When is it bullying?

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Does bullying require intent to intimidate or hurt or can it be bullying when someone is simply self absorbed and rude? Are all insults bullying, and is it bullying when it's something that most wouldn't consider offensive but the person who it's said to does? What about when it's something important like making someone take their medicine or eat a meal? Is it bullying to not include or invite someone, and can it be bullying to just ignore someone and leave them out even if you aren't rude to them? Is it bullying to disagree or debate with someone? Is it bullying to hold hands with your bf or gf in public when someone without a bf or gf can see it? (Yes, I've actually seen people say it is) and can a self proclaimed victim do something and it not be bullying but a more alpha type do the same thing but it be labeled bullying?

In other words, what's the definition and how do we pinpoint what is and isn't bullying?

Now why would anyone do a damn fool thing like narrow the definition of a loaded word so they couldn't misapply it at will?

Interesting Topic OOM for me I think bullying is when you follow someone around and taunt them as in schoolyard bullying.
Debating isn't bullying unless one debater is throwing insults to the other person, Leaving someone out like when you have a party no if you don't deliberately invite people in front of the person you don't want to invite.
Well that's what I think anyway.

Most definitions I have seen require hostile intent

Oh darlin' don't worry. There's always microaggressions and we will always have Twitter. #jazzhands, #saferoom, #triggeredlivesmatter

You have to be harassing someone that doesn't want to be bothered as well as that person being someone who isn't consciously or actively provoking you. Obviously if someone starts a food fight of some kind and it's not going well for them they can't invoke 'bullying' on the way out.

As a parent you're an authority figure so the measurement changes more toward whether or not a child is being given the autonomy they've earned through their own development and consistency of sound judgment (or lack of autonomy due to a lack of that). Sometimes you have to have them do things that they don't like such as chores or homework. The thing that's tough about this these days, and I really feel bad for anyone raising a kid these days in this respect, is the means of actually asserting that authority have been so legally interrupted that in some court cases even just grounding a son or daughter from attending a yearly school field trip or outing constituted something that the child could sue for and win in court. I'm not even sure what to suggest in that case aside from just keep a keen eye on boundaries, on what behavior will get a son or daughter destroyed either among their peers or in the adult work world, try to work gently with them on it and perhaps only resort to grounding or punishment of that variety if antisocial behavior crosses the right kind of line and they're just not interested in addressing it of their own volition and tough love is the only remedy left.

Real debate is just about as far from bullying as you can get, but it's also extremely rare. I'd say it can become bullying if you make points personally against your opponent when you both know you are stronger than them and will reply with physical aggression if they dare attempt to defend themself verbally.

In my mind, BULLYING is when someone deliberately sets forth to TORMENT a person or group with bad behavior.

Offending someone is not bullying.

Telling someone they are wrong (or expressing opinions to the same) is not bullying.

Telling someone they are fat is not bullying (if it's true). However, if you go about taunting them for being fat, then you're being a bully.

Threatening someone (by any means) to make them do what you want is bullying.

It's just as simple as that: intent.

Getting your way via verbal abuse. Silencing others. Also bullying.

Why do you ask?

Because I saw something on another thread about bullying and I thought a discussion of what people see bullying as would be interesting. That's why. No ulterior motives at all, I just thought that an interesting topic on a discussion forum would be a good idea.

IMO bullying is when you are harassing someone and teasing them and they have told you to stop and you keep doing it.

It depends on context. People can ignore someone just to hurt them and make them feel bad about themselves. It would be like me inviting the whole group to my house but refusing to invite one person because I didn't like them and I did it just to hurt them. Six years back there was something that happened between a member and me on here and we happened to see each other at our group and guess what she did, she ignored me and when my groups did a pot luck, she was talking to everyone at the table but didn't include me and she offered to take everyone's plates but not mine and I didn't care if she was ignoring me. I wasn't sure if she was doing it to hurt me but I didn't care because I was glad she was ignoring me because at least I wouldn't have to deal with her abuse and meanness and nastiness and she wouldn't mess with me and I was glad. I didn't have to worry about what she could do to me. So in a way she did me a big favor even if it might have backfired for her.



Context again. It's about how you do it. Look at child abusers for example. They may be doing what all normal parents do such as not allowing their child to wear certain things or not allowing them to be with their friends but it's all about context and how they do it. Bully parents will belittle their child and make fun of them and call them names and choke them or beat them, etc. because a kid refused to finish their supper. Normal parents would just say "Fine, I guess you're not hungry for dessert" and put a plastic thing over their plate and stick it in the fridge and when their kid does want to eat, they will tell their kid their food is in the fridge they refused to finish for dinner. Now as a parent I wouldn't expect my kid to clean their plate, I would want them to eat enough and then they can have dessert. I don't want to teach my kid to over eat and I understand about wanting to save room for dessert.



Context again. I say if it's a repeated offense over and over and the person full well knows it bothers someone but they still keep on doing it, I call it bullying. Same as if they are just following the person all over on the forum and making rude posts to them when responding to their posts. When someone does that to me online, I feel I am being harassed because it's continued behavior, not a one time thing. I do feel I am being targeted and picked on. Now if they were doing that to everyone, I then think they are just rude people in general and they are not targeting anyone, it's all random but if they were only doing it to me but they sound nice to other people when responding to their posts, I feel harassed and I find that is when it's appropriate to bring it to a moderator's attention.

I also think trying to provoke someone to attack you and to get them started and all upset is also bullying because you are deliberately trying to get them all riled up by saying things to them you know may upset them and get them started.

Some people have defined bullying as mere criticism of somebody, or telling them something they don't want to hear, especially if that person is not a white, straight, cis gender, Christian male.

i.e.: being called racist because one thinks Obamacare has some flaws, or being called misogynist because they disagree with Hillary's foreign policy.

It seems that telling someone something they don't want to hear is bullying to some. Go check out what someone just called bullying by me on the thread in Work and finding a job called "Do I have a legal case?"

I pointed out that I didn't see something as unsafe and the guy went off. I've been trying to point out some simple facts but that is called bullying now. Go check it out and tell me what you think.

Bullying, to me, requires the intent to intimidate, to harass, to inflict pain, or to drive a person away.

This is especially so if more than one person is involved.