Rewriting The Bible.

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Actually, I think he''s atheist, though he seems to have better understanding and respect for theology than most atheists.

Anybody who ever loved the dinosaur section of the American Museum of Natural History would immediately see that's no velociraptor.

"In The Beginning, it was a Dark and Stormy Night..."

Catchy, but the wrong genre...

"In The Beginning, it was a the best of times, and it was the worst of times..."

Naa ... it's been done...

"In The Beginning, there was a Being being a Being like no other Being could be..."

PFFT! Too existential ... Hey Murray! We need an opening line for a rewrite! Whaddaya got?

"In The Beginning, there was a Being being a Being like no other Being could be..."

PFFT! Too existential ... Hey Murray! We need an opening line for a rewrite! Whaddaya got?

Genesis 1

[1] In the beginning, the big bang created everything including God.
[2] Scratching his head, God wondered why he was randomly popped out of nothing with all of this material to build things with.
[3] God then said, "Let there be entertainment." and taking some of dust that black holes were sucking in he made a place he called Heaven, which came with people too.
[4] God then discovered the joys of torturing and fooling around with his creations but he soon noticed it got boring due to the fact the people were far too aware he was torturing them and they didn't even seem upset by it as they loved God too much and didn't mind being used for his entertainment.
[5] God then decided to put some water, food and other things humans needed to survive on a rock and call it Earth, he could now torture his creations with more pleasure since they were on the Earth and weren't aware of his existence.
[6] God then started to get bored once again, so he decided to make something to make funny torturing decisions for him, he named this creation Satan.
[7] Satan and God soon became friends and later lovers, one night however God was very dissatisfied with Satan.
[8] He found Satan giving a homosexual human a handjob.
[9] God never felt so angered or betrayed before in his history, so he attempted to rape then kill Satan.
[10] Satan however, having lived together with God in his apartment for quite some time gained many of God's powers, and when God originally created Satan he was immortal to begin with, so God found himself unable to destroy Satan.
[11] God then attempted to lock Satan in a pit of horror and pain forever, this too however was unsuccessful.
[12] Satan and God then finally came to an agreement when Satan suggested his own personal dimension with the ability to create whatever he wanted.
[13] Later though, Satan got bored and realized why God created people.
[14] Satan then created his own people, but God would convert these people into demons so Satan would no longer be sexually attracted to his rape victims.
[15] Satan then decided to just steal God's people, which were unable to be converted into demons.
[16] God then in panic started putting in limitations to the type of people Satan could steal.
[17] If male the person's penis size was under 5 and half inches, Satan could have him, because that turned God off anyway.
[18] Other limitations followed, mostly random things God didn't like in a person.
[19]

My guess? AG and zorp.

Frankly, it doesn't have the pizzazz of the King James version. Too much sex and not enough open brutality. Hollywood blows up cars and aircraft to keep up interest while the Bible murders people with floods and plagues. Violence is always catchy.

Nope, not me. I've been here for the longest anyway, I have better things to do.

I find it odd we were accused first, I've never made multiple accounts before, I'm not sure about you though.