Spanking - abuse or effective

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So "spankings" and "whuppings" are just little love pats that don't hurt, then?

Just some gentle tactile-kinisthetic stimulation, applied to the buttocks? Sometimes with a paddle or razor strap?

People here answered with things like "Only (!) with the hand and not with the belt." or "Only with the bare hand, because you need to feel the pain on your own skin too, so you know when you spank to hard and risc to hurt the child."

Do you think those people talk about a soft clap on the pamper for "He. Never, never with the electricity sockets... Nonono..." So I wouldnt need to feel my bare hand for a soft reminding pampersclap, to make srue I dont hurt myself physically.

I definitly know the conecpt of spanking, and leaving marks and bruises is exactly what is does, if you have enough energy behind it. If there somewhere has been an official discussion about how much kN a clap shall have to call himself spanking, I havent heard of it. And because of thats missing, I fully accept, that you think of spanking of a typical "Dont touch that. Hurts!" clap. But for others it is a clap, that is still done with the flat hand and leaves you as a child flying in a spin or against a door, to get the next insults bcause of "forcing the poor parents to spank, that leads now to the injury because of the door, and now to that troubles because nobody needs to know that you are so a dumb child that you needed to be spanked that hard." As you have the definition spanking = soft clap hurting some seconds on the skin, for others its spanking = everything you do as long as you do it with the bare hand and not with a fist. Because you normally dont get lacerations from that, so its only about huritng the skin a bit as long as the kid isnt that dumb to hurt "himself" when he looses ground, so its no serious injury, so its only a bit of spanking for disciplin.

Thats whats shocking me that much, that your kids dont have a chance to defend themself as long as they are only treated as s**t and dont have serious injuries. Makes me whonder a bit less, why some kids have the feeling that there is no way out for them, then armed violence.

Perhaps some parents regard spanking and whupping as more fun than inserting some of these into the electricity sockets

Some moms like to visit friends and family, even when they have a child. So sure you normally look that your house is safe, but if a mom completely stays 18 months at home, so she doesnt risk her child meeting a electricity socket, I would understand if she is getting mad after some time. ^^

None of this is necessarily true, though. I mean, suppose you did try to standardize how much force would leave a bruise--then the problem is that not every skin is going to respond the same way. Some people bruise more easily than others. Also, the way you characterize spanking is grossly exaggerated from how many parents carry it out. Exactly what is someone doing spanking a child that sends them "flying in a spin or against the door"? As with anything you do as a parent, you maintain a safe environment for whatever it is you're doing, including discipline.

As an example, if you decide to put a kid in time-out and the kid is already pretty wound up and upset, locking the kid alone in the garage for hours at a time with hammers and jig saws I would think is generally a bad idea. You might very well make your point, but don't be surprised if the child comes back with a few fingers missing. No, you'd sequester the child in a designated area in such a way that the child cannot amuse himself with any other activity or continue the undesired behavior. It would be a set length of time (my rule is 1 minute/age of child in years, but no less than 5 minutes), and if you get out of the "naughty chair" we start the time over. If a child is "grounded," you don't "send them to their rooms." That's what they want because that's where all there stuff is--and if you don't make it stick they'll just sneak out anyway. If I were to ground a pre-teen or teen, I'd make him or her spend "quality time" with me watching 80's sitcoms all weekend long. OK, that may be borderline abusive... But the point is that alternatives to spanking can as easily endanger the health or life of the child if carried out improperly. If I feel I have to spank a child, I'm going to make sure the child isn't going to fall down or otherwise get injured. Slapping around a kid and slamming them into doors is not what we mean by spanking. That sounds like a parent predisposed to anger. I don't think anyone here is suggesting that a parent regularly given to excessively violent behavior is the best candidate for physically punishing a child!

...

On another note, I don't get the whole electricity socket thing... In our house, we only have two floor-level cabinets that we baby-proofed. One contains heavy ceramic and glass baking dishes and the other has the usual household chemicals. Over time, the plastic locks wore out and broke. By this point, our now 1-year-old has heard a firm "no" every time he so much as touched either one of those doors he doesn't give them so much as a passing glance anymore. Our oldest developed an affinity for the stairs in our old place. We responded by teaching him how to hold on to the side while coming down the stairs. He never fell. I understand WHY people baby-proof. But the principles of safety apply everywhere you go, not just your own house. So I think that teaching kids, even if they're barely toddlers, how to safely navigate their world and apply concepts everywhere they go, you don't have to stress out over baby-proofing or the kid running into danger elsewhere. Parents are WAY oversensitive when it comes to kids, and I personally think that this can have negative impact on them developmentally. Parents will tend to hover, which diminishes the child's freedom to explore and learn independently. And/or the parents will take the lazy route and baby proof everything instead of teaching the child how to handle certain situations. Toddlers know a lot more than we give them credit for, I think.

Besides, electrical sockets are only going to be a problem if the child somehow completes the circuit. Exactly what's going on here? A toddler decides to lick the fingers of both hands, straighten out two paperclips, and play with the socket? I think there might be more danger if you have a teether decide to work out some sore gums on an electrical wire than getting fingers far enough into a socket to reach the contacts.

