What are your views on corporal punishment?

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cathylynn
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12 Jul 2015, 4:45 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
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medical studies show that kids who are spanked are more likely to have slower brain development, be more anxious and angry and become delinquent. when they grow up, they are more likely to be obese and have arthritis and cardiovascular disease.


The brain is part of the body. So slower brain development, anxiety, obesity, arthritis and cardiovascular disease are part of the punishment. If you're strong-willed enough, you'll avoid the worst parts, so you get what you have coming. Where's the problem?

did you miss the part about more likely to become delinquent?



Amity
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12 Jul 2015, 4:47 pm

starfox wrote:
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Corporal punishment teaches fear, it does not teach why the behavior/etc was unacceptable, it doesn't encourage a child to understand why they should self regulate, or to engage in higher order thinking skills bar the basic... remembering.
Fear of an external force is the motivation to behave in desirable ways, but without comprehension of why xyz behavior is correct.



I do agree you have a point. As a last resort though it could help?


No, I don't believe that physical violence is the way to teach anything to a sentient being.
The alternatives require more time and patience, commodities which are in short supply for many people who interact with children.

If you wanted an adult to learn something, would you talk to them, work with them etc, or would you hit them... would you be hesitant because it is possible that they would hit you back!

From my perspective children have the same rights as any adult (minus associated responsibilities), the difference between a child and an adult? The UNCRC defines a child as aged under 18, they don't suddenly become a person on their 18th birthday. Children are capable of understanding many large concepts, if said time and patience is extended to them.



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12 Jul 2015, 4:52 pm

I consider myself really messed up by corporal punishment. My parents used to hit me with a wooden spoon and they used to make a weird power game out of it like making me bend over and saying I'd be hit less if I bent over without being told and be hit more if I cried and stuff. I don't blame them now, they were both totally screwed up by what was happening in their lives and taking solace in strict religion and they were being violent with each other at the time. I still however am very scared at age 32 I can't be naked or I feel as if I am about to be smacked, when I get out of the shower I put clothes on quickly as I feel shaky when naked, and when I was in a relationship I only felt comfortable having sex with me below as I can't cope with the feel of having my naked back and bum unprotected sticking up. Also, a few years ago I went through a fascination with caning porn and trying to watch it on the internet all the time. I try to avoid it now as I feel better and healthier not thinking about it. I also have been violent myself in times in my adult life, to my utter shame.

however, I am open to the idea that spanking may be ok when done by healthier parents with less anger issues, I've seen enough spoiled kids to think they need something firm.



Jacoby
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12 Jul 2015, 5:06 pm

It's not black and white, I don't think it is appropriate for most kids but I do believe there are extenuating circumstances but the line is thin between disciplining your kid and abuse.



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12 Jul 2015, 5:09 pm

starfox wrote:
Amity wrote:
Corporal punishment teaches fear, it does not teach why the behavior/etc was unacceptable, it doesn't encourage a child to understand why they should self regulate, or to engage in higher order thinking skills bar the basic... remembering.
Fear of an external force is the motivation to behave in desirable ways, but without comprehension of why xyz behavior is correct.



I do agree you have a point. As a last resort though it could help?


I can see of no way in which it would help. You are assuming that fear of physical pain would motivate the child to control themselves where before they just weren't motivated enough. But if all the other things have been tried- and they are strong motivators, then motivation isn't the problem. There is a different problem and that needs to be found.

I am a parent (probably some other posters are too) so it isn't just a theoretical exercise. A parent needs to find the tools that will get a child to control their behaviour and act in an appropriate manner. Corporal punishment teaches only one thing: 'if I do/ don't do X Mom or Dad will spank me'. If they really have the capacity for full self control, that can work....when they have to answer to Mom and Dad.

But it doesn't get generalized into 'do/don't do X because of Y consequence (other than spanking). Doing/not doing X all hinges on the corporal punishment so once they get too old to spank or otherwise get away from parental control, there is no consequence to their actions until they get arrested. That's an endgame parents want to avoid and spanking leads towards it rather than away from it.

Making the child fix (to the best of their ability) the problem their bad action caused or taking away privileges actually teach and continue on to adulthood. I could have spanked my toddler daughter when she picked up a bowl of pankcake batter and dumped it on the floor. But that would have taught her nothing except 'Mommy will spank if I dump things'. That's a lesson that doesn't go very far. Actually having to clean it up (to the best of her ability) taught the actual consequence of such an action. Plus then there were no pancakes.

Taking away privileges has the benefit that the privileges can be re-instated in steps as the child works towards controlling the behaviour. It isn't an all-or-nothing deal and small improvements win back small re-instatements. This makes controlling the behaviour an achievable goal since it can be done a step at a time, which is easier for a child (and for an adult).



