I am only very young but in recent years have developed an existentialist mindset.
I can't help but think life is totally pointless and meaningless.
I also have feelings of depersonalization and derealization. I sometimes feel like this world isn't real, this reality is too constructed, artificial and fake feeling, etc.
I'm not depressed or anything though. I think we should still live life to the fullest. We might as well live life to the fullest in this tiny, tiny little time we have on this planet than just end it now.
Still I've begun to realize just how much I 'drift' through life, especially things like school. I literally put the bare minimum effort into everything to succeed because I'm so apathetic and unmotivated to excel. I'm satisfied with barely trying and getting a C- for example.
Not just school but relationships and friendships as well. There's only a tiny little fraction of people I speak to and am very satisfied with this. Most of them I don't have very strong friendships or relationships with either. My family of course I love them and spend time with them but I also spend a minimal amount of my attention in their lives.
Either way all this conformity gets drilled into my head and I can't stand it. At school they're always mentioning about how we find our 'purpose' in life, how we find meaning. How we 'contribute' as a citizen, as a member of the community, etc. It's starting to get annoying. I'm also a socialist but no I do not believe in this 'find meaning in your life to be a part of your world!!
Your great, big, exciting, happy world of meaning and purpose!!' stuff.
Anyway enough about me.
So, are you an existentialist? Could it even be an Aspie thing that we are more inclined to these types of philosophies? Or do you think it's not and we can all have different philosophical views? What do you think?
What's your story/when did you start feeling you were an existentialist, why, and how has it changed your perspective on the world?