Opinion on chivalry?

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I think the man was very much a gentleman and he did the polite thing to offer his seat to her. I think that if she took his seat, she was in the wrong because even though etiquitte states that he should have offered it to her, (pearls before swine) it also dictates that she should have declined it (age before beauty).

I happen to enjoy men acting like gentlemen. I think that men should be taught to be polite like that. Opening doors for a lady, holding her chair, taking her coat, lighting her cigarette, etc have nothing to do with being condescending nor is it demeaning to allow someone to use manners. What is condescending is to think that your opinion is so far above other's that you are somehow so morally superior to them that you are sitting in a place where you are the sole arbitor of judgement of correctness and also are able to state without a shadow of a doubt, what their motive for doing so is, and their consideration of the person to whom they display manners.

In other words, she was wrong to accept it because of his age, but for someone else to get so upset over simple manners just makes them come across like a jerk.

A man holding a door open for me does not in any way influence nor state his opinion of what I am or am not capable of doing, whether in my personal or professional life. My getting worked up into a tizzy because of a show of simple courtesy (or lack of if he didn't do it) would most definately show my inability to reason like a rational human being.

Gender equality has absolutely nothing to do with manners.

Then again, some are never taught manners.

Sure, some people can take any nice thing and use it differently than it's meant and turn it into something entirely different. That doesn't change the meaning of the original thing, nor it's intent, nor does it turn those who use it as it was intended into chauvanistic pigs who deserve to be shot for daring to pull out someones chair.

Where I'm from, it's just what you were taught to do. There are manners for men to use with ladies, lady's to use with men, children to use with adults, adults to use with the elderly, etc. That doesn't mean that when someone uses those manners that they are trying to prove a point. It's just simply good manners.

If a 20 year old woman offers her seat on the bus to a 70 year old woman do you think that the 20 year old is implying that the 70 year old is so decrepit that she must have immediate need to sit? Or are certain manners that are taught to be used with a specific group of people so discriminatory and bigoted that they should be immediately outlawed?

ETA; I knew a guy that was a fireman from the Deep South who went to some large convention somewhere up North. He was a nice guy and not a chauvanist in any way. At lunchtime, a group of the people who were at the conference went to eat and were standing outside to smoke before going back in. A lady fireman was in their group and she put her cigarette in her mouth to light it, and because the guy had his lighter still out and in his hand, he lit it and held it up for her to light her cigarette. Well, she about had a stroke right there. He was being "chauvanistic" and "sexist" and he was "harrassing" her and she marched her little butt back in there to tell on him.

For attempting to light her cigarette.

It's not like he started frantically digging in his pockets. That would be overkill and would only be expected at the most formal of occasions.

Usually most girls don't expect guys to do those certain things, they are simply done. When they are offered, then you graciously accept them. They are not our "due" just for having a vagina. However, depending on where you are and what situation you are in, they most certainly shed some light on your upbringing and who you are as a person.

I agree. This probably seems like a natural thing to do for this man, and by no means would I be angry towards him.
But I disagree about your view that the woman should just accept this. No, if she knew she was only being offered this seat based on her gender she should pleasantly reject it. This special treatment towards women should not be tolerated or accepted.

I find your post very condescending

Of course you do sweetie. I wouldn't expect any different from you.

- Being a gentleman is fine, giving women special treatment because of their gender is not right whether you like it or not.

It's actually based on much more than just our gender, but I don't expect you to understand that.

I never claimed to be "morally superior and I never claimed to know his motives" - The question I am raising is do women deserve special treatment because of their gender? The only reasonable response to that question is "no"

It's not exactly special treatment. It's manners. Again, that's not something I would expect you to understand. You obviously were not taught this particular set of manners or the reason behind it. Hint - Google is not going to explain it to you.

By all means; open doors for people, offer them your seat, be kind to them but do not to these acts based on their gender, do it because they're people.

No one is implying this man is a pig, his intentions were good. I don't care if people were taught to do this. This isn't a reasonable justification for it. Women are not entitled to special treatment just because they're a woman!
A lot of women want equality and rightly so too but they also want to keep their traditional privileges.
You can't have both. Sorry.
.

Do you think this elderly man was wrong in offering this woman his seat?

And do you also think the woman was wrong for accepting it?

A lot of women want equality and rightly so too but they also want to keep their traditional privileges.

Funny, but the people I hear pushing chivalry are usually partriarchal men or women who ascribe to traditional gender roles, not feminists pushing to get out of those roles.

That is true, to be fair most feminists I've come across loathe chivalry too.

I'm a feminist, and I am for human kindness, regardless of gender. I think if one begins from a point of kindness rather than taking offense at every minor blip in equality that one encounters, especially those that are meant kindly, we're all a bit better off.

It's not my place (this was my point in my earlier post) - it's not my place to reeducate a 70 year old man. I did lots of reeducating as a younger woman, one of the first in my field, and I did it by showing I could do the same job and excel at it. There was no need for petty upsets over who opened the door or gave up their seat. I find it's best to be an example rather than be offensive.

We are getting into the realm of the thought police now, aren't we? If a man opens the door for me how in the world can we find out if he did it because I'm a lady or because he's simply polite? Oh dear! A connundrum of the gravest sort!!

Bless your heart.