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Sweetleaf
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28 Nov 2011, 3:16 pm

LKL wrote:
Sweetleaf, sometimes you do see insults where none are meant (the first response to the OP, for example). You might just try asking, 'do you mean that as an insult?' and you'll probably get a lot more 'No's than you expected. Around here, people aren't likely to lie about whether or not they meant to insult you.
(for the record: this is not an insult; I thought you seemed to be looking for help, so I am trying to help).


Well when I get called stupid I feel that is a pretty straight forward insult.....I will admit I sometimes take things a bit too hard, but I don't think this is quite all in my head. A lot of times I do try to clear things up but I can't always just assume I'm in the wrong and apologetically ask anyone who says something mean if they were insulting me.


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JWC
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28 Nov 2011, 4:05 pm

measure is spelled with an 'a'



Sweetleaf
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28 Nov 2011, 4:19 pm

JWC wrote:
measure is spelled with an 'a'


Is it now, I suppose I'll have to fix that.


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LKL
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28 Nov 2011, 7:18 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
LKL wrote:
Sweetleaf, sometimes you do see insults where none are meant (the first response to the OP, for example). You might just try asking, 'do you mean that as an insult?' and you'll probably get a lot more 'No's than you expected. Around here, people aren't likely to lie about whether or not they meant to insult you.
(for the record: this is not an insult; I thought you seemed to be looking for help, so I am trying to help).


Well when I get called stupid I feel that is a pretty straight forward insult.....I will admit I sometimes take things a bit too hard, but I don't think this is quite all in my head. A lot of times I do try to clear things up but I can't always just assume I'm in the wrong and apologetically ask anyone who says something mean if they were insulting me.

It isn't 'all in your head,' given that you're interacting with real people. :) However, especially here on PPR, we feel quite free to tell people that their ideas are stupid without necessarily meaning to imply that the person is stupid. Very, very smart people - up to and including Nobel prize winners of various scientific fields - can have (can even cling to) very stupid ideas, but that doesn't make them stupid people. It's hard to accept the evidence for something that is personally repugnant,* and hard to give up ideas that are pleasant, so sometimes people have to beat us over our metaphorical heads with evidence to get us to accept the best theories.

*I once made a complete ass of myself in an evolution class by persistently refusing to accept the possibility that mitochondrial malfunctions which only affect male gamete function could exist and persist in a population, thereby weakening the entire population while remaining effectively immune to selection on the gene level. It's a horrible idea that makes perfect logical sense, but it took me about a week of (mild) derision from my professor and classmates to wrap my brain around it.



Sweetleaf
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28 Nov 2011, 7:21 pm

LKL wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
LKL wrote:
Sweetleaf, sometimes you do see insults where none are meant (the first response to the OP, for example). You might just try asking, 'do you mean that as an insult?' and you'll probably get a lot more 'No's than you expected. Around here, people aren't likely to lie about whether or not they meant to insult you.
(for the record: this is not an insult; I thought you seemed to be looking for help, so I am trying to help).


Well when I get called stupid I feel that is a pretty straight forward insult.....I will admit I sometimes take things a bit too hard, but I don't think this is quite all in my head. A lot of times I do try to clear things up but I can't always just assume I'm in the wrong and apologetically ask anyone who says something mean if they were insulting me.

It isn't 'all in your head,' given that you're interacting with real people. :) However, especially here on PPR, we feel quite free to tell people that their ideas are stupid without necessarily meaning to imply that the person is stupid. Very, very smart people - up to and including Nobel prize winners of various scientific fields - can have (can even cling to) very stupid ideas, but that doesn't make them stupid people. It's hard to accept the evidence for something that is personally repugnant,* and hard to give up ideas that are pleasant, so sometimes people have to beat us over our metaphorical heads with evidence to get us to accept the best theories.

*I once made a complete ass of myself in an evolution class by persistently refusing to accept the possibility that mitochondrial malfunctions which only affect male gamete function could exist and persist in a population, thereby weakening the entire population while remaining effectively immune to selection on the gene level. It's a horrible idea that makes perfect logical sense, but it took me about a week of (mild) derision from my professor and classmates to wrap my brain around it.


Ok...well someone actually did call me stupid, it was pretty direct so I am not going to apologize for getting offended about that....also I would argue that not all of my ideas are stupid and that its a matter of opinion.


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marshall
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28 Nov 2011, 8:33 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Ok...well someone actually did call me stupid, it was pretty direct so I am not going to apologize for getting offended about that....also I would argue that not all of my ideas are stupid and that its a matter of opinion.