Take something that weights about 50-60 pound, put it on a desk so it is in a height of about 1 meter (3or 3-4 inces i think), search for a physical strong person, and tell her to hit the item with the bare hand with as much power as he has in full rage and anger and see the item flying. Pretty easy.

As I already said, I accept that you dont mean it that way. Do you think the person that posted here in this thread and told about her experiences, that only the bare hand is propper, so you can avoid to hurt the child by accident, means it this way you mean it? Or the one that talked about that you should not do it with a belt? (!) Thats what I am talking about. If there is no accurate description by law what spanking is, and when you are allowed to do it, then every parents does this on its own. And then you have the ones, that think of it in a way you do it, and then you have some that do it in a way I talk about. And the real problem is, that the last ones feels themselves as right to do so as you do, because by their own criteria of the difference of spanking and beating, they are only spanking, so why should they think about if they are doing something wrong, when they dont even get the idea that they could do something wrong, because its only about spanking and discipline every kid needs. Thats the problem I am talking about. Not the soft pampers clap to get your babies attention to show him that he "really, really" must not play with these or that, that is dangerous. But that there is no definition, so children that are not able to defense themself have no other oppinion then hoping that their parents have a "normal" definition of spanking. And if not they are f****d up. This idiot parents think themself as well that they are right to do so because the childs are so naughty and need to be disciplined as you do. Do you think that they think themselfs "Oh...I am a crazy parent and because of this I want to beat my kid now out of fun?" In their damn fairytale world they create everything the way that they look like the poor parents, cursed with a damned naughty child, that simply need more and more beating, because there are still problems. How many parents do you know that have the self reflection to think about if maybe they are the cause of the problems themselfs? Most criminals if you ask them, have some excuses why everyone else is to blame for their doing, and they themselfs are victims. The parents that are not doing right, do exactly the same. As long as noone from outside can judge if the dreamworld they create inside them, is fitting to reality or not, they simply can live on in their dreamworld as long as the child finally gets old enough to flee. Its not about a bad purpose, but you simply comapre things by your own experiences. If you yourself have been beaten with a belt until you bled, then smashing your child with the open hand is for you a soft punishment, and so you dont think about it further, because you are punishing your child anyway only in a soft way.

Beside that I simply dont believe in discipline through spanking, even if its done in the way you talk about it. I mean if I got smashed some days before so hard that my feet even left the ground, do you really think I mind my english teacher telling me with the "I am very, very angry on you."-face that I will be punished for not bringing my homework ... by being forced to copy some pages of a book or whatever? OMG, the pages of horror, they will come for me! XD Hopefully I wont get nightmares from copying this terrible pages. ^^ You simply laugh about that idiot that is living in his pink pony fantasyworld, where copying some dumb pages is seen as a punishment for the poor, poor little magic ponies. So it doesnt teach you respect, it makes you loose every respect for authorities, which is a misadvantage for the kid as well. Thats what I mean that there must be something, so really spanked kids can try to get help or aid. I mean even if you mean your normal disciplined spanking. The teachers of your child, who cant do that, looses authority, because he cant do the same to your children, so he cant do anything that seems to them as a punishment as soon as they are used to "normal spanking" ans punishment.

Ass whuppins are supposed to hurt.
Razor straps for ass whuppins are a thing of the past, though.

You seem to be excessively fascinated with corporal punishment.

I have never gotten bruised from a spanking EVER. I have never had marks left on my skin afterwards ever. My skin has been red only once and that was when my mom lost her temper with me and hit me hard and she apologized but the marks were not there later.


From my experience I was never beaten or bruised from being hit ever. I have been hit with a wooden spoon and it's not something I would do with my child because I don't see the need why parents need to use objects to hit their kids with.

I was never afraid of my parents, I never felt in danger. I never felt unsafe. To me a spanking was just a form of discipline and if I was going to be afraid of a spanking, I would mind as well fear having my things be taken or being stuck in my room or not being allowed to leave the yard or fear being sent to the stairs or fear being told to do my homework or fear being made to leave places. actually that is a lie, I feared getting into trouble so I listened and it was with all discipline, not with a spanking. I wasn't starved or beaten or belittled or locked in a closet, nothing. I was still a happy child. I feared being yelled at or having the computer get taken or dessert get taken away or my barbies or not being allowed to leave the yard, being sent to my room or to the stairs, being made to leave places, etc. Should all those methods be wrong too for parents to use? That is why I followed the rules because I was taught there are consequences if you don't follow them. If you don't want to get into trouble, don't break the rules so I had no reason to fear a spanking only. I feared all discipline. The least that could happen was being talked to or scolded and to me that was nothing. Let's see I fear getting a ticket, I fear getting in a car accident so I drive safety and follow the traffic laws. Should handing out tickets be wrong too because then it makes drivers be afraid of having to pay a fine? That is how I view spankings. You are supposed to fear things because that is what gets you to follow laws and rules. You are supposed to fear getting fired so you follow work rules and treat your boss with respect and treat other coworkers with respect and customers too and be professional so there is no fear. So for people to use the argument about kids living in fear of begin hit, I apply that logic to everything else about discipline and punishments. But does that mean I live in fear? No. I just follow the rules and the law and there won't be fear. Hey even kids can't defend themselves in these things either.


