I don't want children...

Post Reply New Topic

When I was 36, a physician in Gender Clinic went into great depth about in ventro fertilization. Even though she asked if I wanted children and I answered "no", she kept pressuring me to have children. But it doesn't affect her if I had children. She wrote on the medical report that I said "I do not ever want to have children." "Ever"? that makes it sound like a long time.

Besides, over 35 pregnancy is "geriatric pregnancy."

not everyone is suited to have children. personality, time, energy, cash, whatever.

overpopulation

Successfully refraining from having children might be the one correct thing I have done in 39 years.

Interesting topic.

Well...to be perfectly honest, I never really wanted children. For me, it was more/less "part of the deal" when I got married.

Now, I can't imagine life being any other way.

As to whether you or anyone else SHOULD have children, I think that's your decision. There's a reason to have children, PLENTY of reasons not to, and it's nobody else's business what you want to do.

I repeat...it's nobody else's business what you choose to do.

As far as people telling you you'll regret not having children or whatever, this is what I've noticed: With people who said when they were younger they absolutely would never, EVER have children, and I'm really referring more to women here, there's a certain finality to saying absolutely no to children. By your 40's/50's, the time has passed for having children. So I think there's a degree of looking back on things you never did and experiencing anxiety that you've missed a grand opportunity. I'm not going to say "Oh, you'll regret it if you don't," or "you'll change your mind" and try to convince someone she should have children. But I will say that it quite often happens that way.

In my experience, having children has really enhanced my life. Having kids is a HUGE responsibility. As they grow, so do the demands they place on you as a parent. Everyone wants the best for their children. So there's a certain amount of pressure to perform better at your job, to expect raises and promotions, to take on leadership and volunteer roles, become involved in the community, etc. etc. etc. because you're really just thinking about how things are going to be better for your children.

Then you reach that part of life where the kids are all gone and you HOPE they visit and bring the grand babies. I'm not in that season of life yet, but it's not far off. So you keep working and keep working and stay busy, but you have all this extra money and time on your hands. Then it's like, hey, I can do ANYTHING I want! And then everything you touch turns to gold.

It's not that you have to have kids to do all that. Plenty of people are hugely successful as young adults before they marry and have kids. But I think when you have kids it pushes you to quit bad habits, form positive habits, and become the kind of person you'd want to see as a role model for others. There's no guarantee you'll retire rich or anything like that. It's not some genie in a bottle. But I do think it pushes you more to be self-motivated and work hard. It forces you be more reasonable in your values, and that returns dividends in the long run for many people.

I don't think it should be overlooked that part of the impulse to tell people they should have children probably comes from a desire to share something people have found pleasurable. If you've had the experience of raising children and found it to be life-enriching then it's quite natural and, dare I say it, good, to want others to have that experience too.

No different from recommending a book or a film that changed your perspective on life in a way you feel is positive. Or telling someone they should go on holiday to somewhere you like.

The idea that that this would be felt as pressure by people who have come to a different conclusion says more about them to me, than the people recommending child-rearing.

The 'you'll change your mind' thing is no different from when young kids say they hate the opposite sex and parents say 'you'll change your mind'. They say it because they've been through the same experience. It's smug and annoying and it may not apply to you but it isn't pressure.

And this isn't to say that there aren't people who will tell you you have a responsibility to procreate in case your baby cures cancer or solves climate change, or that God hates you if you don't. Of course there are, but who wants to listen to those kinds of people anyway?

But I suspect that what I've described above would account for the vast majority of what's felt as 'pressure' and is more likely to be sensitivity to what is perceived as criticism or judgement.

My daughter opted to not have children and I support her.I have seen parents put the pressure on asking when they will be grandparents.Sometimes when people ask her if she has kids and she says no they look sad and then tell her there is still time.When she says she doesn’t plan on it ever they act shocked.
Son has one kid and wants a vasectomy but insurance won’t cover it.

You could donate to sperm banks.