Bethie wrote:
leejosepho wrote:
I had been told God could...
As a lifelong atheist, this is the part that's confusing.
I understand, and I hope to help (or that I might have already helped) with that.
Bethie wrote:
Am I misunderstanding, or did you in fact already believe in a god when this person started talking to you about said god's abilities?
I have been going back and trying to keep up with posts here, so please forgive me if you now actually
do understand ...
Back in my days as a self-professed "Christian", I "believed in"
lots of things ... but "believe in" just never got me anywhere. So today, I simply
believe ... and sans any more "believe in" anything. You or anyone else might think I am just playing with words there, but I am not ... and yet I find myself at a loss to say anything "spiritual" in any way a merely-philosophical mind might truly comprehend. So then, and again:
I had "believed in the 'Christian "God"'" even long before I ever drank, and then one day I wrote this little piece of verse:
"To Florida I am going, that's south,
"With a bottle and a joint in my mouth ...
"And I'll ne'er be back o'er this sou'ern-bound track
"Until I finish this poem ... and I have no intention of ever doing that."
Then several years later ...
"The time has come to finish this poem,
"Cause 'God", I know, is calling me hoem.
"His people up there are with me in prayer,
"And love me and want me, I knowem."
Just a few months later, however, I discovered those church people really did
not want me around (since "drunk in church" just ain't cool, I guess) ... and there is where I now see myself as having been a delusional agnostic. I had always been told there
is a "God" ...
But then Bill W. said this very well:
"To Christ I conceded the certainty of a great man, not too closely followed by those who claimed Him. His moral teaching - most excellent. For myself, I had adopted those parts which seemed convenient and not too difficult; the rest I disregarded.
"The wars which had been fought, the burnings and chicanery that religious dispute had facilitated, made me sick. I honestly doubted whether, on balance, the religions of mankind had done any good. Judging from what I had seen in Europe and since, the power of God in human affairs was negligible, the Brotherhood of Man a grim jest."
(page 11)
If you want to insist I had always
at least believed there even is a God, I will not argue. But "believe in"? Nope, no way. I happen to be a first-born in a long line of first-borns, and about the third one back began a pattern of abandonment -- our mental images of "God" are often found in our images of our fathers -- even while yet being quite contemptibly religious (and yet actually almost as faithless as I had also become (after finding out their "Santa Claus" had been but a lie)).
So then, there I was in '81, faithless and hopeless, and there I remained until someone not long after took me by the hand and began teaching me how to live ... "God's way" (since my own manner of living had failed so miserably).
_________________
I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
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Last edited by leejosepho on 09 May 2011, 12:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.