A "What Would You Do" Question

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If you married someone who was of a different faith (or if you're not religious, if you were married to someone who is religious), how would you work out your differences? Anyone here who really is in that situation?

For example, my great-grandfather was a Protestant who married a Catholic woman; something that was NOT done in that day. But he not only married her, he also allowed his children to be raised Catholic. What would you have done? Just substitute your own belief systems here.

My Gf is a Pentecostal Protestant and I am a Roman Catholic, so I can sympathize with your Great-Grandfather. My Grandfather was in a similar position and he became Catholic in order to marry my Grandmother. I really want to be married in a Catholic Church but it is an issue that I have not settled yet but we both agree it wont sink our relationship.

I wouldn't marry at all at this point in my life, for philosophical and cultural/political as well as personal reasons, but if I did commit or handfast to somebody, it would have to be somebody with similar moral/ethical and political views to my own. If they expressed that in a different way than I do, well, that's fine. I'd find ways to speak with them in their language, and if they were really the right person for me, I'm sure they'd do the same.

I care a lot more about social justice issues, frankly, than I do about whether someone prefers to read Starhawk, Thomas Merton or Richard Dawkins.

I'm a libertarian and I married a liberal; does that count?

Yes, defiantly. Though I do not want to invite a fight with people relating to the value of political, religious views vis a vis, each other.

I know that I've discovered that when it comes to personal relationships, things like politics matter a whole lot less than many people would believe. In my case, the important factor is the ability to talk about things calmly and rationally despite disagreeing, knowing that we're both intelligent people with legitimate reasons for what we believe allows us to get along while holding different opinions.

The question I would set to you is which of these statements seems most legitimate:
1) Questions of politics - and of social or ethical belief generally - can be solved by way of reason, and you believe you've found the logical solution-set and she hasn't, but other concerns override your interest in a partner who is correct in these matters.

2) Questions of politics - and of social or ethical belief generally - can be solved by way of reason, but it's hard or impossible for a given person to know if their reasoning is correct, and so you accept her as someone who took different logical turns at various points and understand that neither of you can be certain of your rightness.

3) Questions of politics - and of social or ethical belief generally - boil down to values, which are emotionally motivated. You are able to find significant enough solidarity with the values that matter to her most that you're able to override your lack of solidarity in other, more minor areas.

Or perhaps there's something else going on that I haven't identified? The above isn't a complete set of options, I realize.

I could marry a religious woman, but I'd never let my kids be brought up to be religious. I probably won't have kids though, or get married

Frankly, I would not marry someone with incompatible religious views.

Why? Because it becomes an issue sooner or later. If you are of a "stricter" denomination and would be okay with your kids being raised to a more liberal standard, then you really are not that devoted to what you claim to believe...not a problem.

But, if you are devoted to what you believe, you better be certain that your mate is on the same page or you will have fights over it.

I dated a girl for a time...gave in to lust and our relationship was only about pleasure. It didn't last long. I knew if we had any future I had to be honest and do the right thing, and she wasn't religious at all. This was unworkable, and if I had been thinking about the right thing rather than looking at my pleasure interests, we would never have dated in the first place.

This not only broke us up, but it ended what friendship I had with her. Would have been better to have never let it go past being friends.

If I married a Catholic woman, it would be all right. I already pretend to be Catholic and I think my theoretical children could be raised as Catholics. I was and I didn't turn out terribly wrong. Another advantage is that the best private schools in here are Catholic, including the one I went through , and it had a very good science curriculum which was very separated from the religion one. Public schooling is not a great choice because it is very low quality with a lot of strikes and the pricing of private schooling is affordable.

If I married an atheist, it would be all right. I am basically an atheist, I think. I would have to turn out of the closet to deal with my family afterwards, though.

Now, I think that most of the other choices are out of the question and I would just not marry one of them. I am not used to coping out with dealing with non-Catholic christians and I guess the other religions are too exotic for me to deal with. I may accept a form of new age nut, but a very specific one. New age nuts vary a lot from each other and I won't stand dealing with a natural fallacist new age nut (aka Eating meat/Vaccinations are evil because it is not natural we must only use natural medicine and all that crazy stuff).

I wouldn't care about the person's religious or political views unless they were really wacked. Religion and politics is not something I would really discuss a lot with a significant other cuz I don't really care for it in a relationship. I'm not some activist, so why would matter so much to me?

Pretty much what AceOfSpades said.

I wouldn't care about her religious views aslong as she isn't passionate about it. Though I don't think I could stand to be around a very spiritual person for very long, the magic talk tends to get on my nerves so I'd lean toward moderate religious, agnostic or atheist.

And I wouldn't be willing to concede into raising any children with a specific religion or have them undergo any of it's rituals, mostly because those things tend to be a pain in the ass.

I would not marry someone of a different religion to me, but I would consider marrying someone from a different 'denomination' of my religion, I think. This would mean there would be less issues (and less important ones) that we disagreed on, so I guess we would just respect each other's views. I mean, if we didn't respect each other's views, we wouldn't be married, I guess. As for children, I would either want to raise them mainly with the beliefs my denomination, or I would come to a compromise where the children are taught equally about both denominations beliefs and are able to select which they like most, I guess xD.

I know a few couples who are married and are of different religions, but I don't know of any where either party is devout or practising or whatever. The children (of these couples that I know) either identify loosely with the religion of their father, or with no religion at all, as they have not been brought up to be a practising member of either faith.

If the couple are not really practising (I mean in a practical way such as regularly attending a place of worship etc) then I assume there are less issues. I would also assume that generally the more devout members of any religion would choose not to marry outside of their religion because in their case there would be a lot of issues, specifically with the raising of children, that they may not be willing to compromise with.