Mike Royko on Rush Limbaugh

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Vile Publication Makes Fun Of Limbaugh's Fat Assets
July 21, 1993 BY MIKE ROYKO


A vile publication has arrived in the mail. It is so disgusting that I was about to throw it away.

But I won't. I believe it is my journalistic duty to hold it up to public scrutiny and expose it for what it is: subversive and un-American trash.

This contemptible 12-page newsletter is called The Flush Rush. And its sole purpose for existing is to ridicule one of the great patriots, philosophers and real classy guys of our time - Rush Limbaugh.

You conclude that just by looking at the front page, where there is a crude cartoon of a laughing Mr. Limbaugh (I respect him too much to call him plain Rush) being flushed down a commode. But he appears to be stuck waist-deep

because he is so plump.

That is a recurring theme of the magazine - Mr. Limbaugh's rather large size. Shocking as it may sound, they mock him for being a bit overweight.

Which shows how little they really know about Mr. Limbaugh. At one time, he weighed about 330 pounds, which was a bit hefty for someone 6 feet tall who hates exercise. But he has trimmed down to a mere 280 pounds, which isn't much, unless he sits on you.

The publication justifies these jibes by saying he ridicules the appearance of others, such as Chelsea Clinton, the president's 13-year-old daughter. So if he can make fun of a child's looks, they can make fun of his ample bottom.

The magazine also sneers at Mr. Limbaugh because of his views about poor people. He believes, quite logically, that a person is poor because that person has little or no money. So if these people would just make an effort and become rich, they would no longer be poor.

Well, if that doesn't make perfect sense, I don't know what does.

But the anti-Rush magazine says Mr. Limbaugh is not qualified to pass judgment on all poor people because he has never been poor and doesn't know what it is like.

Once again, this shows how little this foul publication actually knows about Mr. Limbaugh.

The truth is, he didn't always make five or 10 million smackers a year.

Yes, he was once penniless, jobless without one asset to call his own. Not even a good pair of shoes or a shirt and tie. He couldn't afford to buy a cup of coffee, much less a heaping plate of beluga caviar, which he now likes to snack on.

Of course, this penniless condition occurred when he was a new-born baby. Fortunately, he had a father who was the biggest lawyer and Republican leader in his part of Missouri. And a grandfather who was the U.S. ambassador to India. And he now has an uncle who was appointed to the federal bench by his hero, Ronald Reagan, who would be my hero, too, except he never made any of my kin a judge.

But the cruelest jibes of all are when they question Mr. Limbaugh's manhood.

First they do it by raising the question of why he wasn't drafted during the Vietnam War. They justify their nastiness by pointing out that he calls Clinton a draft dodger, so where does this kettle get off calling the pot black?

Once again, they don't have all the facts. Mr. Limbaugh says he had a painful knee when he was of draft age. And it is a lie that his influential family used their clout to help him duck military service.

An even lower blow, way below his lengthy belt, is when they ask why Mr. Limbaugh, who is in his early 40s, does not have any children, is not married and hardly ever goes out on dates with female persons.

The snide implication is obvious.

Well, for their information, he has been to bed with women. At least I think so. That's because he was married. Not once, but twice.

Unfortunately, both marriages went ka-boom, and he says he now is too busy being a media giant to be playing kissy-face with a member of the opposite sex.

There is more vile stuff. A lot of it. But space limitations and my revulsion preclude my revealing more.

Limbaugh has been married four times and has no children. He was first married at the age of 26 to Roxy Maxine McNeely, a sales secretary at radio station WHB in Kansas City, Missouri. They were married at the Centenary United Methodist Church in Limbaugh's hometown of Cape Girardeau, Missouri on September 24, 1977. McNeely filed for divorce in March 1980, citing "incompatibility." They were formally divorced on July 10, 1980.

In 1983, Limbaugh married Michelle Sixta, a college student and usherette at the Kansas City Royals Stadium Club. They were divorced in 1990, and she remarried the following year.

