Creep Shaming?

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She also might have been worried that you and your girlfriend were thinking that she personally likes Hustler Magazine just because she was acting like it was normal while selling it. So she called the guy "creepy" to deflect suspicion that she might look at the magazine herself.

she didn't put the responsibility on him, because she didn't ask him to change anything. "responsibility" would mean that she expected him to do something about it, and she did not. she wasn't rude to him, she didn't refuse to sell the magazine, she didn't glare at him or put any responsibility on him personally at all. all she did was tell a mutual stranger her feelings about him after-the-fact - and he was not harmed by those feelings.

This x100

That, and you don't know, maybe he was a frequent customer, unless you sat there and interrogated her, I doubt she announced this was the first time he'd been in the store, and explicitly stated the only reason she felt creeped out by him was the magazine he was purchasing. There could've been several factors which you could not possibly take into account. You could've been two feet from him and since his interaction purchasing the magazine was not directly with you, you wouldn't pick up on subtle things like the expression on his face, for one.

She has every right to say he's a creep, because the word creep expresses how she felt as a result of her interaction with him. It doesn't express HIS INTENTIONS, it expresses how she felt about him. She has no obligation to say "I felt this way about him and that burden is on me" it's not required.

This.

Yeah, I know one chap in particular who insists on making all kinds of sex jokes to women and vulgar references to sex. Sometimes he even does it when their husbands are there! I find being around someone like that pretty uncomfortable, especially when he's trying to be 'humourous' with my mother.

In that case, the word will become more and more meaningless. If it's used to refer to literally anyone that a woman doesn't like the look of (who hasn't actually been abusive or harassing), more and more people will start to take the person that uses it less seriously. If someone was calling someone else creepy, I'd want to know if there was a good reason behind being branded that because being called something like that can stick and be damaging, especially to odd or people who are simply a bit socially awkward.

it is used a lot less now than it was 30+ years ago, so i don't think there is any need to worry that the word will get overused. the attention that the MRAs brought to the word makes it seem like it is being used more often than it actually is. you don't have the benefit of personal experience from the 1970s and 1980s, but if you watch movies and television from that period you can see what i mean - it was much more of a common label back then. it was a catch-all term for not only what we consider creepy today, but also "stalker", "date rapist" (it wasn't in the lexicon yet), "PUA", "adult man hitting on teen girls", among other things.

Funny how this was ignored.
Users on here are assuming we're all NT's.

There are definitely nasty girls who will call guys "creeps" and laugh at them for no reason. It's a form of bullying. And, since bullies usually target weaknesses, they get a real kick out of applying the label to AS-ish guys who are least able to fight back. Plus, the girls get to imply that they're so very very attractive at the same time, so that's a real bonus for them.

Exactly. What I'd like to know, though, is why I should care what nasty girls think? They get a kick out of it because they know the victim is particularly sensitive to being labeled a creep. Been there, lived through that. What got me through those kinds of ordeals was learning to discern between what mattered and what didn't. I had the approval of two or three teachers at my school who fostered my creative bent and made sure I stayed on the right track to secure a good future in higher education and pursue the career I wanted. As an adult, I didn't really fit in in college at first, either. The only attention I really got from women kinda pushed me a bit to the fringe of college social circles, but I'd been involved in a LTR for a long time anyway so it didn't really matter all that much. It only became a concern when that relationship ended. And by that point I was well-enough acquainted with the right kind of women that, again, it didn't really matter. And, of course, as a grad student later on I was well-positioned enough to have a little fun with a couple of undergrads...

And now, of course, I'm married, so once again it makes no difference what anyone else thinks.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was if you want to be treated as an adult, i.e. no bullying, creep-shaming, and so on, then you hang out with adults or at least people who make the effort to act like adults. I'm aware that I come off as being a little creepy, so guess what? I tended to gravitate towards women who likewise came off as being a little creepy. Some of them happened to be attractive and sexy. Now, I'm going to distance myself from someone who, once I get to know her, is just downright psychotic. Once you hook up with Crazy, she's a b!tch to get rid of, and she'll make your life a living hell. Been there, barely survived that. What I will NOT do is badmouth her to anyone else. When the abusive relationship I'd been in for several years ended, I'd just tell people who knew us we'd simply gotten to the point where we mutually made each other unhappy and there was nowhere left for us to go together. She could badmouth me all she wanted, and she did, and it was sadly no different from when we'd been together.

No, I want someone who acts sensibly and doesn't resort to that kind of childish silliness.

The only harm I could see happening is if someone were to creep-shame me in front of someone who could possibly be an interest. However, my feelings on that is if a girl is shallow enough to fall for something like that from a friend she isn't worthy of my attention. Move on, next please...

Your best defense against creep-shaming is to just let it go and focus on things that are really important. Act like an adult and concentrate your efforts on associating with people interested in same.

I've been waiting for an excuse to post this one for a while:
http://captainawkward.com/2012/08/07/32 ... r-that-up/
and here's another one:
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/05/l ... en-creepy/

Guys, the simple fact of the matter is that you're not going to see some of the things that women pick up on, that make a woman see something as 'creepy.' It might be as illogical but gut-driven as a guy having the same ideosyncratic tic as the boyfriend who slammed her into a wall, or it might be eye contact or body language that she has learned through multiple experiences presages behavior that is disrespectful of her autonomy and rights as a human being. You're not going to know because you haven't been taught, or learned, for your entire life to be almost preternaturally aware of those things.

But if I had that tic, and I was simply going about my business at the supermarket or bus stop or whatever, how is it my fault that she's offended by some tic that I've had all my life?

Women have to monitor their own reactions and if they don't like the current reaction they should constructively engage it or walk away from it - not expect everyone else to be walking on egg-shells just because they're a woman. That's sexist.

Calling someone a 'creep' isn't the same as 'expecting him to walk on eggshells.' It's basically a statement that 'I wouldn't feel comfortable alone with you in a deserted parking structure.' It requires no action on your part, other than that you politely not try to maneuver her into a deserted parking lot or some similar structure.

And, again, often this learned uneasiness is *constructive* and protective to the woman in question. We're not talking about paranoia.

I don't think that guys, in general, recognize just how much time and energy women, in general, put into protecting themselves from men.
This whole conversation is exemplified by the following:

Except men that rape/kill women are usually sociopaths, and women aren't afraid of sociopaths most of the time at least initially, quite the opposite. It's how they're able to lure them in the first place. Sociopaths are experts at not appearing to be creepy at first, and they're the most likely ones to be sexual-predators by far.

Double post.

Last edited by CaptainTrips222 on 01 Feb 2013, 10:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

And I have every right to consider her an idiot.