Funny how people keep assuming I was abused or beaten and making out to be my childhood was bad than it really is. I assume it's called projection they are doing because they were truly abused or had parents with real anger issues who always hit them just for the heck of it and always slapping them, so they think that is what I went through too. But I DIDN'T. It's one thing for a parent to slip and lose it every now and then than a parent that does it all the time. Mom often sent me to my room or make me leave the room when I make her mad so she wouldn't hit me and that is the way it should be. Then she would tell me I can come back down and she isn't mad anymore. I used to think it was a punishment but it wasn't. It was just for my own safety and my mom needed a time out until she was cooled off.

Now I am thinking when people talk about spankings, they all mean different things and to me it always means what I went through as a child and it's nothing like you hear in the media when parents are charged with abuse or like you have seen on those youtube videos about parents beating their kids like that one dad did with his 16 year old daughter using a belt or that one mother who hit her son in the butt with glass in a chips bag and he had to go to the hospital and the mother was charged and her BS story was she didn't know it had glass in it. How did the glass end up in the bag and how could she not know? Also why would a parent want to hit their child with a piece of garbage that is nothing and doesn't weigh even an ounce? I can see how it be used for playing but for discipline? It's very strange to use such item so that is why I don't buy the mother's story. I would imagine spanking any kid with a empty chip bag would be ineffective.


There are parents that are very controlling and dictators and make rules for the heck of it and are very unreasonable so of course those kids would grow up and think parents make rules and make their kids follow them to control them an that it's not giving them respect. While kids grow up to hate spankings because of their bad experiences with it so it clouds their views about it, same thing happens with other discipline, there are people out there that are against parents making rules and making their kids do things like chores or taking away privileges only because they had parents that were narcissists and emotionally abusive so of course it would cloud their views about discipline. Either way is "wrong." They will ASSume that is what people are talking about when they mention spankings or making rules and making their kids follow them or taking away privileges or giving out punishments like with time outs or grounding them. Think of it like Butters in South Park who is always being grounded, parents like that will cloud their kid's views on grounding children and think that is what parents do when they ground their kids. But either discipline is "wrong" as I say because some kids have had horrible childhoods. But they can judge away since they don't know me or anyone else and our situation. Someone mentioned in this thread he didn't catch the joke because the same thing happened to him so he thought it was normal. I didn't know it was a joke either, I just knew they were abusive parents who were always grounding for no reason. That is not the way it is when parents ground their kids.

Last edited by League_Girl on 19 Apr 2013, 12:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I never use those on my kid. I use nothing on him, hand only.

I have used those things. I started putting them in when he started to crawl and explore.

Nobody is treating them like s**t. And there is nothing to defend yourself from. I don't know where you get your ideas about what spanking is like, but wherever you got it is completely wrong. You sound like you got your information from AP up there. He doesn't know either.

Most people I know who have little kids do use those. Most people babyproof their houses and do everything they can to prevent their kid from getting into something that can hurt him but you do know that there are other things that parents spank for and other ages that kids are when spanked? You are getting entirely too ridiculous to even answer with the remark about regarding spanking a child as fun.

Unless of course you are just letting your own feelings slip out there.

Either way, I'm not wasting my time arguing with you anymore. You do not win, I do not concede anything, but you may post your little snide remarks about all you want. It really makes no difference to me. Go ahead and have the last word, because it seems that's really all you have, isn't it?

What a shame.

I honestly don't have a whole lot of patience for this kind of insistence that whatever is told to you must be a lie or somehow or other stretching of truth or something. What I responded to above is honestly enough to make me say to you "think what you want, it makes no nevermind to me" because you obviously refuse to understand what people are saying to you because it doesn't fit your preconceived notion of what it's like.

I did get swatted with one of those old fashioned screen wire fly swatter.Not with the handle,the swatter part.It was probably unsanitary.But only when I was really naughty and never very hard,she was in her seventies and most likely lacked sufficient strength

Spanking is the norm in most world cultures, and from what I've noticed among kids growing up around me who were spanked (majority) and kids who weren't (small minority) - you can see a difference in discipline and it's not an 'abuse' issue. There is a massive difference between spanking and abuse, and I don't see how they can be conflated at all. The parent who spanked kids for 'twerking' online was doing something very normal. Abuse is when there is serious harm done.

Physical reinforcement is often times necessary for folks who don't comprehend rules in any other way, but it should be done in a rational manner, reinforcing logical rules, and not with the child stripped nude. Objects should be of a reasonable size (limited to stuff like electric cords, small branches and regular belts rather than large buckles).

It can also be a class thing - working class parents spank more because let's face it - working class kids are treated differently by the world when they leave school or university.

There is also a link between the mental health of the parent and the use of spanking. Depressed fathers are much more likely to spank that non-depressed fathers.

http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2011/03/ ... 1281421948

Spanking a child may be a form a therapy for depressed parents. And, of course, poorer parents can't afford other forms of therapy for themselves.