The Love Of God To Me

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I hope its OK to post this here, because I read so much about hate.

It has not been the best few years for me. I've had my second open heart surgery and consequent kidney failure with dialysis. Yet even so I can still say life is good. I was a fundie, strong in my faith, but this past year its taken a knock. I want that surging feeling of power back but where has it gone? Not to worry, I do have the UK National Health Service is looking after me. Those doctors and nurses really do care.

I had prayed for that old power back again, all the feelings that God is with me, but it doesn't come. Does God answer prayer? He has always answered my prayers. Ever feel like Job, saying there was a time when you answered my prayers. But here it is in a different kind of way. I stop in the street for a rest, trying to get my breath back again when people come up to me asking if if I am all right. Can they do something for me. I'm trying not not look needy but they still come and ask. I wanted that old feeling of power yet here is something wonderful. There is so much kindness and compassion when I had lest expected it.

This has helped me believe again. The love of God is with those people. It goes a bit against the grain of my old doctrines, but I am surrounded by so many caring people, who we would have said are not saved. My prayer has been answered but certainly not in the way I had expected it. Maybe the best thing to come out of this is my fresh understanding of the need to love everybody. There's maybe people still ready to hate me, but we are given the commandment to love them. That's less easy, and sure God loves homosexuals, why be afraid to love them as well. But OK, I've got a lovely wife who amazingly still loves me. She is a wonderful gift.

Thank you for being a great example of how religion can be beneficial, and how it can help people. Even though I'm an atheist, I sometimes wish that I could believe in God, because it seems like that belief could help me be more optimistic, kinder, and more loving. But I just can't make myself believe that God exists, and I haven't yet found any atheistic philosophy that has the same qualities as Christianity has.

So sorry to hear about your health problems, by the way.

Thanks for sharing Grebels.

I went through a fundy stage. The certainties and the zeal of the converted are attractive in a way. Though the more I learned and the older I get the more I realise that people are wonderful, just as they are . If we were not then God wouldn't bother with us.

Someone (can't recall) said something like "Belief without doubt isn't faith but certainty and those are not the same things". If they didn't then I shall claim the quote.

I like Brian McLaren's book A Generous Orthodoxy; why I am a missional, evangelical, post/protestant, liberal/conservative, mystical/poetic, biblical, charismatic/contemplative, fundamentalist/ Calvinist, anabaptist/Anglican, Methodist, catholic, green, incarnational, depressed-yet-hopeful, emergent, unfinished Christian. Yse we can be all those things- those things are often richer than the shorthand labels we use them for.

A part from being the longest titled book I have ever read, I found my self agreeing with those many adjectives. Certainties can rob you of a vision of beauty and mercy. Certainties limit God to what we can conceive or imagine.

Your story help remind me that God is still working on me too. I'm not done yet. Which is a good thing. There is plenty of scope for improvement.

100% this, I wish that more religious folk were like OP.

If you believe God saved your life, who am I to dispute you?

I echo what the previous posters have said.

Many thanks for your replies you guys. It seems to me that Christianity here in the UK is far different to the Bible Belt USA. I have known plenty of wonderful fundies, genuine and compassionate. They were true to what they believed. I suppose you may appreciate why after many years trying I could never really fit in. But let us admit fitting in generally may not be one of those things we are good at.

We do have Anglican Bishops in The House of Lords, but generally speaking Christians here in the UK do not have political clout. I think that is a good thing.

You sound like you will be in good hands & a good future-destiny so long as you believe in the virtue of kindness unto others, regardless of what happens to you or what others do to you, and to never be hateful.

I remember, back in the day, when I got into somewhat of a « debate » with some fundamentalist-style 7th-Day Adventists at their house one day, regarding whether « spirits » existed or not (because the young man was a preacher who made the claim that they did not). I decided to do the « religious » activity of praying to God for the answer, and whilst I did get an answer to said question, the answer came in a manner that was also to me most unexpected. I did receive an answer, but it was not in the form of a yes or no answer, rather, the response was: « Why does the word 'spirit' even exist within the bible itself if there are no such things as spirits ? »

I think answers will come at various stages in life when you're ready for the next steps in your « spiritual-growth (test of faithfulness ?) » but that each experience may simply be a stepping stone where you just have more « opportunities » for deeper & further insights into what « God » may have « planned » for you. The « scriptures » themselves say that God uses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise (i.e.: people who think themselves better than others are put to shame whilst those whom are willingly « humble » will be elevated). I haven't really seen any signs of others directing any kind of hate towards you thus far, not from these forums, not from your own posts & activities, and so all I'm going to really say regarding that is that there is probably much good that the rest of us can learn by observing & paying attention to your examples. I am not going to go into any normal tirades about health & medical-conditions & cures in this post but will only just say that I believe there to be ways to reverse & cure these common types of bodily damage even though it will probably not be information that is ever foud or amongst the conventional-doctors but that's just me ranting my ravings of a lunatic conspiracy-theorist.



