salad wrote:
the sad thing is ill never know the truth of whether i have been brainwashed to gullibly swallow religious dogma or corrupted by the devil to deviate from my religion.

Read the bible cover to cover when you get a moment.... or several months. I think you'll find a lot of answers.
Really the bible is nothing like our present church culture, Sunday school is nothing like it, and what gets provided in our culture - the reason so many Christians don't read the bible - is what you might call a loosely nit and agreed upon cultural egregore of sorts.
I don't know what you'll find more interesting - whether it'll be John's neoplatonism, the Chaldean astrology loaded in the Torah and Ezekiel, or just the sheer amount of killing 'supposedly' done by a God who was so angry at Jephthah in Judges for offering a human sacrifice for victory in battle that he sent Jephthah's daughter out as the sacrifice (which doesn't jive at all with Samuel's men and David's men killing each other, Israelites fighting Israelites, and rather vague reappearances of the voice of Yahweh rubber-stamping their decisions).
After pouring over it as much as I did trying to really understand it I finally decided to bounce it off of the Hermetic corpus, some of my 'spiritual warfare' readings into stuff like Manly P Hall's Secret Teachings of All the Ages kicked in, and as I started studying Kabbalah/Cabala/Qabalah and it's various history I'm starting to understand the whole "milk for babes, meat for men" thing - ie. what really seems to be hidden under the Torah is something more akin, at least in my mind, in flavor to Hinduism or Buddhism albeit taken in the Hermetic direction it cleaves to material optimism rather than material pessimism. When I first started reading MP Hall and others with their claims of various patriarchs being mystery initiates I just took that as being their own particular brand of koolaid to sell but when you reall think of it - Moses was an adopted son of the Pharoah during the height of the Egyptian mysteries (arc building was an Egyptian art, the ten commandments or something very similar are in the Papyrus of Ani), and then you have people like Daniel and Ezra in Babylon - the place where most people believe that the Pentateuch or Torah were written and based on the Babylonian creation stories it makes sense when you have seven day weeks and cycles or a complete Mazaloth or zodiac being described as encompassing the Earth (whether it's the twelve renumbered tribes among the Levites to make thirteen or it's the twelve disciples around Jesus - that repeats). Another fun bit of astrology - the four faces of the cherubim (Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius, Taurus) gets thrown in not only in Ezekiel but also in Revelations in the throne room of Revelations 4. Revelations seems to be a complete throwback to the Old Testament in how the gifts to the overcomers of the seven churches in Revelations 2 and 3 are all given gifts that would mean far more to a mystery initiate than to us - things like new or secret names in particular has a very pagan-mystery type of flavor, add certain overcomers being made permanent pillars in God's throne room and you very quickly get the feeling that we're looking at something much closer to a document on pagan-style gnosis than the 20th/21st century church-isms of the US or other places. The Lucifer thing is even worse - however they describe the king of Tyre in Isaiah 14 get's reused (bright and morning star) not only as a gift to the overcomers of Thyatira but also is used to describe Jesus. Gematria for 'serpent' and 'savior' are also the same - so much points in the direction of virtual dualism within monism that it gets hard to keep track of.
Anymore I still think that the bible is an incredibly important and valuable book but as a storehouse of various mystery teachings from antiquity from some of the best schools of that time - IF you can walk it backward and get a good understanding of the cultural contexts and hermeneutics.