Are you a Taoists ???

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This is magnificent. I'm there with you, Pixel8.

I'll keep reading, and post when I can.
There's a Tai Chi class starting Jan I hope.
got to go through the down curve is all,
all rivers end in the sea.
peace

No fancy prose from me this time. It has been years since I have felt adventurous enough to try it, and the results weren't so grand. Instead here is a post about something that's been going through my mind, and I was unsure of where to post. At the end I come to a personal revelation that relates to Taoism, but the post is not directly relevant to this thread and can be easily ignored.

- - -

I realized something recently. For (almost) as long as I can remember I have been trying to piece together why I am unhappy; what mechanism is responsible for what appears to be a functional inability in a variety of areas.

In the last month I have decided that the root of most all of my negative experiences and tendencies is two fold. I seem a touch startled to realize that I have an answer (maybe not 'the' answer, but a suitably workable answer), and it has intriguing implications.

First, there is my lack of self esteem which was caused by the psychological abuse my father visited upon me, my failure to cultivate healthy relationships with my peers, and something else I am not entirely cognizant of (I suspect it has to do with why I react negatively to compliments).

Second, there is the false belief that I had a faulty empathic response, which resulted in a nihilistic outlook that I could not know what was going on in anyone's mind, that I should instead try to abstain entirely from pathos. I further believed that accumulating contextual knowledge about even the most basic of circumstances was useless because it was such an overwhelming undertaking. This was caused primarily by my failure to cultivate healthy relationships with my peers, and a generally negative feedback system in my formative childhood years, where the best of efforts were met with the most complete of defeats.

Asperger's was always with me, in some way, but I, and my circumstances, exacerbated it. In addition to whatever part of my brain is actually inhibited, I am missing out on years (hell, decades) of practice that others have. I have always struggled to better myself, and a part of this has long been repressing any number of tendencies that I have now come to know as autistic in nature. And I have, for the most part, succeeded. I am more like a NT then many Aspies, but I am all too aware that faking it until you make it is not always practical. I am not a normal person, and I look upon the NTs who are distinctly concerned about their lack of salience with a mix of wonder, pity, and jealousy. I have the opposite problem.

This seems to mean, to me, that I have a path to a better life. I simply need to find a way to build my self esteem, and to put myself in an environment where I am rewarded for my empathy. Where the expression of my emotions and empathy is rewarded.

But, self esteem is (in my perspective) a part of the ego. As a Taoist I am told that I need to eschew my ego. I see no conflict in intentionally building my ego, if it is tempered with humility, as I can not deny, tear down, and purge something that I do not have. Who knows, maybe the transformation of increased self respect will result in the inner change that most achieve by tearing down their illusions of self.

In a way, I feel like I did that before I ever came to Taoism. I feel that the basis of my ego was flimsy and was ripped from me, and that all along I have had very little self will. Even when I endured great pain and when I trained myself to admirable skill, it was from a sort of insanity. A desperate and destructive delusion.

I feel like I must gain this mental strength, and that it is crucial to my health and well-being. That if I can not reconcile it with Taoism, it is time to leave Taoism behind.

I was told that Taoism was a 2% art: two percent practice after 6 months, two percent of that after a year, two percent of that after five years, two percent of that after ten years...

I think that this is that.

I sat down not knowing how I would end this, but knowing I needed to write it so that I could have the epiphany that awaited.

Well, here I go.

Hi, Death_of_Pathos, wow! interesting and complicated post; and, like you, I'm not sure if its relevant here or not. But I can hear in my mind the sage saying after almost every sentence, "maybe that's good, maybe that's bad, who knows?"

First, the ego is part of the self, but not the self. The self contains whatever it is that allows you to absorb the Taoist philosophy or other esoteric concepts. If I were not an agnostic, I would say that the self contains the image of God within you, and if that means something to you, use it. A strong self and strong self esteem does not require a strong ego which is the part of the self that measures your worth in terms of achievements by the standards of this culture--a distinctly anti-taoist perspective.