There's no need to apologize for being offended.

It seems like most people who get "stupid" thrown at them are dogmatic ideologues who ignore or misrepresent evidence or otherwise conform to a highly biased and narrow way of thinking. You don't strike me as that at all. You just strike me as someone questioning things rather than claiming to have a definite answer. I suppose that bothers some argumentative types who think they already know "the answer" because they can't pin you down to take apart your argument. Also, the argument that society should primarily be set up to meet people's needs is more of a moral argument than a factual argument. It's my experience that when you run into clashes of moral values, rational arguments tend to break down because it's simply impossible to see eye-to-eye. So in that case "stupid" gets thrown out when someone knows they don't have any actual argument to make. So if you see it this way they are the stupid one.



factotum666
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28 Nov 2011, 11:04 pm

I'mmmmmmmmmmmm back. Like who cares right? Anyway.

You being stupid. As I said earlier name calling can be ignored, and that is easy to do once you realize that the person engaging in that is from the shallow end of the gene pool, and that follows by definition. The closest that I come to that is when I ask how someone can be so demonstrably ignorant on a subject, which I do only after demonstrating their ignorance. Ignorance is not to bad a thing, as it can be fixed.

If someone that you respect calls you stupid, you may wish to ask several whys. Is (s)he not feeling well? Should you respect them? I could probably ask more

One author who made the remark about smart people having stupid ideas or believing stupid things, well, I think that I covered that with this remark from Max Planck : A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it

I think that the stupid thing is sort of a diversion from a more important thing which is how you feel about yourself in general, and what if anything you can do to improve your life. Have you rejected my suggestions, if so why, and not, when do you think that you will pursue them? Or should we not make suggestions, and just be supportive while you complain about how miserable things are?

I may have missed it, but I did not see a response to what do you like to do.


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factotum666
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28 Nov 2011, 11:31 pm

From what I can tell, the complexity of your relationship makes it a tad bit above the pay grade of all of us on this forum. think of coaches and athletes. The best athletes have coaches. Having a coach is not some kind of stigma. I think that you and your BF need the equivalent of a coach. That would be a relationship therapist / counselor. Shop for some and interview several. If you think that you can not afford it, then you need to ask yourselves how important this is to you? We are, after all, talking several years, and possibly the rest of your lives.

Also, you may be able to get the appropriate counseling at discount rates from a unitarian or quaker minster. Both groups are very open. Also possible are liberal denominations of "mainstream" religions. The ministers are trained in couples and individual counseling.

If you are serious you will pursue something like this.


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androbot2084
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29 Nov 2011, 12:54 am

I get insulted because of my politics. I wanted to buy a revolutionary Red digital cinema camera so I suggested that the camera should be sold on a sliding scale basis based on ones ability to pay and I got flamed and banned for being a whiner.



Sweetleaf
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29 Nov 2011, 2:17 am

factotum666 wrote:
I'mmmmmmmmmmmm back. Like who cares right? Anyway.

You being stupid. As I said earlier name calling can be ignored, and that is easy to do once you realize that the person engaging in that is from the shallow end of the gene pool, and that follows by definition. The closest that I come to that is when I ask how someone can be so demonstrably ignorant on a subject, which I do only after demonstrating their ignorance. Ignorance is not to bad a thing, as it can be fixed.

If someone that you respect calls you stupid, you may wish to ask several whys. Is (s)he not feeling well? Should you respect them? I could probably ask more

One author who made the remark about smart people having stupid ideas or believing stupid things, well, I think that I covered that with this remark from Max Planck : A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it

I think that the stupid thing is sort of a diversion from a more important thing which is how you feel about yourself in general, and what if anything you can do to improve your life. Have you rejected my suggestions, if so why, and not, when do you think that you will pursue them? Or should we not make suggestions, and just be supportive while you complain about how miserable things are?

I may have missed it, but I did not see a response to what do you like to do.


I don't take kindly to being called stupid period.....I am not stupid so I refuse to accept that opinion....calling me stupid directly is not the same thing as calling my argument stupid. I got called stupid and got pissed off just like I should have. And to be totally honest there is not much I can do to improve my quality of life.......its not all rainbows and butterflies especially in the U.S.


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LKL
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29 Nov 2011, 4:56 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
LKL wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
LKL wrote:
Sweetleaf, sometimes you do see insults where none are meant (the first response to the OP, for example). You might just try asking, 'do you mean that as an insult?' and you'll probably get a lot more 'No's than you expected. Around here, people aren't likely to lie about whether or not they meant to insult you.
(for the record: this is not an insult; I thought you seemed to be looking for help, so I am trying to help).


