The Church of Resurgent Anthropomorphic Philosophies

Post Reply New Topic

Since PP&R is too calm for some, I thought I'd propose an idea that was inspired by L Ron Hubbard, Ellen G. White, William Miller, Charles Taze Russell, and Joseph Smith.

Let's start a WP religion.

Yes, Really! A religion that is purely of, by, and for WrongPlanet members

I've already thought of a name, so all we need now are some doctrines, a creed, a set of "scriptures", and maybe a prophet or two (M/F/GLBTQ/etc.) that all attempt to answer the question, "Why are we here?"

The Name?

"Church of Resurgent Anthropomorphic Philosophies", of course!

Well? Whaddaya think?

Excessive smiling is a sin, a sign of sychophantic phonies
you always see the devil smiling
and seducing others

Makes a great acronym.

I prefer "the Church of Righteous Austistic Philosophy".



More to the point, and easier on the tongue. And it maintains the same initials.

But couldn't we just form a catholic order?
Under the banner of "Canons Regular of Autistic Penance" or something similar.
Let's see. We'll need fancy robes, obscure rituals... and disregard for age of consent laws.
Lastly, we need a central text. Something like "Codex Regius Autismus Psychologia".
Simon Baron-Cohen could be our pope!
He could easily convince people to donate all of their income to our shallow cause.
I really, really like this idea. And best of all:
Tax exemption!

And while we are at it, why not go all in and finally get our own country as well! Apparently, some atolls in the Pacific are vacant:

Phoenix Islands Settlement Scheme

AWSOME!! ! We have our very first doctrinal schism! This alone should make us legitimate!

ROTFLMFAO!

Well..

I guess we have no choice, but to EXCOMMUNICATE each other!

All hail our new leader... pope Fnord the 1st.



What are your divine words of dogma o holy one? We await your sermons and beg for your blessings.

I'll despatch all the heathen disbelievers. I'm well positioned to start the WP inquisition.

Thy Commandments are These:

Thou shalt turn away from American Idols and similar forms of Reality Programming; for such are abominations in my sight, as they fill thy mind with treacly matter that attracteth flies and other foul vermin.

Thou shalt speak well of thy parents. If they have no wellness to speak of, then speak only the truth about them, and the speaking of the truth shall be truthfully truthful, and neither slanderous nor full of lies. But if they are dead, then thous mayest say what thou wilt, for thy parents shall not rise up from the grave to smite thee.

Thou shalt consider those less fortunate than thyself as thine own equals, for theirs is your fate should you screw up just one more time where thy boss can see thee.

Thou shalt seek only justice under the Law, forsaking revenge and debasement of thine enemies unless the bustards really, Really, REALLY deserve it.

Thou shalt not cause a child to suffer; nor, through inaction, shalt thou allow a child to suffer from the action or inaction of another; for children truly are our future, as they will determine which rest home they shall commit us to.

Thou shalt consider the beauty of nature wisely, and not squander the Legacy of Creation with pollutants, paved roads, noisome vehicles, and electrical pylons. Pick up thine empties while thou art at it, for there is much redemption therefrom.

Men, thou shalt consider the beauty that is Woman without lust or contempt; for all men were born of a woman, and if they can bring us into the world, they can take us out, as well. Gazing at her shapely attributes shall be permitted, but if thou makest a grab for them in anticipation of fleshly delight, preparest thou for battle, for she may be packing iron.

Women, thou shalt consider frailty that is Man; for he seeks more than his cleaving unto thy flesh, but a joining of his spirit to yours. But if flesh-cleaving is thy desire too, then have at it; only let thy Man know what thy mind truly intends, for men are weak at mind-reading and careth not as long as they be gettin' some ak-shun.

Thou shalt consider the sexuality of others NONE OF THY DAMNED BUSINESS, unless thou seekest mutual flesh-cleaving for its own sake; remembering that "No" means "No", "Stop" means "Stop", and fifteen will still get you twenty in most states.

Troublest me not with endless debates on Marriage, for I havest battedeth 1 for 2 in that ballpark, and considereth myself no expert on the matter.

If thou hast any Holy Scriptures, then thou art encouraged to READ thy Scriptures and knoweth them cover-to-cover; for endless debate ensues when people knowest not the Scriptures from whence they quoteth, and the Banhammer shows no mercy for the ignorant. Besideth, mine own Scriptures have I read, and knoweth such about them that if thou wilt debate me, thou shalt soon rend thy garments an gnash thy teeth in frustration for the arguments that I haveth encircled thee with.

All creatures of the taxonomic family Felidae are blessed in my sight; therefore do not torment them, but lavish kindness and affection upon them, and they shall bless you in return. As for creatures of the taxonomic family Canidae, thou mayest kicketh them to thy curb, for their food is dung, they barketh and biteth often, and they spout foul excrement upon my lawn where my bare feet have often found it there.

I grow weary, and shall continue this another time.

Thank you for your wise words o Papal one. I will take them to my heart and preach them to my fellow chickens.

Phew. Good thing that one made it into the Biblical canon. Rumour has it that the False Prophet Pariah and the Anti-Virgin Vigilant Vigilans had conspired to overthrow Pope Fnord I (May Penuciary Awards Be Upon Him) if that verse had been relegated to the Apocrypha.

:Humor:

Let's get ready for the banquets. Stim Cola and Tesla Dogs.

"... and she passed the tortillas, saying 'Here, take some and eat...'"

So long as this 'religion' does not follow creationism 'beliefs', requires no holy wars, does not convert because of 'duty' and is not hypocritical like christianity, islam and judism (they are the same in my eyes: lies) i'm in...

thou speakest a false doctrine
who knoweth what happens beyond the grave?
or when roots are damaged?
aspies??

Heretic! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him!