Dating and Church life

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I discovered the other day that in my church you have to marry within the church....

unfortunantly, being aspie, the women in my church around my age range <18-35> blank me.
i try to say hi, or make conversation, but they dont want to know... and of course they happily talk to other guys in our church.

i know God has put me in this church, but i dont altogether like the idea of becoming Celebate....

what do i do?

Do you have any event where the church meets up with other churches who have the same beliefs for joint efforts or anyhing like that?
That would obviously mean you'd get to see more potential partners.

Most churches don't say you have to marry within unless you are in a more commited denomination.
There are benefits with the latter though as devout christians should have better morals than others in general and be more likely to be faithful.

I am in a similar situation to you as I would like a christian girlfriend with good moral values.

Last edited by Enigma on 17 Mar 2007, 11:32 am, edited 2 times in total.

Find a new religion without all these rules

I'm actually quite serious about that. You said "that in my church you have to marry within the church" - this sounds like the church's beliefs, not yours.

or just date a girl who isn't part of your church and convince her to become part of the church before you get married. if you guys fall in love, she may decide she strongly wants to convert to your church. of course she may convert you to her church instead.... that would be ironic but love is a strange thing....

Date whoever you please.

To say it in a way Christian might:

"Those are the church's rules, not God's."

a. Pray

b. Become an atheist

Well ive decided to trust in the Lord....

the logic is this.... if there is someone there for me in gods plan, then he will make it happen in the right time, kinda like the seasons, and they would be the perfect person for me to be with for gods plan (heh, i dont mind as long as god doesnt pull a 'hosea' on me ). if i dont meet anyone, it will be part of gods plan, in that it was better for me not to marry.


all i got to do, is resolve the conflict within me that is putting my desire for a wife and companion before God and his plans... ive accepted it intellectually, i just need it to filter down into my emotions sigh... anyone got any ideas how i do this?

A lot of prayer. If your faith is strong enough to make that kind of decision, prayer is your only real solution.

I think that since Jesus wanted people to obey more of his doctrine than traditions of Men (if marrying inside the church would be a tradition), then marrying someone that's outside the church and attends a different denomination instead would be okay. Afterall, if someone is a Christian, then that means that they are in essence part of the Church, since the Church is one body in Christ, and it makes no difference what denomination that they are apart of as long as they believe in the essential Christian doctrine. Another good thing to do is to pray about it (as other people already said), which is always a good thing to do; God will give you the answer in due time. Anyways, I hope that you find a solution to this dilemma of yours.

I'm not exactly in your shoes, so what I'll say is probably easier said than done:

With every person you meet in your daily life, think of all that you do for them is for the sake of the betterment of the Kingdom of God. Maybe you've heard this before but dedicate the mundane to Him. Opening the door for someone.....smiling....lending a hand, even when someone may be too proud to ask...greeting someone and asking how they are doing today...etc. Male or female, this generosity in spirit is sorely needed in this age.

For people of the opposite sex, we don't see enough of this kindness that was once the norm. We will most likely remember the rareness of it happening and the person who performed it. (Or, the more jaded of us would treat it as strange and uncomfortable.)

Best wishes, and may His will be done.

Can your church give a dispensation to marry outside the church?

The Catholic church can, provided that your partner meets certain criteria. I don't have a dispensation because not all of the criteria are met (I go to the Episcopal church now because of this).

good way to look at it. sorry I have no ideas though

i have come to the conclusion that it is up to god, not me or the church...

im begining to wonder how, if he does, he is going bring it about

all i know is that she must be a christian, as to whether she is a good christian i dont know.....

we all remember Hosea ...

Ooh, AFTL, what if you fall in love with a girl who's not a christian? Doesn't God also create that love? I'm not knocking your religion at all but I'd hate to see you unhappy

Most of what is considered love is lust mostly..... love never fades, only lust does.

if she ACTUALLY loves me and i ACTUALLY loved her then it would be from god... for god IS love, but to truly love you need gods love in you.... we dont have it otherwise

BTW Starr, thank you for saying you dont want to see me unhappy