my son is really distant and "off" lately

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it's been almost a month now and my 5 year old son is acting REALLY strange. he's been stimming alot..tiptoeing, spitting, making up words, babbling, and staring off into space. when i look at his eyes, it kinda like he's half asleep. he hasn't been sleeping well, he's having a hard time falling asleep and sometimes wakes up with nightmares. he also has been waking up really early. he doesn't eat what he used to. he always thinks he smells something and starts spitting like something is in his mouth. i really don't know what is going on with him. his ot and st says he's not paying attention and they put him on time out a couple of times. his behavior issues are getting bad and he is less cooperative. he tells me that his brain is "dark" and that he's "out of control." is this a medical issue? what do you think could be happening with him? nothing has changed at home or school. it has been raining a lot and he's been eating crappy food because he can't tolerate anything..could that be it? what can i do to help him? he doesn't feel like being bothered or talking about anything.

it could just be some internal changes......sounds more like there is something that's changed for him- could be the smallest thing ( in your eyes). try to offer him supports that will comfort him.

I think you have a number of possibilities:

1) Internal / developmental
2) Sensitive to the rain / lack of sun
3) A minor change at school or a social issue that no one has noticed but that affects him deelpy

It is very normal for AS kids to go one step forward and then two steps back, but if you can find a trigger and mitigate it, you will have an opportunity to feel much more proactive, and also have information to help indentify cycles in the future. On that, I can't be much help - watch, observe, talk, and check in with your instinct.

I actually went though something like that personally, although I think I was a little younger than 5 at the time. I myself remember taking nearly 2 hours to fall asleep, waking up very early, and having constant nightmares. My parents also told me I used to utter strange, incoherent phrases upon waking up, such as "the chandelier got lowered", "the brown door broke", "the shoes are stepping", "one [elevator control panel] is working, the other is hissing", and "the hook is spinning". These were actually how I described fragments from the nightmares I kept having, because I didn't have the language skills to phrase the descriptions properly. By the way, while those nightmares seem simply bizarre or even a little funny to me now, back then, they were truly horrifying. Ask your son what types of nightmares he's having, because they might not be the usual monster/ghost/chasing/attacking ones NT kids have. Try to parse out the content from your son's answers, and don't dismiss it if it doesn't sound scary to you. By the way, here's what those phrases represented.

"The chandelier got lowered."
The chandelier in the hall has grown 10 times in size, and now extends all the way down to the floor. (This dream might still scare me, although not as strongly.)

"The brown door broke."
The front door on the outside that's normally brown has turned white, and strange markings now appear around it. (I'd wonder WTF, but probably not get scared by this dream now.)

"The shoes are stepping."
The shoes stashed in the hall are moving around, making shuffling, tapping, and hopping motions amongst themselves. (If I dreamed about this now, I'd probably laugh.)

"One is working, the other is hissing."
I'm in an elevator, and instead of one control panel, there are two. The first one looks normal, the second one is smashed and making staticky noises. (Don't know how I'd react to this now.)

"The hook is spinning."
Metal objects resembling hooks are suddenly sticking out of the walls, and they're all spinning around in different directions. (This would creep me out, but not necessarily scare me now.)

I'm not trying to hijack this thread of anything, but I'm posting the descriptions so they can somehow help you interpret your son's descriptions of his dreams.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 25 Apr 2009, 3:50 pm, edited 4 times in total.

I think it is fantastic that you can remember those dreams in such detail. Us parents need all the clues we can get; there is no way to know who is going to hit on the right idea; so don't apologize for sharing; it is very much appreciated.

If he's only eating junk that could possibly contribute to it, do you think he would take a Flintstones vitamin if he isn't already?

For the sleeping, try asking if it might help to have a little nightlight or a happy bed-time story? For the dreams, just listen politely and if he wants to talk about it let him, even if it sounds goofy to you. Ask if there is anything he thinks might help it. (Though you are most likely doing this already, I am just telling what I do with my boys.)

I would definitely bring it up with a doctor you trust though to rule out anything else. I get that staring off in space look when I am overwhelmed and seriously stressed. (It means that part of me has just kind of muted so I can continue on, things seem further away and just can't touch me as much. It's a defense mechanism for me.) I'm not saying this is what your son has, but it would be a good idea to bring up at the doctors.

