Is fighting against an abuser wrong?

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I agree with what LiberalJustice said. It is best if we can be as skillful as possible in dealing with these sorts of things - to be able to stop the abuse whilst at the same time inflicting as little damage as we can. Very difficult balance. It sounds like you did well.

IMO it is kinder to stop an abuser by relying on forceful actions than it is to continue being their punching bag, or doormat. To allow the abuse to continue is harmful for both the abuser and the recipient/s of the abuse.

So, trying to come at this from a Christian perspective, the OP being a devout Christian (right? I'm new here, but I have that impression of the OP). Sorry if this is a wall of words ... I have a lot to say, I hope I don't make your eyes glaze over.......

First of all, Matthew 18:21-22, where Jesus tells Peter to forgive his brother 70 x 7 times. Go back and re-read that in context. The parable Jesus uses to exemplify this teaching is of a servant who is about to be sold into slavery along with his wife and children, in payment of a large debt. He begs for mercy and the master takes pity and forgives the whole debt. Then the servant turns around and demands payment of a much smaller debt from a fellow servant, who also begs for mercy but is denied it. When the master finds out, the first servant's punishment is worse than the original threat: "his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt".

So throughout biblical history we can see that God threatens wrath against the people for their sinfulness, but relents either because of their own repentance or the intercession of a holy person. Either they beg for mercy or someone begs on their behalf. But even if He relents once, if the people continue to sin, He will ultimately punish them. But if your stepfather was unrepentant, you could not forgive him. What you loose on earth is loosed in heaven, and what you bind on earth is bound in heaven ... we Catholics apply that teaching to the sacrament of Reconciliation (confession and absolution). The sinner cannot be absolved if he's not repentant. He has to repent and ASK for forgiveness, and if he's not contrite in his heart, the priest can say "you're absolved" but he will still be bound to his guilt in heaven.

Again, there is the teaching about turning the other cheek: if your enemy strikes you on the cheek, turn and offer him also the other cheek. If he takes your coat, give him also your cloak. If he forces you to walk a mile, walk two miles with him. OK, this one's a little harder, given that Jesus Himself gave the ultimate example of peaceful submission to His enemies, allowing Himself to be crucified. But remember that Joseph & Mary fled into Egypt to protect Him from earlier enemies. Remember that He drove the money-changers out of the temple -- with a whip, according to John (John 2:15). He submitted to the crucifixion for a purpose, according to God's will. Just like Gandhi and King taught peaceful non-violence, submission to abuse can transform the abuser.

If there is no transformation in the situation, I think that your submission to an abuser like your stepfather, when you became able to oppose him, could have amounted to collusion with his sin. This is not advice to any other victim of domestic violence, since as others have pointed out, abusers are more likely to become MORE violent when they are directly opposed. But in your case you were able to successfully stand up to him, and I think you did the right thing. Sometimes sin has to be resisted in order for a transformation to occur. Anyway, you stood up to him without (I gather) doing him any serious or permanent harm. I used to see this all the time at work: women colluding in sexual harassment and discrimination by not calmly and assertively correcting the abuse at the very beginning. Those women who were confident and assertive professionals were treated with much more respect, in a very sexist environment.

OK, all that said. Holding onto anger and resentment and hatred hurts YOU. How to let go of it, especially if he is NOT repentant? One, now that you are out of his power, stay away, don't let him add to the abuse. Two, know that sin hurts the sinner most of all, and pray for his conversion. Three, keep doing what you did with this post, i.e. examining your role in the relationship and its effects on your character. For this, I highly recommend the book Codependent No More, I think the author's name is Melody Beattie. I also highly recommend Al-Anon or its offspring, ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics).

sorry again for the wall-o-words......

As far as I see it, there is no worse crime than abuse against the helpless. An action that makes such abuse stop, and either dissuades or completely disables the abuser from taking similar action again in the future, is a good thing in my opinion. No forgiveness is owed to abusers, as those are the people who most consciously do harm.

Your actions sound totally badass in my opinion.

having known abuse as a child I say you were jutsified in your actions

coming from a christian point of view yes you should forgive him but you shouldnt let people bully and put you down, I cant see how that would enable you to fufil your role for god or do any good on earth.

This whole thread seems to be more aimed at not do you forgive him, but do you forgive yourself? He will have to deal with his brutality as he would but your problem seems to be dealing with the counter-brutality he evoked.I think you should forgive yourself as the action, in my view, was warranted.

This! God forgives you, I know.... Move on.

Having never made His acquaintance I have had to make do with myself.

Ahhh.... well, I hope you will make His acquaintance some day, if you're open to it. He's awesome!

I don't understand why there isn't more violence.

Why don't Catholic priests answer the door to 25 year old men who say...
"Remember me father? Back when I was 14......."

How about prison guards? If I had gone to jail and some guard treated me badly then one day I would be waiting for him outside the jail.

I don't forgive and I don't forget.

You mess with me and sooner or later you will get payback.

Not more impressive than Dumbo, the flying elephant that I've actually seen moving pictures of. Takes a lot to beat that.

"God is that than which nothing greater can be conceived." -- St. Anselm of Canterbury

For those of us who have made His acquaintance, He is ... awesome.

Since you can't conceive of Him, how can He be awesome? You can have no knowledge of Him at all if you accept that definition.

It doesn't say I can't conceive of Him. It says I can conceive of nothing greater than Him. He is a mystery, but then so is my boyfriend. Doesn't mean I don't know him, just because I don't fully comprehend him. Doesn't mean I don't love him and know what it's like to be loved by him.

There you go again. He's inconceivable but you know Him. Doesn't that bother you at all? The definition didn't say he was partly conceivable. It said he was inconcievabe, period. If you can love something like that, totally not conceivable, you have strange tastes in love indeed. Of course the little man at the corner in the battered derby smoking a cigar who blows a whistle and sells balloons to kids is inconceivable as God so maybe that's who you love. Maybe?

Again, the definition does NOT say He is inconceivable. Read it again! The definition says NOTHING GREATER THAN HIM is conceivable. Read, read, think before posting.

God is a person whom I know. I have a 2-way relationship with God. Because I cannot see Him does not mean that I do not know Him. If you were blind, would you think no one else existed? Better yet, do I exist? You can neither see me nor hear me nor smell me nor touch me. But we communicate. And I communicate with God, and God communicates with me.

Because you have not experienced it does not mean it is not real. Do you believe in atoms? Do you believe in the far side of the moon? Do you believe I am lying when I say I live in a house, because you have not seen my house and have no evidence of its existence? I say I live in a house, and you don't think twice about whether or not that is true. I say I know God and have a relationship with Him, and you think because He hasn't reached down and smacked you across the head for dissing Him, He must not exist. Bah.

You are making all sorts of assumptions. Let's see. Do I believe in atoms? What do you mean by atoms? Are they little solid balls? I think not. I have heard that there is more space in atoms than anything else. Do I believe there is something there. It seems likely but what, I cannot say. These little unknowables have observed properties that register on instrumentation. Has God ever registered on instrumentation? I don't think so. Did this man who so easily described God as being greater than anything conceivable have more or less imagination than me? I don't know. Perhaps he had no imagination at all and perhaps I or you could conceive something greater than God and he couldn't. I don't know.Since you are so intimate with God (or believe you are) how do you know this isn't some alien creature who is in direct contact with you and not with me. I don't know. I do think, not only twice, but many times about whether you exist in a house or a barn or in a tunnel under Chicago or perhaps in the mind of someone in a lunatic asylum who has access to a computer. I don't know. There are many things I don't know and I am quite willing to admit I don't know. Are there many things you don't know but aren't willing to admit it? I wonder.