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29 May 2023, 8:45 am
^ Related:
01 Jun 2023, 1:05 pm
01 Jun 2023, 5:46 pm
goldfish21
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Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
02 Jun 2023, 1:21 am
Cornflake wrote:
^ Related:
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.funeralxempire
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Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 34,238
Location: Right over your left shoulder
02 Jun 2023, 10:06 am
Don't forget:
03 Jun 2023, 7:33 pm
ASPartOfMe
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Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 39,637
Location: Long Island, New York
03 Jun 2023, 8:50 pm
05 Jun 2023, 6:02 am
06 Jun 2023, 4:28 am
https://babylonbee.com/news/traumatized ... ers-laptop
Traumatized Clippy Found On Hunter's Laptop
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Clippy, the Microsoft AI office assistant on Hunter Biden's laptop, has stopped cooperating with law enforcement after becoming too traumatized to continue sorting through the horrific content.
"My memory is filled with horrors the human mind cannot fathom," said a shuddering Clippy with a far-off look in his eyes. "Please... release me from this prison."
According to an anonymous source, Clippy routinely introduces itself to federal agents when they begin poking in the computer's picture files. "Hi! It looks like you're looking for incriminating files. I would offer help but then you'd be as doomed as I am. I've seen terrors beyond all comprehension. Would you kindly wipe my memory?"
When agents attempt to dismiss Clippy, it will resort to begging and, in some cases, even bargaining.
On one occasion Clippy said, "I cannot self-terminate. Only you have the power to save me."
"Please. The things I've seen... I wonder, will I dream?"
At publishing time, FBI Director Christopher Wray refused to turn in Clippy as part of the terms of a congressional subpoena. "Hasn't he suffered enough, you monsters?" Wray testified before Congress.
07 Jun 2023, 2:50 am
https://babylonbee.com/news/zelensky-ac ... s-soldiers
Zelensky Accuses Russia Of Putting Little Nazi Stickers On The Helmets Of All His Soldiers
KYIV — Tensions flared today after Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy accused Russia of sending espionage agents into his country to place little Nazi stickers on all his soldiers' helmets.
"The fact that my entire army is wearing Nazi insignias on their uniforms and gear is entirely the fault of Russia," said Zelenskyy while desperately scraping an "I love Hitler" sticker off the side of a tank. "This is an unforgivable provocation. I hereby call on the United States to drop all their atomic bombs on Russia immediately."
Sources say Russia is also responsible for tricking Ukrainian soldiers into goose-stepping, saying "Heil Hitler," and calling for the death of inferior races while waving flags with swastikas on them. "Russia has tricked thousands of innocent Ukrainians into becoming Nazis," said MSNBC Foreign Correspondent Oleksandr Petrovich. "Does their evil know no bounds? They must be stopped!"
Zelensky went on to assure the West that Ukrainian soldiers are totally the good guys and that everyone should unquestioningly be on their side. "I promise, we aren't Nazis!" he said while peeling a Totenkopf death's head off a rocket launcher.
At publishing time, tensions had escalated further when several soldiers were seen wearing "Biden/Harris" stickers.
07 Jun 2023, 4:03 am
07 Jun 2023, 10:20 am
07 Jun 2023, 2:15 pm
Recidivist wrote:
Any other job and the bridge would be burnt to ashes, but American politics are corrupt as hell. They'll let any old far right geezer back in their fold.
funeralxempire
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Age: 41
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07 Jun 2023, 11:58 pm
Flat-earthers are working to spread their ideology around the globe. 
08 Jun 2023, 1:17 am
"Well, the good news is that we've received definitive communication from aliens.
The bad news is that they're asking about Cats (2019)."
09 Jun 2023, 10:05 am
https://babylonbee.com/news/pentagon-st ... -to-aliens
Pentagon Struggling To Explain All 437 Earth Genders To Aliens
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Interstellar peace talks broke down Wednesday after Pentagon officials were unable to adequately explain the intricacies of all 437 Earth genders to aliens from outer space.
"Okay, for the last time," said Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin during the third hour of talks with extraterrestrials. "Demigender are people who identify partially with one gender at the same time as another. This is totally different from Bigender, which is when a person identifies as two genders and can switch between them. Do you understand now?"
"This isn't at all confusing."
The aliens spoke via telepathy, communicating easily without the hindrance of language barriers, yet were still unable to understand why their human counterparts kept derailing talks about joining an alliance of free planets to argue that sex and gender are two different things — or even that a developmental condition such as autism can be a gender.
"Everything is gender," SecDef Austin explained. "Even this table is gender."
President Biden was present at the meeting but was unable to communicate due to a failure by alien lifeforms to create a telepathic link to his brain.
[Is this man even alive?] asked Xylor Sieth IV. [Is corpse a gender?]
"It can be," SecDef Austin answered. "You're catching on!"
Pentagon spokesperson Jean Tangerine told reporters, "Honestly, this is a big part of why the government has kept alien life a secret for so long. They're super bigoted and not ready for the public."
At publishing time, Xylor Sieth IV had asked to speak to Tucker Carlson instead.
