bunnyowen, it seems that the only relevant question about what you believe is...what you believe.
I don't think anybody else knows more than you about the unknowable.
Each of us has a lifetime of experiences, influences, and inclinations that shape our beliefs, and nobody else's is going to have much in common with your own.
Maybe you could do something along the line of non-physical hypothesis testing.
Select a belief, assume you believe it, and build your life around it for a while. If you don't feel comfortable with it, if it doesn't fit you, modify it according to what would make you feel more comfortable, or reject it totally and start over with a different belief.
If it works for you, it's yours.
_________________
They murdered boys in Mississippi. They shot Medgar in the back.
Did you say that wasn't proper? Did you march out on the track?
You were quiet, just like mice. And now you say that we're not nice.
Well thank you buddy for your advice...
-Malvina