On May 27, 1994, Limbaugh married Marta Fitzgerald, a 35-year-old aerobics instructor whom he met on the online service CompuServe in 1990. They were married at the house of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, who officiated. They were separated on June 11, 2004. Limbaugh announced on the air, "Marta has consented to my request for a divorce, and we have mutually agreed to seek an amicable separation." The divorce was finalized in December 2004. In September 2004, Limbaugh became romantically involved with then-TV personality Daryn Kagan, and they broke up in February 2006.
He dated Kathryn Rogers, a party planner from Florida, for three years before he married her on June 5, 2010. During the wedding reception after the ceremony, Elton John entertained the wedding guests for a reported $1 million fee, however Limbaugh himself denied that the $1 million figure was accurate on his September 7, 2010 radio show.

"I'm surprised Obama ever found time to have any kids. I mean, all the guy does is talk."

Rush Limbaugh is a sex tourist who needs viagra and visits impoverished regions like the Dominican Republic for his sex tourism.

Can you document that or are you doing diarrhea of the keyboard again?

ruveyn

Rush Limbaugh Detained With Viagra
Held At Airport After Drug Lacked Prescription; Could See Deal In Prior Case Collapse

Rush Limbaugh could see a deal with prosecutors in a long-running prescription fraud case collapse after authorities found a bottle of Viagra in his bag at Palm Beach International Airport. The prescription was not in his name.

Limbaugh was detained for more than three hours Monday at the airport after returning from a vacation in the Dominican Republic. Customs officials found the Viagra in his luggage but his name was not on the prescription, said Paul Miller, a spokesman for the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office.

Miller said the alleged violation could be a second-degree misdemeanor. The sheriff's office was investigating and will soon turn the case over to the state attorney's office, which had no immediate comment Tuesday.

Under the deal reached last month with prosecutors, Limbaugh was not to be arrested for any infraction for 18 months in exchange for authorities deferring a charge of "doctor shopping." Prosecutors had alleged the conservative talk-show host illegally deceived multiple physicians to receive overlapping painkiller prescriptions.
Limbaugh also must submit to random drug tests and continue treatment for his admitted addiction to painkillers.

Limbaugh's doctor had prescribed the Viagra, but it was "labeled as being issued to the physician rather than Mr. Limbaugh for privacy purposes," Roy Black, Limbaugh's attorney, said in a statement.

U.S. Customs and Border Protection examined the 55-year-old radio commentator's luggage after his private plane landed at the airport, Miller said.

Investigators confiscated the drugs, which treat erectile dysfunction. Limbaugh was released without being charged.

For now, Limbaugh is joking about his brush with the law. He joked about the search on his radio show Tuesday, saying Customs officials didn't believe him when he said he got the pills at the Clinton Library and he was told they were blue M&Ms. He later added, chuckling: "I had a great time in the Dominican Republic. Wish I could tell you about it."

He also said today he's "trying to figure out how Bob Dole's luggage got on'' his plane. Former Senator Dole was a pitchman for the erectile dysfunction drug after losing a presidential bid. And Limbaugh says he's worried about "the next election" -- and not what Viagra might bring.

Before his own problems became public, Limbaugh had decried drug use and abuse and mocked President Clinton for saying he had not inhaled when he tried marijuana. He often made the case that drug crimes deserve punishment.

"Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. ... And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up," Limbaugh said on his short-lived television show on Oct. 5, 1995.

JULY 6--Rush Limbaugh was traveling with four other men--including the producers of the hit show '24'--when he was detained over a mislabeled bottle of Viagra found in his luggage during a Customs search. A Department of Homeland security passenger manifest shows that Limbaugh and his four buddies flew from the Dominican Republic on a Gulfstream IV jet owned by Premiere Radio Networks, which syndicates his radio program. Limbaugh returned to Palm Beach, Florida on June 26 with Joel Surnow, '24''s co-creator and executive producer and Howard Gordon, another of the Fox hit's executive producers (Hollywood agent Jeffrey Benson was also part of the Limbaugh quintet). With all those guys in tow, it is unclear what Limbaugh needed with those 29 100mg Viagra pills. The passenger manifest was among several documents released today by the Palm Beach County State's Attorney in response to a TSG open records request. Included in the material released were a copy of the handwritten statement Limbaugh provided investigators after he was detained upon the discovery of the impotency drug. An affidavit sworn three days later by Limbaugh was also released. In that document, Limbaugh explains that the Viagra 'was intended for my exclusive use' and that the drug had been prescribed in the name of his drug treatment doctor, Steven Strumwasser, 'to further maintain and protect my privacy.

The Dominican Republic is known as a destination for sex tourists.

Does that mean every visitor is there for sex?

ruveyn