Adoption?

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neilson_wheels
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08 Aug 2013, 7:55 am

Hold on to your horses fella. What about your anger issues, are you doing anything about that?

Giftorcurse
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08 Aug 2013, 8:00 am

Unfortunately no. I repress a lot of it, and when I reach critical mass, excessive amounts pop up from the stack and flow down the side, like a volcano.

Since I am into fiction writing, I've considered working on something adoption related to get it out of my system.

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hanyo
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08 Aug 2013, 8:00 am

Giftorcurse wrote:

The reason I hate adoption so much is because I'm afraid that my masturbation habit is making my chances at future fatherhood slim.

There, I said it.

I don't see how that would affect your chances at fatherhood unless you think no woman would want you because of that. It won't make you go sterile.

I remember you posting before that you would want your own kid and not someone elses. That's ok. Not everyone feels that way and some want to have a family and raise a child even if it's not biologically theirs.

I personally don't want kids ever whether they are related to me or not.

Giftorcurse
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08 Aug 2013, 8:06 am

I'm just afraid that if I adopt due to sterility or low sperm quality, I wouldn't be accepted by other guys who have children of their own. It wouldn't make me a real father.

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hanyo
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08 Aug 2013, 8:10 am

Giftorcurse wrote:

I'm just afraid that if I adopt due to sterility or low sperm quality, I wouldn't be accepted by other guys who have children of their own. It wouldn't make me a real father.

Well to me and many others what makes a real father is actually sticking around and raising the child, not knocking women up and taking off like some guys do.

No matter how much you w*k your sperm count should be fine.

neilson_wheels
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08 Aug 2013, 8:13 am

Giftorcurse wrote:

Unfortunately no. I repress a lot of it, and when I reach critical mass, excessive amounts pop up from the stack and flow down the side, like a volcano.

I know exactly those feelings and they caused a lot of trouble for me for many years. It was only after I had totally pissed off and driven away everyone I knew, dropped out of university and found myself homeless that I finally asked for some help, something I was not very good at, and I'm still not.

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Since I am into fiction writing, I've considered working on something adoption related to get it out of my system.

If this works for you then crack on. I'm sure presenting this in your own words could help you get a better handle on it, but it may be that the adaptation to fiction will lose some of the potential benefits. Talking to a counselor about your own experiences and feelings may help you more to see things in a different light and accept yourself. It also might improve the quality of your writing too. Just an opinion from someone who's been in a similar position, your choice.

As Hanyo said the best father figure is one who can stick around and do the job properly, kids don't like angry dads.

EmberEyes
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08 Aug 2013, 10:23 am

Giftorcurse wrote:

I'm just afraid that if I adopt due to sterility or low sperm quality, I wouldn't be accepted by other guys who have children of their own. It wouldn't make me a real father.

You know what makes a person a mom or a dad? It's not about genetics, just about anyone within fertile age can make a fetus. To be a parent, to really earn the title of being mommy or daddy, you have to be there. Always.
It's the person who changes the diapers, feeds the child, reads bedtime stories, kisses the scraped knee, comforts when the child is scared, rejoices over the first step and the first word and the first tooth. The person who diciplins the child and encourages the child, the person who worries and laughs and cries, that helps with the homework and sits through endless boring school plays and recitals, goes to utterly pointless sports events and puts up with the child loudly practicing musical instruments. The person who will always put their childs well bein before anything else. But most of all, the person who loves their child, unconditionally, irrevocably.
Anyone who can do that, concistantly, for the first 18-25 years of the childs life, has earned the right to call themselves a parent.
Like I said, it has nothing to do with genetics, a bio-kid and an adoptive kid both need these things.

EmberEyes
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08 Aug 2013, 10:30 am

neilson_wheels wrote:

EmberEyes wrote:

While all bio-parents are guarenteed free of mental illness, abuse, addiction, poverty..? The state or government have never had to step in and remove bio-kids from unsafe family situations. This only happens to adoptive families. I beg you, look at the statistics, and tell me bio-kids in general are not getting the shorter straw than adoptive kids in general...

If ^ this ^ was sarcasm then I think it was missed, it's a bit hard to get the way you have written this.

That was taken out of context.

EmberEyes wrote:

Giftorcurse wrote:

You're forgetting that it could sometimes cost up to hundreds of thousands of dollars to adopt a child, and on top of that, you have to go through a smorgasbord of legal and psychological screenings as part of the home study. It doesn't stop some adoptive parents from going over the edge.

While all bio-parents are guarenteed free of mental illness, abuse, addiction, poverty..? The state or government have never had to step in and remove bio-kids from unsafe family situations. This only happens to adoptive families. I beg you, look at the statistics, and tell me bio-kids in general are not getting the shorter straw than adoptive kids in general...

This was the context, Giftorcurse says that some adoptive parents go over the edge, and my (perhaps inappropriatly snide) respons was to ask/claim bio-parents do that too.

neilson_wheels
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08 Aug 2013, 10:37 am

EmberEyes wrote:

That was taken out of context.

No criticism intended on my part. I found it hard to understand what you meant but that's probably down to my perception.

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08 Aug 2013, 12:48 pm

Giftorcurse wrote:

The reason I hate adoption so much is because I'm afraid that my masturbation habit is making my chances at future fatherhood slim.

There, I said it.

You'll go blind, too.

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Giftorcurse
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08 Aug 2013, 1:49 pm

I'm pretty sure Robot Chicken debunked that.

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BenderRodriguez
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08 Aug 2013, 2:01 pm

The reason you are giving doesn't make any sense

Even so, what does your fear of not having biological children have to do with your hatred for adoptive parents? It would make more sense to hate people who are actually able to have children...

And you're missing the point: the purpose of adoption is not giving people something they want to have, is giving children something they should have.

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babybird
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08 Aug 2013, 2:18 pm

I don't agree with adoption. However, I think fostering children is a wonderful thing to do.

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BenderRodriguez
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08 Aug 2013, 2:20 pm

babybird wrote:

I don't agree with adoption. However, I think fostering children is a wonderful thing to do.

You don't agree with adoption in itself or with the way the system works now?

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babybird
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09 Aug 2013, 4:45 pm

I don't agree with adoption in itself. I don't know how the system works now but I have heard of a lot of horror stories about adoption.

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Giftorcurse
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21 Oct 2013, 12:03 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:

babybird wrote:

I don't agree with adoption. However, I think fostering children is a wonderful thing to do.

You don't agree with adoption in itself or with the way the system works now?

Both.

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