Well when I get called stupid I feel that is a pretty straight forward insult.....I will admit I sometimes take things a bit too hard, but I don't think this is quite all in my head. A lot of times I do try to clear things up but I can't always just assume I'm in the wrong and apologetically ask anyone who says something mean if they were insulting me.

It isn't 'all in your head,' given that you're interacting with real people. :) However, especially here on PPR, we feel quite free to tell people that their ideas are stupid without necessarily meaning to imply that the person is stupid. Very, very smart people - up to and including Nobel prize winners of various scientific fields - can have (can even cling to) very stupid ideas, but that doesn't make them stupid people. It's hard to accept the evidence for something that is personally repugnant,* and hard to give up ideas that are pleasant, so sometimes people have to beat us over our metaphorical heads with evidence to get us to accept the best theories.

*I once made a complete ass of myself in an evolution class by persistently refusing to accept the possibility that mitochondrial malfunctions which only affect male gamete function could exist and persist in a population, thereby weakening the entire population while remaining effectively immune to selection on the gene level. It's a horrible idea that makes perfect logical sense, but it took me about a week of (mild) derision from my professor and classmates to wrap my brain around it.


Ok...well someone actually did call me stupid, it was pretty direct so I am not going to apologize for getting offended about that....also I would argue that not all of my ideas are stupid and that its a matter of opinion.

Of course not all of your ideas are stupid. Even many of the ones people say are stupid, are not stupid. But do remember that having someone tear one of your ideas to shreds is not necessarily a sign of disrespect. As for being directly called stupid, it's a violation of the ROC and should be avoided; you can report someone to the mods if they persist.



Sweetleaf
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29 Nov 2011, 8:10 am

marshall wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Ok...well someone actually did call me stupid, it was pretty direct so I am not going to apologize for getting offended about that....also I would argue that not all of my ideas are stupid and that its a matter of opinion.

There's no need to apologize for being offended.

It seems like most people who get "stupid" thrown at them are dogmatic ideologues who ignore or misrepresent evidence or otherwise conform to a highly biased and narrow way of thinking. You don't strike me as that at all. You just strike me as someone questioning things rather than claiming to have a definite answer. I suppose that bothers some argumentative types who think they already know "the answer" because they can't pin you down to take apart your argument. Also, the argument that society should primarily be set up to meet people's needs is more of a moral argument than a factual argument. It's my experience that when you run into clashes of moral values, rational arguments tend to break down because it's simply impossible to see eye-to-eye. So in that case "stupid" gets thrown out when someone knows they don't have any actual argument to make. So if you see it this way they are the stupid one.


Well yeah i certainly don't claim to have all the answers that would be impossible.....so it is a little bit frusterating to have people demanding all the answers from me which has occured......and well I don't know everything but I know there probably are other ways society could function better so I am trying to challenge the way its set up now but it's also the only society I've lived in so I know more about that then other possible ideas.

I don't see what is so bad about wanting a society that attempts to meet peoples needs and allow them to enjoy life. If someone could explain that to me maybe things would make more sense.


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Sweetleaf
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29 Nov 2011, 8:13 am

factotum666 wrote:
I'mmmmmmmmmmmm back. Like who cares right? Anyway.

You being stupid. As I said earlier name calling can be ignored, and that is easy to do once you realize that the person engaging in that is from the shallow end of the gene pool, and that follows by definition. The closest that I come to that is when I ask how someone can be so demonstrably ignorant on a subject, which I do only after demonstrating their ignorance. Ignorance is not to bad a thing, as it can be fixed.

If someone that you respect calls you stupid, you may wish to ask several whys. Is (s)he not feeling well? Should you respect them? I could probably ask more

One author who made the remark about smart people having stupid ideas or believing stupid things, well, I think that I covered that with this remark from Max Planck : A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it

I think that the stupid thing is sort of a diversion from a more important thing which is how you feel about yourself in general, and what if anything you can do to improve your life. Have you rejected my suggestions, if so why, and not, when do you think that you will pursue them? Or should we not make suggestions, and just be supportive while you complain about how miserable things are?

I may have missed it, but I did not see a response to what do you like to do.


Well I kind of suck at ignoring things that bother me......in case anyone could not tell. lol

And I tend not to feel good about myself and don't know that there is really anything I can do to improve my life or anyone elses for that matter and I think its rather hard not to complain a bit when things are rather miserable.


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