Partly why I lost my faith in God

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I grew up in a Christian home and my parents also took me to a Church of Christ. I don't exactly remember when I accepted Christ as my savior or if I ever did but I was surrounded by people who believed in God and told me bible stories to the point I couldn't help but believe in them. I was even baptized in that same church and was told the bible was going to be my "guide". God supposedly had a plan for me and whenever I was sad, I was told to stop complaining because God's "plan" was going to come into my life.

For a long time, I actually started visualizing what I hoped that plan was. I thought I was going to meet a girl I talked to online and get married to her, have two or three kids with her, and play in a band. Unfortunately, those visions were a waste of time. The girl always had a new boyfriend every few months or so and only saw me as some guy on her AIM list and the only few truly musical people I knew at school already had their band established and I was only a potential understudy that had little to no chance of actually joining them. Eventually the girl cut me off and I got pushed into job training, driving school, and library volunteering by my parents so the band idea faded into obscurity. I became depressed because no girls expressed interest in me (I was also too shy to approach) and the job training gave me headaches as well as discouragement for the future. For all the talk about God caring for me and having a plan for me, it didn't feel like it at all.

I no longer buy into any dogma. If God didn't do anything back then, why would He do anything now? I feel as if I am just walking to my death everyday I continue to live.

God seems to want you to make your own way.

That’s pretty much what people like Thomas Jefferson believed.

If I believed in God, I wouldn’t expect Him to answer my prayers. You just can’t rely on that,

God seems to want you to make your own way.

That’s pretty much what people like Thomas Jefferson believed.

If I believed in God, I wouldn’t expect Him to answer my prayers. You just can’t rely on that,

Most Bible Belters don't know what Deism is. They don't even read their own bibles very often. They care more about the Friday night football game or the upcoming Toby Keith concert. They go to church to make themselves feel like they've been absolved so they can commit more transgressions because they claim God is always going to forgive them or they think just as long as they cheerlead for God that they are going to be "saved".

I do agree the Deist outlook makes more sense than the mainstream Bible Belt Christianity outlook. The whole "plan" outlook pretty much means your life isn't in your control and you better hope it will go good but if it doesn't, too bad but if you take it with a smile, you just might get your reward in Heaven.

Exactly.

Everybody also told me that when you go to Heaven, you will be lobotomized and not worry about needing a girlfriend or partner anymore. That and other stuff we will no longer feel a desire for.

I even found some groups of faith that don't agree with that traditional narrative that made me feel a little better sometimes, but I still get depressed about the history and theology behind this stuff.

I can understand your specific suffering sometimes.