"Fake it til you make it" is one of my mottoes. Its relevance depends on whether what you are trying to "make" is worthwhile to you or not. The B. I. Singer story that I think of when I say "FITYMI" is about a man who wishes to be kind instead of angry. The anger is caused by the fact that everybody around is "such an idiot." The Rabbi tells him to "become a hypocrite," To pretend to be kind. After several years he
is known as the kindest man in the village. That's a Yiddish story, but I think it has a little bit of a taoist quality to it as well.

Good luck on your journey. Love and peace

..........

In case I don't post again before Christmas, peace and love to everybody on this thread!

Wow, some really great posts in the last week, deep and meaningful.
Do you really wanna know what I think, DoP?

Averick: Of cours, why wouldn't we? In a way, its your thread!

Oh, I'm not trying to play thread tug-of-war, what you replied was more than sufficient. I just don't want him to think he is being 'ignored'. Plus, you have many more years on me, old man.

I have to confess I've lost my Tao a bit through the giving up smoking period. I have immersed myself in online gaming (Anarchy Online) and my guild members and online friends have been my company most days. I have stopped going out and visiting and stopped cycling to score drugs. At least certain chemicals opened my mind to the esoteric, I took drugs today and my mind remembered to turn off the game and visit here. I have come to the conclusion that I need these substances to stop myself falling into a sleep of self denial and indifference.
I am glad I gave up tobbacco though, that at least had to go.

I would like a way to stay awake and aware without chemicals but I have nobody to teach me meditation. I kind of wish a contempory Lao Tzu type figure would come into my life and be my rolemodel. But all I have is you guys, autistic, esoteric and out there. Keep posting.

Hippy New Year!

We have Lao Tse in the form of the 170+ English translations of the Tao te Ching. We also have Buddha, Jesus and dozens other first class teachers; plus the thousands of helpful followers of these and other sages, guides, therapists, teachers, etc. I get my best comfort just from reading the Tao te Ching, then there is the book of Psalms from the Judeo-Christian Old Testament, and the many "happiness" texts like
Sri Chinmoy's Wings of Joy,

Good luck to you, You have the ability to think yourself to a better attitude or act yourself to a better way of thought. Peace and love to you, Pixel8.

ok, i haven't any cash now... but I'm treating myself to a hardcopy of the Tai Te Jing from Amazon next payday plus the other book you mentioned bobby, Sri Chinmoy's Wings of Joy.
Plus i'm buying the power of now. No excuses then. Just sit and...be

Power of Now is good. You may not be able to get into it right away. I tried to read it five years ago. I got half way through and gave up. I picked it up again this year and enjoyed it and benefited from it. Hang in there, I've been trying to get my act together for 75 years. I haven't done it yet, but it does get better.

for being in the present moment, the first thing is to practice mindfulness. the second thing is to sometimes be present and sometimes not - but recognize the difference. the third thing is to stretch out the times of being present.

mindfulness is simply paying attention to something which is presently occuring. it is good to start with things like washing dishes or some other well defined task. then advance to giving attention to what you are presently feeling.

i think being present in the moment is very complex mindfulness, i.e., being mindful of a multitude of things simultaneously, or capturing their essence, or taking the pulse of the moment....when something seems to require your attention, you can learn not to lose the multitude in the process..but it's a fine balancing act, requiring practice and skill.

can't remember if eckhart tolle says this or not.....being in the present moment is the key of all true spiritual endeavor and ancient teachings.

in order to be who or what you are, you must be present with yourSelf.

Thanks Bobby1933 and Alba,

I especially relate to the washing up thing, I often find it roots me and I feel I've washed up part of my subconcious. I also realise I haven't been doing it lately either along with a lot of other things that are nagging at me out of the corner of my eye. I guess I aught to go do it if I can drag myself out of cyberspace.

my own credit crunch, tai chi starts nearby on monday...boy am i glad i stuck with the no smoking now

Yes he does. It has a lot in common with mindfulness. There is quite an overlap between ancient teachings and some contemporary teachers but a difference in the language used. Some even superficially disagree with each other but the commonality is there. Take Eckhart Tolle and Jiddu Krishnamurti - they could seem like opposites to some people but both seem to refer to the same shift in consciousness and the seeing through or "dropping" of the "self" or "I". Similarly contemporary teachers such as Tony Parsons author of "As it is" refer to the awakening - but in language more reminiscent of Zen or Advaita and "That thou art".