So flipping mad - school negligence - heat stroke

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I have honestly never been so mad in my entire life, seriously.

My son attends a private school for kindergarten-all day. Today he attended after school care for 20 minutes before I picked him up.

It is 96 degrees outside. I picked him up and he was wearing thick jeans and a thicker long sleeve shirt. He had been playing outside for about 20 minutes. He apparently spilled something on his shirt in the morning (at least that is what he said) so they put him in that. He said he went to two recesses. I believe him because he is really good at knowing that information. TWO RECESSES and he was also outside for 20 minutes after school before I picked him up. SEVERAL people saw him today and nothing was said or done, nothing.

When I picked him up he was a little confused and disoriented. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were slightly white. We went directly to his speech and language appt where I gave him some water. At that time, the receptionist asked him a few questions and he didn't respond. I was ready to go directly to the hospital. After some water, his cheeks turned back to normal and so did his personality. I was no longer concerned.

He needs a little more reminders than the average child to drink water. He probably had very little today. They should know that as it is simple common sense. They should have called us to bring a shirt and shorts or at least not let him outside in 95 degree heat. There are only 12 kids in his class with one to two aides. If he spilled something on his shirt in the middle of winter, would they put shorts and a tank top on him and make him go outside? I think not. If it were one of their kids, would they have allowed that? No.

What makes me so mad is that NO ONE absolutely no one seemed to notice or care. He could have died out there or at least fainted.

He is NOT attending this school next year!! I called the superintendent and left a message. His child has Aspergers so hopefully he will understand even more although it really isn't an Autism educational issue. They showed absolutely no caring for my son. They have done other things like this, too. Two weeks ago the teacher blamed him for not giving her the picture money when it was due. It was in his backpack. Good grief. It is a small classroom with one to two aides, it's not too difficult to look. She knows his special needs.

I hate the school! We pay good money for crap.

I hope the superintendent is helpful. I agree that they should have called you and kept him inside if it wasn't possible to bring him hot weather clothing.

That is absolutely horrible!

If it makes you feel any better, Nate probably didnt know he was overheated. I'm not saying he wasn't, but he likely didn't feel any discomfort because of it.

natesmom,

Heatstroke is a SERIOUS circumstance. Could anyone REALLY even say you recover 100%? If I were his father, I would be threatening to have the school shutdown, and SUE!

That said, I have been in the same circumstances, out in the heat with little water, not that it matters! I have also been in extreme cold. When you have NO shelter, and it is snowing, and you have NO transportation(not even WALKING), it isn't fun. I mean if you are on fire, do you think drinking water will put out the fire? OF COURSE NOT! Cells or reactions are OBVIOUSLY suffering when you have heat stroke. Would it be reasonable to believe that a little water brings you back to where you were? NOPE! Even putting water on a fire may put it out but there maay be smoke damage or singeing you may only notice LATER.

So the schools should:

1. LIMIT EXPOSURE!
2. ENSURE HYDRATION.
Think of a hundred things that are less important....

103. Remove them from the exposure.
104. Give them light cool juice(like apple juics)
105. Maybe cover the head with cool wet cloths.
106. Maybe use ice.

The idea that a cup of water makes it all ok is just DUMB!

Thanks everyone. My husband had a meeting with them this morning. I guess they are thinking about changing policies. My husband stated that the superintendent was there along with other team members. They did have the nerve to say that they rolled up his sleeves and that some other kids were in jeans. Yeah, well they weren't in a long sleeve warmer shirt. Do I care what other kids wear?

Oh - Nate brought in his picture money when it was due. There were class pictures and also individual pictures which were paid separately - due different days. Well, Nate usually turns in his homework but apparently the money wasn't inside his homework folder the first time. If they ask the class, he usually doesn't respond because he is distracted. They blamed him and us. The second time with the individual pictures, we put the money in his homework folder. The teacher stated that if the kids don't have the homework folder, they ask them to go get it. So, in other words, it is our fault again or his fault. It was in his folder. If it fell out, sorry. If there was one teacher and no aide, I would understand. Having two aides and one teacher in a class of 12 and not even check is really ridiculous. The teacher stated this afternoon that I should email everyday and that I should have emailed her to let her know about the picture money. Well, I didn't think that they wouldn't check or that he wouldn't turn it in. Sure, I should have emailed but they KNOW that he has some special needs. They should accommodate.

