Standing Still and not sure what to believe.....

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(So this was written without planning... It is a whim writing but it still holds to the theme of this forums topic.)

So i have been on this rage and confusion where I evaluate my morals. I am a religious person. I am a spiritual person. I am a philosopher. I have disabilities. I have abilities. I have pains. I have treasures. I have no idea where they go when I go or what happens when I stay.

As of late, I have been looking at what I feel is right. I am not hear to say that I am right or that I am wrong. I want this moment to be relevant. I want to seek what is the light of the world. I want to know what true evil is. I want to feel the soft and precious. I want to walk these roads and see where they go and meet the people of this world. I want to know what is justified and what is damned. Everywhere I go, I see people spilling there hearts out on what they truly believe and here I am stuck standing still.

I can't walk any where with out seeing and feeling like there is no answer. Is there an answer? Is there an actual path that I am supposed to take?

I look at the most common of problems that have flooded the digital waves and I can't help but be stuck in the middle trying to piece it all together. Who or what is to blame? Does it matter? What is truth in all these lies?

I keep evaluating what I have learned and wondered if the truths I have found apply to everything or nothing. I want to find this ultimate truth. I want to find what is the right thing. I look and pray in my heart and ponder if is wrong. I wonder if my disabilities lie to me about the truth or if the lies support my flaws. What is manipulation? Why am I wrong? Why am I right?

Are these opportunities for justice just a an excuse to be proven otherwise?

Are my gifts and pains a part of me or are they just descriptions of me?

Am I tied to my gifts or released by my broken truths?

Is it my fault for someone else's reactions and choices?

Is it there fault that I am mad?

Is it there fault I am weak?

Is it my fault for not being able to take in what seems to be the absolute obvious and walk in there shoes?

If only I could come to a solid end to where it all begins. I want to know why I feel this wretched delight and blissful pain. I wish I could see the justice that is just and the damned to be damned. I want to hold this world for what it is worth. Because it would mean nothing if I didn't. I am told of a higher power, so why am I condemned to watch the world die? Why do I burn inside when I hear the unjustified even if it fits a part of my ritualistic life that has told me other wise?

I can't make a stance because I am always wrong and right at the same time. No matter who hears I am wrong. No matter who hears I am right. Nothing has a solid end. Is it possible that this leaking system we call life that it is all a lie and that there is no possible solution to anything that has ever been presented to me in my God ridden life?

So I stand still and watch it all pass by and dare not raise a finger and dare not flex my tongue for fear you will not hear me in the way I wish to portray. For I cannot piece together the justices that are presented and the lies that are spat that you also may have been told are so or other wise.

What is that minuscule point where everything blooms and everything is right and the wrong stays wrong not matter what?

If only God could tell me so. Because it would be one hell of a night if I new the difference between fact and faith.

Are we together or single selves? None?

Because the last thing I want told is that we are much the same but tossed aside because of our stigmas. Tell me again why it doesn't work. Tell me again why it does.

Tell me how to see this ultimate truth and see through the lies that has been given to me on the silver platter.

All I can do is stand still because no matter what I do it wouldn't matter.









Would it?