Opinion on chivalry?
If anything we need more of if in society.
Total BS - You can't be serious. You believe women are entitled to these privileges based solely on their gender?
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?Don't worry about failure. Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try.?
I don't think the situation in question has anything to do with equality. It has a lot more to do with culture and generational differences. If this happened between two younger people, it would seem odd - today. But in that man's formative years it was expected for him to do that. He's acting in the way he was taught. He's being kind in a way that he's familiar with. To him what he did was "good" behavior. I think it would be an insult to him for the young woman to turn down the seat. But I would not expect his brand of politeness (chivalry, if you will, based on gender) from anyone in today's culture. However, kindness should never be taken as an insult, and he was being kind.
If I were the young woman in that situation, I'd thank him, smile, and graciously take the offered seat, and be sure to thank him again when we parted ways.
Where I'm from, it's just what you were taught to do. There are manners for men to use with ladies, lady's to use with men, children to use with adults, adults to use with the elderly, etc. That doesn't mean that when someone uses those manners that they are trying to prove a point. It's just simply good manners.
If a 20 year old woman offers her seat on the bus to a 70 year old woman do you think that the 20 year old is implying that the 70 year old is so decrepit that she must have immediate need to sit? Or are certain manners that are taught to be used with a specific group of people so discriminatory and bigoted that they should be immediately outlawed?
ETA; I knew a guy that was a fireman from the Deep South who went to some large convention somewhere up North. He was a nice guy and not a chauvanist in any way. At lunchtime, a group of the people who were at the conference went to eat and were standing outside to smoke before going back in. A lady fireman was in their group and she put her cigarette in her mouth to light it, and because the guy had his lighter still out and in his hand, he lit it and held it up for her to light her cigarette. Well, she about had a stroke right there. He was being "chauvanistic" and "sexist" and he was "harrassing" her and she marched her little butt back in there to tell on him.
For attempting to light her cigarette.
It's not like he started frantically digging in his pockets. That would be overkill and would only be expected at the most formal of occasions.
Usually most girls don't expect guys to do those certain things, they are simply done. When they are offered, then you graciously accept them. They are not our "due" just for having a vagina. However, depending on where you are and what situation you are in, they most certainly shed some light on your upbringing and who you are as a person.
No one is implying this man is a pig, his intentions were good. I don't care if people were taught to do this. This isn't a reasonable justification for it. Women are not entitled to special treatment just because they're a woman!
A lot of women want equality and rightly so too but they also want to keep their traditional privileges.
You can't have both. Sorry.
.
_________________
?Don't worry about failure. Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try.?
Last edited by Clucky on 23 Nov 2012, 2:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
If I were the young woman in that situation, I'd thank him, smile, and graciously take the offered seat, and be sure to thank him again when we parted ways.
I agree. This probably seems like a natural thing to do for this man, and by no means would I be angry towards him.
But I disagree about your view that the woman should just accept this. No, if she knew she was only being offered this seat based on her gender she should pleasantly reject it. This special treatment towards women should not be tolerated or accepted.
_________________
?Don't worry about failure. Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try.?
By the way, to anyone questioning my civility because I do not condone this act, that kind of proves the fragility of your argument.
I open doors all the time, for both men and women, I'm kind and considerate to all people. I don't think a woman deserves special treatment based on her gender. To me that's discriminatory.
_________________
?Don't worry about failure. Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try.?
If people think chivalry is wrong I wonder how they reconcile it with government enforcing it's own gender and racial preferences. Women don't want men to open doors for them anymore, but government opening the 'metaphorical' door special preferences to jobs and schools is still a-okay.
If anything we need more of if in society.
The HELL we do
We need more civility and courtesy to others, but chivalry in the post-feminist age amounts to nothing more than inculcating women with a sense of entitlement(which they already HAVE).
I agree with the first half, though not with the idea that it makes women feel 'entitled.' If some guy tried to hold back an entire platform of people to get me on the train first, I'd feel embarassed and flustered, not special. When guys were running to open museum doors for me in DC, I felt creeped out, not assisted.
If the logistics are such (you're in front, door opens towards you) that it makes for a smoother flow of people for you to open the door, then you should open the door regardless of your gender and that of the person behind you. If they have their hands full and you don't, you should hold the door - regardless of your gender and theirs - because it will make their life a little bit easier at no cost to you. If people are standing around with cigarettes, and you have your lighter out, sure - light their cigarette, regardless of gender, because it's more efficient in terms of total movement.
People should be polite to each other, but basing politeness on gender does no one any favors.
I agree. This probably seems like a natural thing to do for this man, and by no means would I be angry towards him.
But I disagree about your view that the woman should just accept this. No, if she knew she was only being offered this seat based on her gender she should pleasantly reject it. This special treatment towards women should not be tolerated or accepted.