0_equals_true
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12 Jul 2015, 5:11 pm

Jacoby wrote:
It's not black and white, I don't think it is appropriate for most kids but I do believe there are extenuating circumstances but the line is thin between disciplining your kid and abuse.


He is talking about legal sentencing.



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12 Jul 2015, 5:14 pm

It the potential harm outweighs the benefit there is no point in doing it. This has been done before. People like to view the past through rose-tinted glasses.



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12 Jul 2015, 5:19 pm

0_equals_true wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
It's not black and white, I don't think it is appropriate for most kids but I do believe there are extenuating circumstances but the line is thin between disciplining your kid and abuse.


He is talking about legal sentencing.


It is an interesting idea as a possible alternative to incarceration, I believe Singapore canes a lot of their criminals but I certainly wouldn't take any human rights advice from them tho. For the most part, I would say it is cruel and unusual but I don't think incarceration is any or at all better which there has to be a better option than.



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12 Jul 2015, 5:42 pm

Janissy wrote:
starfox wrote:
Amity wrote:
Corporal punishment teaches fear, it does not teach why the behavior/etc was unacceptable, it doesn't encourage a child to understand why they should self regulate, or to engage in higher order thinking skills bar the basic... remembering.
Fear of an external force is the motivation to behave in desirable ways, but without comprehension of why xyz behavior is correct.



I do agree you have a point. As a last resort though it could help?


I can see of no way in which it would help. You are assuming that fear of physical pain would motivate the child to control themselves where before they just weren't motivated enough. But if all the other things have been tried- and they are strong motivators, then motivation isn't the problem. There is a different problem and that needs to be found.

I am a parent (probably some other posters are too) so it isn't just a theoretical exercise. A parent needs to find the tools that will get a child to control their behaviour and act in an appropriate manner. Corporal punishment teaches only one thing: 'if I do/ don't do X Mom or Dad will spank me'. If they really have the capacity for full self control, that can work....when they have to answer to Mom and Dad.

But it doesn't get generalized into 'do/don't do X because of Y consequence (other than spanking). Doing/not doing X all hinges on the corporal punishment so once they get too old to spank or otherwise get away from parental control, there is no consequence to their actions until they get arrested. That's an endgame parents want to avoid and spanking leads towards it rather than away from it.

Making the child fix (to the best of their ability) the problem their bad action caused or taking away privileges actually teach and continue on to adulthood. I could have spanked my toddler daughter when she picked up a bowl of pankcake batter and dumped it on the floor. But that would have taught her nothing except 'Mommy will spank if I dump things'. That's a lesson that doesn't go very far. Actually having to clean it up (to the best of her ability) taught the actual consequence of such an action. Plus then there were no pancakes.

Taking away privileges has the benefit that the privileges can be re-instated in steps as the child works towards controlling the behaviour. It isn't an all-or-nothing deal and small improvements win back small re-instatements. This makes controlling the behaviour an achievable goal since it can be done a step at a time, which is easier for a child (and for an adult).


I suppose that is better. I don't have children but a younger brother and sister. My mum let's my sister backchat her and and ways gives in to pestering. Really isn't good.


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12 Jul 2015, 5:54 pm

Even mild corporal punishment is bad IMO. Unfortunately I was raised by very violent parents and violence occurred in my family of origin on nearly a daily basis if not everyday. The most frequent was sibling on sibling, I don't think that was terribly traumatic for any of us. The my dad hitting my mom was terribly traumatic. My mom and dad hitting is kids was probably the worst, not only did I fear for my siblings safety, but mine as well. I often stood in for my youngest sisters when they were as young as 2 years old and now eligible for being beaten. Occasionally my brother and next youngest sister did the same, until they were at least 4 years old. Anyway that led me to thinking mild corporal punishment is probably okay. It's not, my kids remember every incident where it got physical even when it was very mild according to how I was raised. And it changed nothing in the long run it just made them resentful for a week or so and it gave them bad memories.

Now as for me and the environment I was raised in it caused severe and long term problems and those problems are likely going to shorten my lifespan and in the meantime I have a lot of unpleasant issues to deal with, I have very few pleasant childhood memories, and I am disproportionately grateful for even the smallest amount of respect and care for my well being.

ETA: There were too many times to count where I was punished for my personality driven behavior i.e. not being social enough because I am very introverted, interrupting for whatever reason I don't know why I do that, not being empathetic enough, and not being into caring about things everyone else cares about. So there is that element as well, we shouldn't punish people over personality driven behavior some of it can be modified, but some of it is not going to be very easily if at all modified. It seems to me that "mild" punishment is going to be aimed at Neuroatypicals a whole lot more than NT's and that should be discouraged and condemned.



cathylynn
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12 Jul 2015, 6:06 pm

cathylynn wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
cathylynn wrote:
medical studies show that kids who are spanked are more likely to have slower brain development, be more anxious and angry and become delinquent. when they grow up, they are more likely to be obese and have arthritis and cardiovascular disease.


