens, she tells the principal - little things that can be solved just by communication. It's stupid. Yes, lets tell shall we? Seriously the principals in schools I work in don't have time to listen to all of that. They are encouraged to go to the parent first and discuss the issue.

All of this seems to have happened after I emailed her stating my confusion regarding the math homework (another lack of communication). She took it personal and has since ignored my emails ever since, except for one little email that said when the meeting time was scheduled. I have a feeling that today would have been "Beat the parents up" day. My husband has been very frustrated with the lack of communication as well. I honestly think it is a good thing that it was just us and the principal today.

I work in the school setting and have seen what "average" communication between all parents consist of. I am just asking for that. She is a new teacher and is just filling in for a teacher who was sick. I was very understanding for most of the year until all of this happened. I am still nice.

I will probably not confront her. You guys are the ones I go to when I need to vent and not be professional. I think I will just start going directly to the special services person. Together we can create the behavior plan and ideas that Nate may need. I can probably provide for her some other materials that she may not have.

It has been difficult because I am used to be the psych and playing that role, not playing the parent role. I need to learn what that is all about. I see kids that need help and have ideas but I can't give them in my role right now. I am used to the teachers going to me. That is what they do in my psych role. I am the go to person when it concerns special ed. When you are a parent, it is just so very different.

Nate bit someone yesterday yet we don't know if it was a joke or if he was serious. He hit another student today. Behavior are appearing more and more each day. He is not like this AT ALL!! ! SOmething is bothering him.

The principal told me that she believes everything would be fine if he didn't go to the after school care. I may need to find a mom who can watch him after school until we can pick him up. What a big responsibility. I think he gets too overwhelmed in the after school care. He is going to that because I have to work full time to foot the private school bill.

There is a HUGE issue with communication and remaining consistent with homework. They tell us that Nate doesn't need to do it because he is in full day yet he comes home with over an hour of homework. Everything that they tell us seems to be forgotten a few days later and we are back to square one.

Hi, natesmom

That sounds so hard. I wish I had something helpful to add.

You gave me a thought, but it doesn't really fit here:
"Aftercare vs work cut-backs"
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp2070927.html#2070927

The principal suggested that I cc her in all the new emails. I will from here on out.

If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I needed to know about snacks and other things. She called me a day after that and told us that we needed to go to the store and get this and that for snack centers the next day; she forgot to tell us about that. We had to drop everything we were doing at 9:30 pm and rush to the store.

So, as for teacher personal time - I understand that. I work in the educational field. I also understand there are times that you do need to talk with parents. My quesitons are usually quick. If I need to know something that day, I didn't have time to ask her while picking him up. All the other parents ask while picking their kids up. They have told me they have been confused to be usually get the information verbally. The school requires SO MUCH out of the parents - it's a good thing but hard when you work so much. A lot of the time, you don't find out what you need to do until the last minute. I usually leave voice messages with her asking her to check her email when she has the chance. She didn't respond to the email.

Oh - she usually takes 15 minutes out of my time talking about her children as well - it cuts both ways. I am fine with that. That is why I am so very confused. The last time I called her was regarding the whole snack issue.

I haven't called her for at least a month. If I called her a week ago or a day ago, then fine. I have been sending her nothing but emails with very little response. I continue and little response. I had more response from calling her and it was always pretty important. That is why when the principal brought that up, it ticked me off. It's not like I call her everyday or every week, it was a few times.

They have screwed up so many times with communication and we are supposed to be fine with it. If I call her a few times, it is a big deal.

I helped get her full time job for the remainder of this year and then after that, she does this. Everything was fine until that. It's just all too strange. It's a long story

Is it possible to get a doctor's note for him that states that he is to be reminded to try to go to the bathroom every x hours? Would they respect a doctor's note? One would think they would rather remind him to go, than to clean him up.

Also with the cleaning him up, watch out, that is usually a no-no and might backfire somehow. I would let them know that he is capable of at least making himself semi-presentable and should just be allowed to do it himself. With today's society this just looks like a lawsuit in progress.

Thanks! Why didn't I think of that? A doctors note is a wonderful idea.

Today we found out it is dress as a grown up day. You dress as something you want to be when you get older. We JUST heard about it yesterday. The others probably knew about via verbal communication. It wasn't in last weeks newsletter

yeah afterschool can be kind of crazy i guess depending on teh program adn teh amount of structure.
i run an afterschool program but it is very low structure and it has about 25-30 kids on average.

i don;t know about your afterschool program and how it works but i know that sometimes you are busy dealing with other things and can't alwasy remember to remind a child to go to the bathroom every half hour or somthing like that. with my program it is myself adn one other person for 30 kids with lots going on, sometimes i forgot to keep track of that with my own son!!

i was having trouble with my son in the beginning of teh year with accidents in after school, it just makes for a long day for the kids, and i have foound that when my son is tired that is when his accidents happen.

unortunately you are in a tough situation as i understand having to work to make ends meet. i am just fortunate that my job alllows me to have my own children there with me.

i know it may be extra work on your part, but it may be better for you to try to find another parent or home daycare type thing where he can go after school, as it would make for a smaller group and possibly be easier.

i really hope you can get this all worked out.

and i am sorry about all that is happening with your teacher right now it really seems like you are getting mixed messages.

