Now I really am sure my daughter is NT

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DW_a_mom
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16 Feb 2009, 12:01 pm

I think once you have one AS child, you will always look at your other and wonder. Something is "off" with my daughter (most likely a propensity to depression), and while I've always been relatively sure it isn't AS, I do question myself.

But last night we had a conversation that makes me absolutely sure she can't be AS.

She had been watching shows on the internet, and asked to watch one more. I told her she had to choose between the show and being read to in bed, exact words were "reading a chapter," since we're reading a long book and the norm is to read a chapter a night.

So once in bed she's says, "lets read."

I remind her of the deal.

She says the deal was a chapter, not a a "few pages."

We go round on that and I give in, and promise to read a "few pages."

But I decide it's time to have a talk with her about it, because certainly she knew or was capable of knowing what I meant. She says she didn't, but we talk more about the literal thing, and how we all have to be careful about it with her brother, which certainly she has observed, but that I consider her capable of knowing what I meant, and so I expect her to actively look for that, what I meant, and to act accordingly.

Her answer, "I can be literal, too."

"Yes, you CAN, but your brain doesn't FORCE you to."

"but it's looks like FUN!! !"


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lelia
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16 Feb 2009, 12:54 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:



natesmom
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16 Feb 2009, 1:38 pm

That is cute. She sounds like a pretty smart little girl. How old is she?



DW_a_mom
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16 Feb 2009, 2:29 pm

She's 8 and will be GATE tested later this year.

The hard thing with her is that she is incredibly sensitive, and can flip into thinking her life is the worst ever and that no one cares about her in a miniscule second. AND she is socially aware enough to be very successful at getting what she wants, when she wants it. At least last night she was in a good mood so that I could challange her on it without her getting upset. She was, actually, rather proud of herself because she did con that extra reading from me. So there I was stuck trying to strike this wierd balance of letting her be proud because it is a useful skill while letting her know that I don't want her doing it to US.


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16 Feb 2009, 4:42 pm

I don't get it. What did she take literal? I didn't see anything AS in it or NT. Just the normal stuff in general.



DW_a_mom
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16 Feb 2009, 5:23 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
I don't get it. What did she take literal? I didn't see anything AS in it or NT. Just the normal stuff in general.


She choose to take literally that I wouldn't read her a "chapter" and therefore choose to not understand I meant to trade out of reading to her at all.

What I saw as NT was that she clearly SEES my son taking things literally and CHOOSE to imitate it because it would get her a better answer in this situation. It's that awareness of the option that seems NT - to have noticed it as a social choice and to have observed that it looks "fun" instead of thinking it's just the way conversation has to be.

My son would never joke about something like that. He would just get frustrated that people can't remember to speak precisely, or would ask further questions about the trade if I hadn't been precise enough.


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2ukenkerl
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16 Feb 2009, 7:18 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
Spokane_Girl wrote:
I don't get it. What did she take literal? I didn't see anything AS in it or NT. Just the normal stuff in general.


She choose to take literally that I wouldn't read her a "chapter" and therefore choose to not understand I meant to trade out of reading to her at all.

What I saw as NT was that she clearly SEES my son taking things literally and CHOOSE to imitate it because it would get her a better answer in this situation. It's that awareness of the option that seems NT - to have noticed it as a social choice and to have observed that it looks "fun" instead of thinking it's just the way conversation has to be.

My son would never joke about something like that. He would just get frustrated that people can't remember to speak precisely, or would ask further questions about the trade if I hadn't been precise enough.


Is such a thing a REQUIREMENT of AS!?!?!? MUST it be as you described? I think the answer to both questions is NO. Your girl DOES sound cute, etc... She COULD be AS.



17 Feb 2009, 1:14 am

Good thing I'm not NT, people would think I was being a smart ass if someone failed to speak right.



koadah
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17 Feb 2009, 7:48 am

My son is 12 but is not "forced" to take things literally. Just more likely to miss other interpretations.