I agree with the smell thing though, your sense of smell is strongly interwoven with that of taste. When people wear fragrances I can "taste" them, and man is that nasty. Makes me want to spit too. Did you change laundry detergent? Maybe try something unscented or lessen the fragrances in your house to possibly stop this. I can taste when people smoke as well, it's rather nasty.

You really should see a doctor with him to rule out any neurological causes (seizures etc.)
You mentioned that he' taste things' and stares into space that can be a sign for seizures and other disorders, but also related to his autism ( I assume that he is autistic )...definitely mention both to doc!
I am not a doctor but I read a lot about neurological stuff.
I also had a girl friend who was epileptic and hat those short "staring spells" which lasted not more then a few seconds and was caused by her epilepsy.

I'm finding it really interesting to read about your nightmares. :3 They're pretty creepy sounding.

Anyway, OP: I used to have nightmares a lot, but there was a book my mom would read me, and at the end of the book, the kid would tell his nightmares to go away, and they would. I tried it, believing it would work, (it was in a book so of course it had to be true) it did work, (the power of belief is strong) and I never had a single nightmare if I told them to go away before I went to sleep. (I'd list all the major ones: "go away monsters, dead things, things that chase me" etc) Maybe you could try something like that with your kid. I don't know about the rest of the stuff, but nightmares can be a big deal for a kid so maybe it would help.

This sounds like a nice approach to use. However, I don't think I would have bought into it when I was a kid. I didn't think that telling the giant chandelier, the markings around the door, or the spinning hooks to go away would actually make it happen. Still, it's very important to keep the nightmares in check, otherwise they could affect the child for life; heck, I still feel a little uneasy about sleeping in a room that has a chandelier in it (this doesn't apply to ceiling fans or simple ceiling lights). I recommend teaching your son to look for key signs that can tell him it's a dream. There's always the cliche "pinching yourself" method, but I was talking about the things he sees. This is especially important if his nightmares are realistic. For instance, if there is something chasing him through a park, but the trees are arranged in strange patterns and have things hanging from branches, that can act as a sign that what he's experiencing is a dream. Oftentimes, if a person realizes he's dreaming, he wakes up right then. (If you know you're dreaming and don't wake up, it's called "lucid dreaming", but most children don't have that skill.) If my parents taught me to look for key signs that I'm dreaming instead of saying "it was just a dream", I would know I'm safe, or at least wake myself up when the dream takes a frightening turn.

It really pains me to hear about cases of childhood nightmares, because of the inherent unfairness of them. When adults have nightmares, they have plenty of ways to cope. They can turn on the lights, listen to music a little, open the window to get some fresh air, or if the nightmare was especially unsettling, drink a shot of vodka. Children don't have these ways of coping, because they don't have the skills comfort themselves yet. Fortunately, we have websites like WP, where people can post their first-hand accounts of their childhood, so today's parents can get an idea of what truly works.

thank you for everyone's responses. we have an appointment tomorrow with his neuro. i actually think that his nightmares are going away but thank you so much for your information on nightmares and how i would be able to help him distinguish between something real and fake. i think that his nightmares are related to his anxiety. this is partly my fault. he was sleeping in his room and then i heard a low whining/crying noise from his room. i went in and asked what as wrong, he woke up in tears and said, "i've been sleeping for 10 days." omg i felt sooo bad. we always have appointments we have to go to like school, dr appointments, therapy, social skills class, birthday parties etc. the kids always give me a hard time getting dressed so i always say, "okay then you're gonna be late!" and then he freaks out and runs to get dressed. this is my way of making him help me get ready and it works but i think i've created a complex for him. he is now paranoid he will miss an appointment or be late. i realized this and i drew a calendar for him so we can right down all his appointments so he won't feel so anxious about missing an appointment.

lately he's been a lot more attentive. he's responding to what i say even if it's not directed towards him. i can carry a conversation with him a little more and he actually ate meat yesterday! it's been really nice out and we've been outside a lot. he also initiated playing with another kid at a birthday party (even though the kid was clearly annoyed and mean to him, arghh.) unfortunately he is extremely picky with his food and will not eat vitamins, but hopefully this is the end of the distant spell until the next milestone comes.