Advice on Separation Anxiety??

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My 9 (soon to be 10) year old son has a lot of separation anxiety at night. He said even though he knows I'm in the other room, because he can't see me..he feels like he is alone. In the morning time I wake up and find he has climbed into my bed in the middle of the night.

Does anybody have any advice on this? I do not want him to feel alone, but at the same time I'd like him to feel comfortable enough to sleep in his bed the entire night. I've tried explaining to him that I am just in the other room, but it seems to have no effect.

Thanks

Does he have any stuffed animals?

My girlfriend's 9 year old Aspie son Billy has a little stuffed dinosaur. He uses it as a calming focus, and practically has given it a personality of its own. So much, in fact, that he has been being rude, blaming it on the dinosaur, and think he is being punished unjustly because "it wasn't him, it was Rexie".

Anyway, on their first weekend at my place, Billy was worried about being alone in his bedroom. Mom said "You're not alone! You have Rexie!" He said "That's true..." and he went to sleep.

So, I'm not sure if your son has a stuffed animal, but that might be an option.

You could also try a hard-line approach of banning him from your bed or locking your door while you are asleep.

hi jimbeaux,

yes.he has about 15 stuffed animals on his bed...no joke! and the lock on my door is broken, so that's a no go. thanks for the advice, though.

Narrowing those 15 down to one or two that are truly "friends" might help. My son wasn't able to use his stuffed animals as real comfort objects and company until he started to favor a smaller group. He now has a pooh bear from when he was a baby, that somehow became special when he was 6 or so, and 2 Build-a-Bear creations that were acquired when he was 9 or 10 and 11. He sleeps with all 3 each night and takes 1 with him (hidden in the bottom of his sleeping bag) when he goes on outings with scouts and such.

I've noticed with my kids that these things come and go, and so I don't make a big deal out of them. I always encourage them to stay in their own beds, and nudge them when they don't want to do so, but I've never been firm about stopping them. My son NEVER goes into our bed now, and my daughter, who is 8, rarely does. As long as you don't become co-dependent on it and unwittingly feed into it, they really will outgrow it or pass through whatever temporary phase they are in on their own. I firmly, firmly believe this. It's just not a big deal, in my experience.

Kids go through so many phases that can make them feel insecure for a while. I like the idea of allowing them that little extra comfort until they are through it, as long as everyone knows it's TEMPORARY.

My oldest not dx'd had this problem big time. My youngest now 10 (dx'd AS) had this to for a short while. I got around it by leaving a lamp on in his room, allowing him to fall asleep with a dvd on mute on his tv and for a short while I had a baby monitor between his room and mine. This way he could check that I was still there with out getting out of bed.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6141895/

Possible idea.

@dw - my son collects these particular type of stuffed animals, keeping just one onthe bed, wouldn't work..thanks, though.

@aurea - yup, i keep the light on for him. i would sneak in when he fell asleep to turn it off, but sometimes he'd wake up and yell for me, so i stopped turning off the light. he's been listening to classical music at bedtime and this seems to calm him down..thanks.

@nim - wow! that's crazy. not a bad idea, though!!

I do what Aurea does and it works. The small lamp on next to his bed. The tv on very very low. He falls asleep fine. ONly when he's really anxious does he come into bed with us and then we just let him.

Another thing that helps is we give him clonodine, a medication that helps with anxiety, tics and sleep. It normally works really well, but if he's really anxious or excited, forget it. It's a night with us. And thats okay. We figure he will outgrow it.

And we do have a lock on our door, but it won't matter if he's banging and beating on the door do to anxiety.

If you answer the door, it only reinforces the behavior. Billy used to do that. Now he doesn't. Set rules. From x-time to y-time, he isn't allowed in your room.

And I wouldn't count on him outgrowing it anytime soon, especially if you allow it to continue and don't set boundaries.

what about trying an old trick i once heard of.....give him a shirt or nightgown you've slept in/worn- it'll have your scent & maybe help him to be calmer knowing that you're just in the other room