The brain is part of the body. So slower brain development, anxiety, obesity, arthritis and cardiovascular disease are part of the punishment. If you're strong-willed enough, you'll avoid the worst parts, so you get what you have coming. Where's the problem?

did you miss the part about more likely to become delinquent?


sounds like you are willing to do serious permanent damage to your kids. so i hope you don't have any.



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12 Jul 2015, 6:43 pm

If we're talking about corporal punishment within the adult penal system, it's still wrong. We send people to prison as punishment, not to receive punishment.



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12 Jul 2015, 7:10 pm

cathylynn wrote:
medical studies show that kids who are spanked are more likely to have slower brain development, be more anxious and angry and become delinquent. when they grow up, they are more likely to be obese and have arthritis and cardiovascular disease.

The people that built this country's (USA) infrastructure were raised during an era when kids comonly were regulary spanked (read beaten) for anything and with anything at hand.
The only way I could be reached as a kid sometimes was by hitting me or the threat of being hit.

"Studies" are often the result of someone's personal agenda.
Have an agenda and make sure the data for your study is cherry picked to fit it. When people pick it apart just accuse them of being nazis.


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12 Jul 2015, 10:42 pm

Raptor wrote:
cathylynn wrote:
medical studies show that kids who are spanked are more likely to have slower brain development, be more anxious and angry and become delinquent. when they grow up, they are more likely to be obese and have arthritis and cardiovascular disease.

The people that built this country's (USA) infrastructure were raised during an era when kids comonly were regulary spanked (read beaten) for anything and with anything at hand.
The only way I could be reached as a kid sometimes was by hitting me or the threat of being hit.

"Studies" are often the result of someone's personal agenda.
Have an agenda and make sure the data for your study is cherry picked to fit it. When people pick it apart just accuse them of being nazis.


Feel free to cite peer reviewed studies that support your side.



Spiderpig
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12 Jul 2015, 11:20 pm

cathylynn wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
The brain is part of the body. So slower brain development, anxiety, obesity, arthritis and cardiovascular disease are part of the punishment. If you're strong-willed enough, you'll avoid the worst parts, so you get what you have coming. Where's the problem?

did you miss the part about more likely to become delinquent?


No, I didn't. I didn't mention it because it's too complex to consider it part of the punishment. But, if they become delinquents, let them be punished as such. Besides, if you keep them busy and isolated enough while they grow up, they're unlikely to become successful delinquents.


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13 Jul 2015, 10:19 am

Spiderpig wrote:
cathylynn wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
The brain is part of the body. So slower brain development, anxiety, obesity, arthritis and cardiovascular disease are part of the punishment. If you're strong-willed enough, you'll avoid the worst parts, so you get what you have coming. Where's the problem?

did you miss the part about more likely to become delinquent?


No, I didn't. I didn't mention it because it's too complex to consider it part of the punishment. But, if they become delinquents, let them be punished as such. Besides, if you keep them busy and isolated enough while they grow up, they're unlikely to become successful delinquents.


Parents are trying to raise kids into functioning adults, not get revenge on them for misbehaving. Sometimes parents cause dysfunction and damage in their kids through terrible choice in punishments. But this is an unintended outcome, not the kid "getting what's coming to them".

The goal of parents when punishing their kids is entirely different from the goal of school systems or judicial systems which also hand out punishments. The goal of the school systems and judicial systems when punishing is to maintain order. The goal of parents when punishing is to steer their children towards a path that will ultimately be better for them.

Schools (but not judicial systems) will say that their goal in punishing overlaps with parents in that they want to steer too, but they have nothing at stake as far as the ultimate fate of the kid goes. Parents are thinking about the entire lifespan of the child and trying to steer them in a way that will have lifetime benefits for the child's soul (if religious), morality, ethics and quality of life. Different parents weight these things differently which leads to different sorts of punishments, but none of them want their kids to have anxiety or cardiovascular disease or be a delinquent (unless a career criminal family). Those are unintended outcomes,not intended punishments. Schools say their goals are that too but at best their goal ends when the kid leaves their school system.

When you give an ok to punishments that could have really bad outcomes and call those outcomes 'part of the punishment', you aren't understanding why parents punish. The parents who go ahead with those punishments do so because they think the outcomes will be good, not because they want the bad outcomes as part of the punishment.