I will be so glad to be done at this school.

Hate it!

Since I am the psych at the school he will be attending, we will have more success.

Our principal is really careful about heat issues. She made sure our new school was built with lots of shade, and I've heard her on hot mornings running down the list, what to do in the heat, making sure the kids repeat it back to her.

I am sorry you had such a scare. It is serious.

On the picture money, it's funny, after helping in a few classrooms sorting kids folders, etc., I decided I was never trusting the kids or the teachers. I give all my payments directly into the nearest possible responsible person's hands. Lunch money to the lunch woman's in-box. Field trip money in the teacher's HAND. And so on. If a payment has to go in, I walk onto campus with my child and deliver it. I'm easing up a bit with my middle school child, but in elementary school ... I think there is no perfect way to make sure it is handled properly, so you've got to do it yourself. They shouldn't have blamed you - that is ridiculous. They must know how often this stuff slips. Our teachers do; they keep working on it, but they always assume it was a slip at school.

Kindergarten graduate.
Went well but just one last thing had to happen. We are really good friends with another couple and she received Nate's scrapbook pictures. She is aware that things have happened all year. Her child is in the same class yet received everything. Everyone always received their stuff but us. This crap always happened to us but it didn't happen to other people we know. We hardly ever received newsletters, notifications, anything. I never knew when things were done or fun events occurred. We didn't even get our pictures when everyone else did, didn't get the money on time for pictures because they said Nate didn't give them the homework folder. Actually "they" is the one teacher.

We had to deal with this crap on a daily basis. Why did I have to deal with it on the last day, WHY?? I will never forgot this whole experience. I am mad at myself for feeling mad. Why can't I just let it go? Nate and I were blamed for everything. She didn't accommodate and for some reason I was a wimp and didn't stick up for us. They needed to accommodate and didn't simple as that. .

Last edited by natesmom on 21 May 2009, 7:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Take him out of that school before you go to jail for murdering the teachers and aides.
Get after that superintendent until he/she gives you an answer.

LOL - I wouldn't take it that far. You are funny, though.

I will probably just rise above everything and send them a card of thanks. There are some extremely nice people there as well. I feel I am just taking it way too personal. Perhaps she is just extremely disorganized.

Well, I dont know if this will help but lets give it a try.

First off, you may want to schedule some down time in the near future. I prefer a nice dark quiet room to myself, but you may get better results doing something else like going out with friends. However you choose to relax, make sure you dont have any distractions like children, or husbands. I recommend sicking your children on your husband and then sneaking off in the ensuing chaos while 'forgetting' your cell phone. That should buy you a few hours.

Secondly, disappointment and anxiety over your past is something that you have to take care of personally. I'm not saying that you shouldn't seek out help and reassurance, but it is not going to go away if you just try to ignore it, suppress it, or wait for somebody else to fix it. I'm afraid you have face the past yourself if you ever want to be at peace with it. Believe me when I tell you that I have quite a few things in my past which I would not classify as happy memories. As such, I am well aware of where you are coming from. I wish I could give you an easy answer, but I have yet to find one myself. The best I can do is tell you what worked for me, and hope it helps you too.

The most important step in overcoming difficult memories is to take a good account of what is actually going on without letting emotions cloud your judgment. It is human nature to take problems from the past and agonize about them long after the aftermath is over. For example, your son Nathan was overheated. This is definitely not a desirable situation, but it isnt the end of the world. If Nathan is anything like me, he probably didnt even notice he was hot. He probably felt a bit weird and light headed, but I doubt he was in any pain. And once he was able to get some water and cool down the problem was past. It isnt a problem today, and it wont be a problem in the future. Likewise, you may not have a great understanding with his current teacher, but you dont have to deal with her anymore. I'm not saying your life is going to be trouble free, but you cant fix tomorrow's problems by adding on the problems from the past.

