Cow Economics in various societies

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SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

OBJECTIVISM:

You take your herd of cows to Galt's Gulch so that the looters and the moochers will get none of their milk. When the code of the looters has collapsed you make the sign of pulling teats and say: We are going back.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

Enjoy!

ruveyn

Brilliant, concise and mooved me to laughter.
May I add -

AUTISM
You have 2 cows.
You suspect they have wandered from your neighbours as you vaguely heard cow noises from there last week.
You are too shy to contact the neighbours and worry they will think you stole them.
You close the curtains and try to ignore the mooing.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You buy a milking machine and hire an operator.
PETA pickets your farm and sets fire to your tractor.
Homeland Security raids your farm looking for illegal immigrants.
Your milking machine operator runs away.
You hire another milking machine operator.
The FBI serves a warrant to dig up your pasture in a search for Hoffa's body.
The operator goes on strike demanding higher wages.
The FBI finds bones, but they're 10,000 years old.
The union says that you have to hire five milking machine operators - 1 for each shift, plus 2 supervisors.
One of your cattle is found mutilated and dead, with only its sex organs missing.
Your pasture is now an Archeological Preserve, and you have to pay to walk through it.
The union demands higher wages, medical insurance, tuition co-pay, and a full-wage pension plan ... "or else".
The IRS comes knocking to ask why you never contributed to the illegal immigrant's Social Security account.
A woman you've never met before accuses you of being her baby's daddy.
The FBI discovers a squatters' encampment on your property.
Eyewitness News parks its truck across the road, and your every move is broadcast live 24/7.
You sell the farm, the cattle, and the milking machine to Monsanto and retire to the Philippines.

I'm down with the Australian Cow Economics, myself. After enough of that, I might even be convince to try out some of the Kiwi's ideas...

United Nations economics:

Your member has two cows.
Another member shoots a cow.
You park illegally, spend your expense account, and look the other way.
Another member shoots the second cow.
You park illegally, blame both sides, order a cease-fire, and pass a resolution condemning the first member.
You fly to Vegas on someone else's money.

I say I like the surrealist approach best!

-Bill, otherwise known as Kraichgauer