Political jokes

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Well, not sure if it would belong here or in the random stuff, but since it is POLITICALLY ALIGNED, i feel it is suited for this section of the forums. Feel free to post your political jokes here.

Well, here are a few of mine. I fall into the middle of the spectrum, so I will make jabs at every angle. Spectrum being left vs right, and I do believe both sides have it wrong >_>.

Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong-il can best be summed up with this picture. They are effectively the real life version of the forum/internet troll. To some people, you can count bush alongside them as well.

thats about all i can come up with at the moment, doctors appointment time :/

am not much for joke tellin' but here goes. i heard this from a russian fella i knew in the army decades back [i am butchering it, and it likely is grimly amusing at most]:

"the difference between capitalism and communism:"

a hapless soviet bureaucrat had a heart attack and keeled over. the next thing he knew he was standing naked in front of a demonic bureaucrat in the anteroom to hell, and the dead soviet is given a choice between the capitalist hell and the communist hell. so mr. soviet asks the demon, "what's the difference between the two?" so mr. demon explains that "in the capitalist hell, a nail will be driven into your butt every day of the month." mr. soviet winces and says, "GADS! what about the other one?" to which mr. demon says, "you can rest assured that you will not be having a nail rammed into your butt every single day." so mr. soviet says, "OK! i choose the commie hell!" mr. demon says, "you made a good choice! HOWEVER- i may have neglected to make more clear to you, that in the communist hell, indeed you will NOT receive a nailed suppository each day, but in the last day of each month, all 30 nails will be pounded up your butt!"

an old chestnut-

It was election time and the politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!" The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya Hoya". The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow more slot machines in the Casinos on the Reservation!" "Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet. "I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!" After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle. "Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."

C'MON, PEOPLE! it's lonely being the only jokester here! jokes wanted HERE!

here's another weak one-

"How much do you think Senators make? They now make $165,200 a year. But they say it will stimulate the economy because eventually that money will trickle down to the liquor stores, the hookers, the brothels ... then it will get back in the community."

(might not be tasteful, might be a bit offensive, but its all for a laugh anyways. If enough people do feel offended, I will take it down, so here it goes. It is also of note, I AM Independent)

Obama had been working on the new budget for quite some time. After the senators have reviewed it, one had the audacity to ask, "There is a provision to give some money to KFC, what is that about?"
Obama replied, "It is because they support racial justice far more than any other company"
The senator laughed and said, "The next thing I was gonna ask about was the boost in the watermelon budget."
Obama then sighed and said, "Alright Alright, Im human too, and I really enjoy KFC and Watermelons."

(That joke you can easily substitute obama, the stuff that got the money, and the remarks the senator says.) For Example, if clinton was still in office...

Clinton had been working on the new budget for some time. After the senators have reviewed it, one had the audacity to ask, "There is a provision for helping take prostitutes off of the streets. What is that about?"
Clinton replied, "It is to help them better their lives."
THe senator then laughed and said, "Oh, because the next thing I was gonna ask about was the fact condoms are on the budget as well."
Clinton then looked a bit suprised and said quite loudly, "I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN!"

careful, there... a lot of americans think associating fried chicken and watermelon with a "black" man is racist.

i'd like to point out to those people that EVERYONE LOVES FRIED CHICKEN AND WATERMELON.

Man, here's something chilling. Former Vice President Dick Cheney is now warning that there will be another terrorist attack. He got that information by waterboarding himself.

a new study finds that it takes humans 30% longer to lie than it does to tell the truth. See, that's why political speeches are so long.

The Homeland Security Department said it will not meet a 2012 deadline set by Congress to scan the contents of every cargo container headed to US ports. 'Thanks for the heads up,' said terrorists.

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

At a White House party, a woman approached Calvin Coolidge, famed for his silence, and said, "Mr. President, I made a bet I can get more than two words out of you." He replied: "You lose."

Q: What's the difference between voting and crows?

A: Crows count.

What is the difference between a Congressman and a Snail?

One is a dirt eating slime sucking bottom feeder and the other is an aquatic life form.

ruveyn

If the opposite of pro is con, does that make progress the opposite of congress?

One day in the future, Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list,
but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll
tell you what I'm going to do: I've got a couple of folks here who
weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have
to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Osama bin Laden thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil
opened the first room.

In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving
in and surfacing empty-handed. Over and over and over. Such
was his fate in hell.

"No," said Osama bin Laden, "I don't think so. I'm not a good
swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a
sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing
that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant
agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Osama
bin Laden.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Osama bin Laden saw George W. Bush
lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and
his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was a sweaty Karl Rove doing something unimaginably disgusting. Osama bin Laden took this in
disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said, "OK, Karl, you're free to go."

Hey you know a politician is lying when they open their mouth.

These aren't actually mine, but I can't make up any, so I thought I would post this...
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylMooG-nY7k[/youtube]
Hope you like it!