perhaps you coudl also try a communication book where you wirte your questions or concerns in and she will write back in it during the day and send it home with nate. i know of some divorced parents that do that maybe it will work or maybe not.
plus i agree with teh e-mail or having stuff written down, that way if you weere told that you needed to bring snack on thursdy but it was really wednesday then you have it in writing.
she needs to figure out how to get in contact with you not being able to see you face to face those things are her responsibility, but i agree with ccing the princial on your emails just so that she can monitor teh communication situation.

the other thing is taht your child has specal concerns and requirements as a parent of a child with "special needs" there is just more communication required with the teachers cause it requires more regular check ins and stuff. and taht is something that just needs to be understood.

i might also ask the teacher via e-mail why you were told to phone her then it was complained about.

i really hope this all can be worked out for all of you to make this year go a little smoother.

keep in mind that teachers do not understand and often do not have the patience or will to accomodate kids who need extra attention and mentoring. i went through the whole public school system without any teacher talking to me about my behavior problems, being always alone and always embarassed about it. the only two times the teachers tried to do something they screwed it up. the first time, in 9th grade, my english teacher asked me in her office "do you have an emotional problem that we can try to help you with?" of course i turned red and said that i do not have any emotional problems that i could possibly need help with. the second time was in my 11th grade and my counselor asked me which college i got into and said "well you are obviously an underachiever. you know, your classmates say that you look alone and depressed." of course i turned red and said that i a mnot depressed and that i am just melancholy person and that this is my baseline and that i feel comfortable being in a quiet peaceful mood.

so you need A LOT of patience when dealing with teachers and often times they will not be fair.

Guess what? I think the teacher went to the principal and complained about Nate again (or explained his behaviors). I ended up getting an email that said: New way of daily communication. Nate hit his best friend yesterday with a jacket sleeve and then today yelled at a parent volunteer and another kid. Yep, it must be Nate's fault, huh?

I told them thank you for letting me know, apologized, and then asked more specific questions to keep in mind before our meeting. I want to know the Antecedents, Behavior and Consequences. I want to know what setting and during what time. One time in the day, he has 20 kids in class and another time he has only 9. My guess is it's sensory overload. I also want to know what happened before Nate hit this other kid. Did the kid say anything to him? Was Nate playing? Nate is not an agressive kid at all. He yells but doesn't usually hit. If he is truly hitting now, then he has reached his limit and I need to make a change.

I am trying to put him back in half day kindergarten but because of full time work and no transportation, that may be impossible. The second option is to take him out of his afterschool care and put him in his brothers daycare. That will require a lot of work on our part but we may have to make it work. We just need to last until the end of the school year.

This has seriously made me consider just working at the school he is at. NO matter how stressful the school is to work at. I alrleady know he would get an IEP and great accommodations at the other school as I am the psych. I didn't make that decision either. I spoke with the team about Nate and they all stated, "He needs to be on an IEP - get him here!" The special ed teachers have been hearing about Nate's decline and are pretty upset about it. They also told me that Nate would be able to eat lunch with them everyday, especially since he eats so slow - that can be an accommodation. I really can't stand working at this school but it looks like I may have to give up working at the place I love with the better pay to be near my son.

Learning2survive - wow, I am so sorry. Your 11th grade counselor was horrible. That is why I went into the field I went into. The counselor at my school told me that I would never go to college and I should just go to a special highschool because I was too low (something like that). I don't know. My mom reads this, so she will probably call me and tell me for sure LOL. I remember hearing that my test scores were very low. I thought to myself that test scores were not the absolute and these people were DUMB! So, I went from having a 1.6 GPA graduating in high school with an intense focus - a mission due to a horrible high school counselor and awful overall school experience of feeling depressed, anxious and different (was undx ADHD and LD). I chose my career field so I can tell people the opposite of what some of these people told us.

You are right, a lot of teachers probably don't know how to accommodate or have the patience to work with kids. Nate will require patience. That is another reason why I should just stay at the school I want my son to attend to ensure he gets the teachers that would accommodate. I would need to remember that when I am working, they can't come to me with Nate issues. The special ed teacher had a child in special ed and she did a good job at boundaries. She said she would help.

Thanks everyone for being patient with my anxieties and perhaps obsessive personality. It's hard not to obsess and worry about your own children. We know how difficult it can be. I struggled so much in school myself due to overstimulation and other issues. My son, being on the spectrum, will most likely struggle even more (although he is definitely more intelligent than me!).
It's just hard. I need to really make the right decision.

It does sound like you are doing more than normal second quessing. When you are in a good situation with Nate and yourself, you should know it. It will never be perfect, and you will always second guess, but you should feel confident that you have done everything you can and that Nate is getting what he NEEDS. If you don't, then question your decisions.

It is impossible not to go round and round at this early stage. If you are going to make a change, you know you need to do it as soon as possible, and you feel the pressure of that window, which makes it really hard. A few months ago you thought you had it settled, but now it seems you really aren't sure. I know you WILL get it settled, and get comfortable with your choice (unless that totally isn't you, lol). Hang on, OK?

no kidding. My second guessing is not normal! I do that all the time - a major anxiety thing.

it is so very hard to trust that the school & teachers are doing right by your child- especially when you've had problems in the past............at this point, i'd get an advocate involved. someone who can see things from a neutral perspective & perhaps someone who could come in and solve many of the issues you're having.....i'm about to get one for my daughter. so tired of fighting with the school system.