L’Étranger (The Stranger) and Absurdism

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I wasn't really sure where to post this, but I figured here was fitting as Albert Camus was a philosopher (aka the author of this book).

I just finished the book last night, I think it it put me in a philosophical-bantery-prosey sort of mood.

The thing I was struck most by is how much the protagonist reminds me of my boyfriend, who has AS and the reason I joined this forum.

I feel like it gave me insight into his mindset, like a more exaggerated version of him, and far more passive than he is, but still eerily similar, especially the bit about his 'sun being in his eyes' that reminded me of the sensory overload that people with AS can experience. How baffled he is as to how people place meaning on the meaningless and absurd, how the protagonist is this sort of misunderstood 'outsider' to society, an observer on the fringes. How he didn't really grieve his mother's death or how he didn't say he loved Marie because he wasn't sure what it was or if he felt it all reminded me so much of my guy, but like I said, in an exaggerated fashion.

It seemed depressing at first, but personally I see a sort of liberation in absurdism, which I love about it. If everything is meaningless, we are free to assign our own meaning, and it is meaningful in of it having been given meaning, regardless of how arbitrary it is. I am just as free to dismiss notions about my character that people might make ('you're stupid' 'you're fat', as petty and simple examples) as I am to take them into account.

I am aware of (according to absurdism) the meaninglessness of my life, yet I choose to assign certain things meaning, usually meaning that has already been given by society.

This is where a lot of times I would conflict with my BF.

Take for example, he presents me with flowers. I enjoy them because they hold a sentimental meaning, reinforced by society, at least a demographic of American society.
He, on the other hand, sees them as meaningless. He only gives them to me because they make me happy, and usually because I asked for them (he got me lilies once this way). He does not see this as a gesture of love or anything else, just the giving of a plant to another person. That's it. This causes me to be upset, because I'm the only person who sees meaning in the flowers. I accept them as an implication of affection - but are they really if that was not the intent at all? To him, they are meaningless, because of that, I have a hard time accepting them. He sees it as just giving a plant to me, and he implies nothing more. I suppose that results in me just seeing it as a plant I'm getting, largely because I asked.

It extends beyond that, into topics of marriages, dates, displays of affections, to varying degrees. There are times he's affectionate towards me, sometimes ravenously so, but still writes it off as being arbitrary. If I ask if he enjoys physical affection, he says no despite seemingly being involved in it. When I call him out on that, he says he just doesn't know or understand the value he places on physical affection or even physical enjoyment of any kind.

I just don't understand his reasoning when he writes off certain notions of affections, romance and sentiment being meaningless and just purported by other people, society - if life is already meaningless, why live it that way? I can understand that something is meaningless and only has meaning because meaning was assigned to it by a person, that doesn't mean I can't enjoy it and relish in it in spite of that. Occasionally he seems to completely dismiss something as meaningless. Sometimes he'll still participate in it. I know that life doesn't hold meaning (according to absurdism), but I don't see how it merits, at least in my own life, living it as such, and living just the bare bones of life because it is already meaningless.

Bear in mind he's not as dry and dreary and depressing as this depicts, it's merely some isolated examples. Usually he's a pretty lively and humorous guy who enjoys things, mostly writing and video games and talking for hours with me, just not most social or even physical joys that most people like.

I apologize for the vagueness and ramblings. xD If you could draw any sort of meaning or conclusion out of that pseudo-intellectual mess, hats off to you.

I'm a very new person to philosophy really, and I have an inkling that everyone else is on the next page and I'm hanging back with no idea that they are. I've got a suspicion most of you have already explored the topic and see it as a dead horse being beat. I heard a lot of people read the book while they were in high school. I feel like an ignorant nihilistic wannabe teenager, which really, I am, haha. I just graduated (or rather I will in about a week), and I didn't read in high school, then again I did take a college ethics course a few summers back, and we discussed absurdism. It stood out to me the most of all the topics we covered, as it was one of the last ones that we did.

Regardless, and all of that aside - what is your take on "The Stranger," absurdism, and how it might relate to AS and how value is placed in things like sentiment, emotion, etc?

When you give flowers... what do you imply, if anything at all?

It's been a good 11 years since I read that book (I was your age - 15 - when I read it, iirc). I remember relating to the way Mersault saw things, though. I feel the same way when people die, really. Death seems like the ultimate absurdity to me - it has no meaning. I get upset that people get upset about it, but that's it.

About the flowers, the meaning of them for him is probably that they are a token of his desire to please you. The thing he's focusing on is your reaction, not the flowers or the act of giving them.

I like La Peste (The Plague) better because the message of that book is that you give life meaning, like the doctor in that novel trying to fight suffering and its absurdity. That had a profound impact on me at the time and still does, more so than L'Etranger. Your BF will have to find his own meaning or the void will eat him - he probably is already formulating his own authentic meaning.

The key here is 'authentic'. Sentimentality isn't. Authenticity comes from your first-hand reaction to lived experience.

Some people read this book in high school and some people read it in their 20s or older. Most people never read it. Now is as good a time as any to ask these questions. You find yourself still asking them years after reading the book. I'm a nihilistic wannabe for life!

I suspect your boyfriend is not as different to you as you think.

Presumably he likes it when someone smiles at him?

In which case, his argument that flowers are just plants is not particularly convincing. Isn't a smile just the corners of the mouth turned upwards?

Everyone attaches meaning to things to a certain degree. The fact that he does not see meaning in giving flowers therefore is not in my view an indication of a fundamentally different way of seeing the world. Rather I suspect its simply a result of different gender expectations/cultural values.