Is this theism or not? Disagreements with most theism ahead

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Hi. I am a teen girl. My mom is an ex-Baptist and is now agnostic, my dad is an ex-Catholic and is now an atheist. They are also both UUs, meaning they believe in community and diversity, go to a UU church that discusses religion, and my brother used to be Protestant, but he is now an agnostic/atheist, I think.

I was always an agnostic/atheist too, but when I was about twelve, I was confronted with a question: do I want there to be a God?

No, I realized, no, I didn't. The miracle of existence couldn't, shouldn't be put into words, its eternity cheapened in my mind by some big guy in the sky taking all of the credit for it. I was an antitheist, I realized, as I got older. This meant that I believe in the miracle of existence as being self-evident, without a need for justification through a God. I took spiritual joy at the sheer improbability of it all, how nothing needed to happen, yet it still did.

I started calling myself an existentialist/absurdist, as I didn't believe there was one objective focus or purpose to existence, so everything was the hero of its own story and created its own meaning, pretending like it was the main meaning.

Lately, I came to a realization: I don't believe that God doesn't exist. I believe that God is existence itself, in all its power, in all its eternity, (if this universe isn't the last one). Likewise, I believe that I am a part of God, coming into existence spontaneously in the form of matter and being a miracle upon myself. Everyone, everything is God. But I do not believe in a supernatural, anthromorphic, sentient God. I believe God's only real form, all-powerful, all-knowing, exists as literally all the power and knowledge in the universe. And I believe that we are a part of that.

It makes me happier. When I feel frustrated, sad, scared, I take a step back and say: "Hey, you can feel. How cool is that?"

It's wondrous, and I count myself and everything to be a miracle of existence.

Anyways, if I don't believe in a sentient God, do I believe in God at all? In many ways, I still identify with atheism in many ways, and would say I was that if there was no other option.

I guess, what should my answer be if someone ask if I believe in God?

The most accurate term for what you believe would be pantheist, although you can identify with anything you want (pantheist, humanist, atheist, agnostic, etc.).

If someone asks if you believe in God, tell them "No," because you don't believe in the same god that they do. You don't have to explain yourself to them any further unless you just want to.