What if Jews actually did control the world?

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In the goofier parts of the internet, I often see people who think that Jews secretly control the world. What if Jews actually did control the world? What would the world be like?

- We would be flying into space in spaceships shaped like dreidels and menorahs.
- Non-kosher foods would be banned.
- It would be illegal to work on the Sabbath.
- Jerusalem would be the location of the UN headquarters.
- Everyone would be trained in Jew Jitsu ... I mean Krav Maga.
- There would be no price tags on anything. People would always haggle, even with vending machines.
- Uncircumcised men would face bullying and discrimination.
- Robots would be called "mechanical golems".
- Hot dogs and bacon cheeseburgers would only be consumed in secret, underground cults.

The next question is: which Jews? If it's a matter of liberal, educated, enlightened Jews like Jon Stewart or Albert Einstein, it might be something to look forward to. But if it's Hasidic Jews or politically right wing Zionists we're talking about, then no thank you. The thing is, the nutbars on the internet who rant and rave about Jews controlling the world make absolutely no distinction between said Jews. Jews are as divided by differing attitudes, values, and political ideologies as are the rest of us.

jews don't control the world.

i do.

(the secret is out.....)

What if Autistic Jews controled the world?

I would be really privileged.

well ... the comforting thing about conspiracy theories is always that they imply that someone is in charge and knows what the hell is going on ....

if jews were in charge, I'd say they are doing a really bad job at steering things to their advantage.

We wouldn't be able to have any traffic with the ideas of goy Gentile thinkers like Darwin, and Galileo. We would still adhere to the Old Testament cosmology of a young, geocentric, earth.

Well, I guess Israel is actually controlled by the Jews.
Been there. Talked to people there. Lots of different agendas, ideologies, political parties fighting each other.
What if the whole world looked like this? Oh, wait....

Yes. In some ways the world might be even more fractious than it is now.

But...the Jews would STILL hafta to take THEIR orders from....the Arcturian Reptoids!

Don't give conspiracy theorists any ideas! We autistics, as a weird and socially awkard minority, stand a good chance to become the target of some crazy witch hunt or other.

- Germany would have been nuked long ago.

- 100% of Noble prizes would be for Jewish scientists.