I think that both my AS and NT lads would see "will not read a chapter" as an opportunity for a bit of lawyering. ;)

Claiming to not understand is a bit cheeky though :)



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17 Feb 2009, 8:52 am

My son mimics quite a bit with his impressive memory. Sometimes his comments are out of contex and sometimes right on the mark. As he ages, he is more accurate and uses expressions/vocabulary I wouldn't even think to use.

btw, I don't understand what you're daughter was referring to when she said "...but it's fun" so I'm not sure how this confirmed that she was NOT AS.

If your daughter has been formally diagnosed with Aspergers, I would accept and move forward. If you are that doubtful, you should get another thorough evaluation to quell your doubt.

equinn



DW_a_mom
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17 Feb 2009, 2:14 pm

equinn wrote:
My son mimics quite a bit with his impressive memory. Sometimes his comments are out of contex and sometimes right on the mark. As he ages, he is more accurate and uses expressions/vocabulary I wouldn't even think to use.

btw, I don't understand what you're daughter was referring to when she said "...but it's fun" so I'm not sure how this confirmed that she was NOT AS.

If your daughter has been formally diagnosed with Aspergers, I would accept and move forward. If you are that doubtful, you should get another thorough evaluation to quell your doubt.

equinn


No, everyone pretty much agrees that she is not AS, and we have asked people to consider it, given the family history.

When my daughter said "it looks fun" she was saying that playing on precise wording looked like a fun game to her.

My son has had to be TAUGHT to deal with less precise language; she comes naturally to it, but sees being literal as a fun way to play with words - AND to get what she wants in certain situations. That is what I saw her as meaning.


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DW_a_mom
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17 Feb 2009, 2:15 pm

koadah wrote:
My son is 12 but is not "forced" to take things literally. Just more likely to miss other interpretations.

I think that both my AS and NT lads would see "will not read a chapter" as an opportunity for a bit of lawyering. ;)

Claiming to not understand is a bit cheeky though :)


Maybe "force" is a bit of a strong word, but the literal thing is very universally AS, based on what I've read on various forums.


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Yocritier
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18 Feb 2009, 9:43 pm

DW_a_mom, I'm not quite sure of your intentions in exclaiming that your daughter is NT.

However, I will stand up and say if I could choose between AS and NT child, I would choose NT everytime.

Congrats with your daughter.



DW_a_mom
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19 Feb 2009, 12:04 am

Yocritier wrote:
DW_a_mom, I'm not quite sure of your intentions in exclaiming that your daughter is NT.

However, I will stand up and say if I could choose between AS and NT child, I would choose NT everytime.

Congrats with your daughter.


To me, it was just a funny moment. I am proud of both my children and that is unaffected by if they are NT or AS; I just thought it was funny.


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Yocritier
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19 Feb 2009, 4:19 am

That's good to hear. Congrats again.



serenity
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20 Feb 2009, 9:52 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
She's 8 and will be GATE tested later this year.

The hard thing with her is that she is incredibly sensitive, and can flip into thinking her life is the worst ever and that no one cares about her in a miniscule second. AND she is socially aware enough to be very successful at getting what she wants, when she wants it. At least last night she was in a good mood so that I could challange her on it without her getting upset. She was, actually, rather proud of herself because she did con that extra reading from me. So there I was stuck trying to strike this wierd balance of letting her be proud because it is a useful skill while letting her know that I don't want her doing it to US.


Your daughter sounds very much like my 10 yo daughter. The moodswings really bother me, and I have such a hard time figuring out why she's so upset, and what to do about it. I also am always watching out for signs of ASD, since both of her brothers have been diagnosed. I know that she's NT. She's very socially intuitive, even beyond what I can grasp. I had to read your first post like 10 times before I could grasp what you were talking about. My daughter would've not only conned me in that situation, but i would've been oblivious to it! She's even admitted as to such. My husband has stepped in on occasion, because he said she was so obviously lying to me to get her way.