Life without a meaning

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I don't believe in God, don't believe in human kindness, don't believe in free will, neither in a supreme purpose.
Sometimes i reflect upon my own death and i realise i have no reason to fight, though I know i have an high potential to do something interesting. But i can't help humanity... I can't help myself. I can't see big difference between animals and humans. We all fear death and fight for survival. But in the end we all die. For me, life is absurd and without meaning.
Does anyone feel the way i do? What do you live for?

I live because i FEAR.

Why don't you believe in science?

I live my life because I have fun sometimes.

All I am certain of is that there is a supreme being. I can't possibly know any more than that, but I beleive life is to complicated to have happened completely by accident.

That said, as far as the meaning of life

I actually find the titular "assassin's creed" Motto to be quite profound

Nothing is True , Everything is permitted

For those who don't play the game It basically means that there is no fundimental truth to life, and all rules are just made up by men. This means that ultimately the responsibility to live well and
do the right thing ultimately rests with you, and there are no limits to what you can do if you try hard enough

At least I think that's what it means

just because something is fleeting or pointless or absurd doesn't mean it's not worth experiencing. there's a lot of stuff to learn. i love learning.

also, humans are animals.

What would a meaning look like anyway. An end of some kind? It's either an end or the start of something else, those seem to be the two choices for what comes next... both infinitely... so... ?

I read that fear is the predominant emotion in Aspies. That seemed very miserable to me but it does seem to be true when I compare my experience with how other people seem to be faring even in the same circumstances. Fear also seems to be the predominant emotion in most if not all non-human animals.

But living on earth has been paradisical for me from time to time so that's what I live for, the next time I get to experience heaven, which I suspect is the only heaven there is, right here. The more I think about it the more foolish It seems to take the view I've always taken of life as a long haul to death. All there is is happiness and trying to get there. And the trying to get there is an essential precursor to happiness because happiness can't sustain itself, it naturally becomes wanting because that's all there is to keep us going forward, wanting. Otherwise time would freeze in the moment of peace and perfection and non-movement and we would no longer be conscious beings and there would no longer be a world and that would be the end and that really doesn't sound pleasant to me, I don't enjoy the thought of not existing for an eternity. Or existing for an eternity. They're both exhausting and really horrifying, I have nightmares about both things. But maybe it's both. Anyway maybe it's that we repeatedly make our way to the calm center of things, then the center gets turned inside out and it's now the outside and we have to make our way back in again. It's not so bad if you think about it that way. As long as you have a goal and that's a goal. There's only ever one goal. Returning to bliss. It can seem like an eternity compared with the immediacy of death but what's an eternity compared with an eternity.

Your life has exactly the meaning you give to it.

ruveyn