Not good

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Guess this is a bit of an update too since I haven't been in here for so long.
Things had been going ok but now I am at a loss.
For those that don't know D (6.5yrs) has autism, adhd, development delay. He might be 6.5 but he is really like 3 in a lot of ways.

New school year started ok he is still playing with the same kid as last year which is great, his teacher aide is now taking a small step back (to encourage independence) and once again he has a good teacher. So far all issues with school have been resolved so no hassles there.
I am still (yes STILL) waiting for a respite carer altho D's dad is visiting him pretty much every weekend and taking him out for a few hours.

He has started getting more aggressive lately and I am getting very close to talking to paed about meds. He isn't like that all the time tho but finding what sets him off is proving VERY difficult.
He has routines/schedules during the week but nothing in the weekend and that is when he is worst. I have got very little support and feel so alone.

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone. Loads of hugs for you!

If the routines of school seem to help your son, have you tried making up some kind of timetable for the weekends, so he knows what is going to happen when. I know that's a lot easier said than done, though.

Does your son realise that his behaviour is aggressive? Is it little things that he over reacts to?

I went along to a few sessions for parents organised by the Speech and Language Therapists, and they were talking about using "grading" to encourage children to be less "all or nothing" in their thinking and reactions.

They suggested working with a scales of 1-3, 1-5 or 1-10. What you do first of all, and it may take time, is to introduce the idea of grading using things like school subject, TV shows, or foods. The child decides whether 1 is the best or the worst, then they get used to ranking things or activities. Once the child has got used to the idea of grading, then you can start to apply the idea to issues like anger or anxiety.

If the child gets really angry about something, then AFTER they've calmed down, you can talk with them about how they would grade it. Talk about whether it was really worth a 5 or a 10 or whatever, and suggest what grade would be more appropriate. Say a 2 for missing a favourite TV show, for example.

Then, once you've got talking about what number goes with different events and issues, you can start thinking about self-calming strategies. Simple things like counting to 10, as many times as needed, taking deep breaths or thinking about something good, were suggested.

Having said all of this, I'm not entirely sure that it's understandable, and I haven't tried it myself yet.

My son isn't aggressive, but he completely overreacts to the slightest problem or setback. He gets himself very distressed and ends up not enjoying what did go well.

I hope this helps, and that you stick about here. I definately feel less alone when I come to this forum.

It sounds like you could use a break, to help you focus and stay on track. And I'm sorry to hear you haven't been able to arrange that. Hang in there, OK? I wish I had more to offer you, but I don't feel I do; Marica is right about trying to keep routines as much as possible on weekends, but beyond that? You need some time to be able to take care of you.

Thanks Marcia, didn't know why I didn't think of that first. He has routines for before school and after school and his teacher loves a structured classroom. Yet in the weekend it is more to my liking as in no routines (apart from bedtime) go with flow kinda thing. I will sit down with him and try to create some sort of weekend routine.
He doesn't see it as aggressive and I'm talking to paed and psych when I see them next! He can't communicate anger as in I'm angry because........ he just lashes out or gets aggressive.

There is a course called HELP! that Autism NZ run and next time it is in my city I'm going!! !

DW, I DO need a break and right now school and the few hours a week he spends with his Dad is all I'm getting. He can't stay over night due to his Dad's work hours and he is in another city. Also he is still only just learning about autism and how it affects D.

Little darling has just come to tell me he wants bed.

i think that one of the hardest things for me has been to live by schedules.........i'd really rather just go with the flow-be spontaneous.....i've found, however, that it works best for my family if there are schedules.........i go on vacation with my friends once a year ( without the family), and have found that just that week off rejuvenates me & gets me through...