It may be of use to make a list of everything that you are feeling anxiety over. Don't write down things like I'm too passive to stand up for myself', because thats just self doubt. Write down actual events that happened that you have anxiety over. For example:
1. Nathaniel got overheated at school.
2. The teacher blames me for not keeping Nathan under control.
Etc.

Next to those, make a list of how that situation actually affects you today. For example:
1. Nathan is feeling fine, and is doing well. His brief exposure to heat hasn't hurt him at all.
2. Nathan is doing his best and slowly maturing. The teacher's impatience hasn't hurt my ability to take care of Nathan, nor has it damaged either of us permanently.
Etc.

Next to that you can write of list of things that you can do in the future should this sort of thing happen again. For example:
1. I can make sure that Nathan has 2 appropriate changes of clothes for warm/cool weather. I can also store these in a large Ziploc bag that is clearly labeled and in an easily accessible location.
2. I can tell the teacher to shut up.
Ok, probably not the best choice but I hope you didnt come to the autism forum expecting to find advice on being tactful. Being blunt is soo much more effective.

It is basically like self Cognitive Restructuring. Ive been doing it all my life long before I even knew there was a name for it. It doesnt magically solve your problems, but it does help you to see them in a new light and realize that you cant expect to be contented with life if you keep making mountains out of mole hills. Whenever you are feeling overwhelmed by these sorts of memories, just remind yourself that it is in the past, and you have moved beyond that. It no longer affects you unless you let it and you are not taking crap from anybody, including yourself. Your present may be a result of what happened in the past, but your future is a result of the choices you make today.


The second step in overcoming the past is preventing current and future troubles from compounding the issue. You have said before that you are a christian, so I assume you have read the Bible. As such you probably know full well that life was never promised to be all puppies and rainbows. Even the life of somebody who does their best and acts with kindness and love will be fraught with problems. As such, the problems of life should not surprise you. The problems may come from unexpected sources, and the details of the case may not be what you anticipated, but the fact that there is and will be problems is a part of life. Learn to accept that difficulties are a part of life and they are there to make you a stronger person. When you stop expecting everything to go perfect, and start realizing that stuff happens, you will be less surprised, and less affected when stuff inevitably goes wrong.

So, Nathan had a meltdown? You can either beat yourself up over not being a better parent and blaming this on yourself, or you can take the proactive approach and realize that dealing with difficulties is just a part of life. I personally remember breaking down in tears in my 11th grade history class because I couldnt control my emotions. Your son struggling with this also is not a sign of bad parenting, it is merely a struggle that he will have to face on his path towards becoming a more mature person.

So, your husband forgot your anniversary? Its not the end of the world, you can celebrate the next night. The important thing isnt the day on the calender, but the renewing of the connection that you two share.

Now I'm not saying that you should become completely passive and let people walk over you, but I am saying that you need to be able to separate yourself from your unbridled emotions and realize that the world doesnt end when you go through a tough time.


Also, please remember that your not in this alone. You may need to be the one who needs to change their thought process, but that doesnt mean you cant get help. See if you can talk to your husband, or a close friend. They may able to help you work through the difficulties in your past by putting it into a new perspective. And keep in mind that you can always vent on this message board. It may not solve all your problems, but it can help you to get your emotions out of the way and allow you to approach things more effectively.


And lastly, keep your eyes on your goals in life. Your goals in all things shouldn't be to get your sons to school on time, or get dinner made. Those are tasks that should be accomplished, but not life goals. Your goals should be to develop yourself as a more mature, loving person, who is slow to anger, quick to listen, patient, compassionate, forgiving, gentle, self-controlled, and loving. And also to pass on these qualities to others around you such as your children. The challenges of life may sidetrack you and through you off course, and if you have no clear bearings it is easy to become lost and filled with self doubt. But if you always know where you are headed, then it is much easier to get back on track.

Wow. I will have to write more later. Tracker, are certainly one of the best writers and advice givers I have ever encountered. Such wonderful advice. You are a very perceptive individual.