Decided to yank up a search-result just because I have a « mind » that compels me to perform « look-ups » related to anything that I've made claims for (such as the existence of reversals of kidney-failures).

Thanks for the link Ban-dodger. Mind you I wouldn't be sure. CKF after aortic dissection surgery is likely caused by insufficient blood supply to the kidneys.

I think you did misunderstand me about hate. It was perhaps due to my poor grammar. I'm not seeing it directed at me at all. It was my feeling that it involved the way things often are in the USA.

Here is a rule to remember in future, when anything tempts you to feel bitter: not "This is misfortune," but "To bear this worthily is good fortune.”
― Marcus Aurelius

Hmm, sure, Grebels, but as The Messiah had once been quoted as saying: « With God anything is possible. »

I also remember other verses like: « Blessèd are those who suffer »
(Although in the context that I understand this, and also from what Terence-Christ has responded to me once before in an e-mail message, I asked him if every experience of suffering brings one closer to reaching heaven, and his response was yes, the more we suffer, the faster it brings us into heaven [and this having to do with « suffering » simply being a « rendering unto God » for the sake of paying off any outstanding spiritual-debts until there is no longer any further « suffering » that you are « accounted for » according to your Book-of-Life Records].)

The U.S. certainly does have a lot of war-mongerers, a large percentage of its main-stream population having bought into the idea that war is necessary, that their freedom seems to require enslavement, that high-way robbery by the police-state is some-low legitimate, and in various other posts I've already linked The Messiah's web-site which gives the reasons as to why those who seek salvation & the attainment of heaven absolutely must stop funding into the coffers of extortionist tax-demands, for said taxes are mostly used to fund war-fare, engage in the terrorist-activities of both domestic-extortion and invasions & bombings of other countries, etc., for the « spiritual-debts » are apparently incurred that must eventually become « rendered unto God » for the activities of our servants, even if we did not personally drop the bombs or pull the trigger upon others over the sea or domestically.

Many Americans have incurred so much « spiritual-debt » from their complicities to both the war-atrocities and incarceration-inflicting & homelessness-cacusing activities that are perpetrated by their very own government-officials (i.e.: servants via payments of funding them via taxation or fines & fees & licenses & having voted for or elected them) globally & domestically on a daily basis that I've found it difficult to get through to most of them since the « mind-altering » sin (and I refer to sin as a 'noun' that has infected their spirit-souls) has such a hypnotic & mind-controlling grip upon their beliefs that I have decided to just leave most of them to their own devices, for their perils are quite the self-inflicted through their own choice, and if America's police are wondering why their very own communities do not even trust them (most people I have spoken to are actually distrustful of police), they have no further than to look at themselves, and the fact that their activities committed upon peaceful citizens/residents/members of community on a daily basis are viewed as criminal (e.g.: impounding = grand-theft of your car, requiring payment for release from impound = holding your stolen property for ransom, jailing you for non-payment of a fine = extortion & kidnapping then holding you hostage, pulling you over for 'expired' tabs = more extortion & disturbing the peace of the land, and the judges here even threaten you with contempt of court for even attempting to utter the word constitution = treason & intentionally trying to incite civil-unrest).

I also know for a fact that there are many around the world who « hate » the arrogance & backwards-mentalities of many of those who regard themselves as Americans & that there were factually a lot of people on Earth who were actually glad that « 9/11 » had occurred (because Americans deserved it as far as they were concerned). Anyway, yes, the « hate (one of the sinful-emotions) » within this world is certainly prolific, but everybody has the opportunity to hear « spiritual-truth » & for them to stop being complicit to any further attrocities upon others.

Goon Squad, I agree. I think The Stoics and the Pauline Epistle Romans had much in common. I had allowed bitterness to poison my life, although not for the reasons I've spoken about here. I'm still letting go of the damage.

Sometimes, letting go the damage can be a lifelong process. Indeed all life is a learning process.

I'm glad things are working out for you now.

Ban dodger and evironzential my post has been lost. I'll be back.