This is a situation that I come to often (being female and taking the bus a lot) and it causes me some mild angst. I have been offered seats by probably hundreds of elderly men (I am now middle aged). Of course it is because of my gender because I've never seen them offer it to men. This didn't feel like my due (as you imply women feel). Instead it felt like a complicated social dance where I had to balance their desire to conform to the social norms they were familiar with my desire to conform to my own more modern norms. These norms were in mild generational conflict, thus the angst.
So sometimes I took the seat. Sometimes I didn't. I based whether I did or not both on how he looked (his level of elderly frailty) and my own situation of the moment. I would always initially decline if he looked frail because I thought he would be secretly relieved to not give up his seat. If he insisted repeatedly, I took it, to make him fel better. When I was pregnant or holding my infant daughter I always took the offered seat. To not do so would make the elderly man feel like a rude creep for sitting while a pregnant woman stood. So whether I took the offer or not was always situational and always geared towards how I thought it would make the elderly man feel.
Your solution of always declining may seem like an ideal non-sexist solution at first. It's what I often went for. But there were times when it was clear that declining would make the elderly man feel horrible (when I was pregnant and then carrying a baby in my arms) and so at those times I always accepted.
It isn't as clear cut as you make it. It's very situational.
As my age advances I find myself ocassionally being offred seats by men in their teens and twenties. I always accept. They are deferring to my age, not my gender.
Funny, but the people I hear pushing chivalry are usually partriarchal men or women who ascribe to traditional gender roles, not feminists pushing to get out of those roles.
If I were the young woman in that situation, I'd thank him, smile, and graciously take the offered seat, and be sure to thank him again when we parted ways.
I agree,many of the old timers were raised to behave this way,in their youth a man that sat in a seat and didn't offer it to a lady would have been thought of as a mannerless ass.His mother had most likely taught him to be polite and he was happy to be gracious.
I don't expect anyone to give me a seat,I will offer mine to the elderly,a mother with a child or someone with a ton of packages or a person who has a disability where it would be hard for them to stand.
I don't get "bitchy"if a man opens the door for me,or lights my cigarette,I was raised around men that do this,even younger ones still do. I always thank them,they are trying to be nice.And I open doors for people also.And I was so grateful to the men who have always stopped and helped me out with flat tires.Good neighbors and Gentlemen. I can't physicaly help someone broke down on the road, but I always offer to get them help,male or female.
Clucky wrote:
You’ll find me to be much more condescending than OliveOilMom.
Just ask around.
Actually I am serious to a good degree since I’m somewhat of a traditionalist with no plans on changing.
_________________
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
- Thomas Jefferson
Actually I am serious to a good degree since I’m somewhat of a traditionalist with no plans on changing.
Well, if you choose to put women on a pedestal because chivalry demands it(FYI chivalry is quite a bit more than just "ladies first" and opening/holding doors for women, my friend)despite the fact that this practice was invented at a time when there was socially and legally mandated inequality between the sexes in favor of men, then you're a doormat and I hope you enjoy getting pussywhipped.
Last edited by AspieRogue on 24 Nov 2012, 1:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Actually I am serious to a good degree since I’m somewhat of a traditionalist with no plans on changing.
Well, if you choose to put women on a pedestal because chivalry demands it(FYI chivalry is quite a bit more than just "ladies first" and opening/holding doors for women, my friend)despite the fact that this practice was invented at a time when there was socially and legally mandated inequality between the sexes in favor of men, then you're a doormat and I hope you enjoy getting p****-whipped.
It's about choosing to do it, not out of being pussywhipped.
And I don't put anyone on a pedestal.
Believe what you want, though.....
_________________
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
- Thomas Jefferson
Actually I am serious to a good degree since I’m somewhat of a traditionalist with no plans on changing.
Well, if you choose to put women on a pedestal because chivalry demands it(FYI chivalry is quite a bit more than just "ladies first" and opening/holding doors for women, my friend)despite the fact that this practice was invented at a time when there was socially and legally mandated inequality between the sexes in favor of men, then you're a doormat and I hope you enjoy getting pussywhipped.
It's about choosing to do it, not out of being pussywhipped.
And I don't put anyone on a pedestal.
Believe what you want, though.....
Despite being voted as being liberal by the PPR forum, I am quite conservative about gender issues. The idea or chivalry is that it is a consolation prize. Men are to protect women and in return, women must be obedient to men. The modern interpretation of chivalry instructs men to tolerate women's behavior even when women are being selfish or irrational.
There's a woman who has PMDD and that causes her to become extremely angry and physically abusive towards her own daughter(whose below the age of 10)every time she's on her period. Her husband is bothered by it but is too chivalrous to man up and physically restrain her for the sake of their daughter when she's out of control.
If you choose to be chivalrous though, be my guest. But keep in mind that it's not going to help you get laid; even though people will think you're a good person for it.
Why give up your seat if you don't have to? If that makes him happy, good for him, I guess. He was kind of stupid in doing so, but I don't know whether that makes him 'wrong'; people are stupid about a lot of things and I don't make moral judgements.
Why turn down a seat if you need one and someone's offering?
That said, in general, I tend to think that chivalry is pretty outdated and could easily come across as demeaning.
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