Can the planets meet

Post Reply New Topic

Hi,

I'm an NT parent who only once in 32 years stood up to my son. At some level I knew to keep my emotions to myself. I've since been alienated. I know I am the one that must change, but I'm feeling like a dart board with arrows being thrown at me. Can anyone offer any assistance. Reading the information and comments on this site, it seems to me that it is only aspies that feel misunderstood by NT parents, is there a level where parents sensitivites are understood??

It is one thing for a parent to sense stuff, love the child unconditionally and act 'appropriately', but when that child grows up, it is like being bludgeoned for me anyway.

I'm sorry, I dont understand your situation. Are you a 32 year old parent who is having difficulty with your child? Or do you have a 32 year old child that your having problems with? What exactly is the current set of problems you are experiencing, and what sort of help are you seeking? Do you just want somebody to talk to, or are you looking for more practical advice as in steps you can take?

I would love to help (thats why I'm here) but I have no idea what it is your asking for.

Lab Pet was about to post nearly the same as Tracker, but understood you are a parent of an Aspie. Firstly, Autists interpret very literally. When I first saw your thread title (referring to planets) this meant, to me, a science topic - astronomy/physics. But your meaning is quite different indeed; very personal.

In fact, this may be one of the underlying problems - unkown. If you have an ASD family member, in order to communicate so meaning is intact, you'll need to be very direct and literal. Do you think this could be a reason you have difficulties connecting with your son? In that, you may mean one thing, but he interprets are quite different? Then the inevitable communication impasse? I can understand Autists can be hard to read - I'm told this quite often about myself. This must be hard for a Neurotypical, and vice versa. But Lab Pet is mindblind - I cannot 'read' another's emotion, intent, or motive. And I have rudimentary emotions myself, so I would need translation.

You wrote you have only once "stood up" to your son? Does that mean to discipline him? But all children (except he's an adult now) need discipline -unsure of your meaning. But if he doesn't have proper manners then this is a problem. Especially if he's mistreating you, or others.

Does this make sense, in terms of understanding your son? I'm sorry if he's not treating you well, but he may be confused - which doesn't mean he doesn't like/love you! In fact, often quite the contrary - he may just be frustrated with not being able to 'read' you. I hope that helps. Sometimes Aspies do best with written exchange - could you try that? As in, instead of talking to him (about this difference/problem), write back and forth to each other. And if you have emotions, be explicit and explanatory for him so he's not totally confused. NT emotions can be bewildering.

But, on the other side - Aspies are the logical beings. So if you try this approach, he'll catch-on quickly. I hope that answered - unsure?

thanks guys for response. To make myself clear, I am the mother of a 32 year old. He was always well behaved so there was no need to discipline him. I suppose I am trying to get to know how you guys interpret things so I can try to ihelp me understand my sons adult persona. I have tried reaching him at every level and in every way. He seems to prefer a telephone exchange and requires an agenda for discussion unless the topic is one on which he feels superior, powerful and in control. He is mixed up with some dicey people albeit it educated and middle class and I don't know whether to give up or try try to reach out to him. I can't find a level. He hates confrontation, but is confronting, he hates conflict, but creats it etc. etc.

He hasn't been diagnosed, but his childhood displayed all the signs and traits which he writes off as nerdish. As a parent I know that is not true