I've decided to run for President.

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Good news everyone! I've decided to run for President of the United States!

My party will be called the World Dictatorship Party. The philosophy of my party is simple and easy to handle. All the other parties are corrupt anyway, so you might as well vote for the party that openly endorses the concept of world dictatorship. Every mature adult knows that human beings are naturally hierarchal. Our desire for freedom is just immaturity that some people never outgrow. Therefore, world dictatorship is the best system.

When good people die, they go to heaven, so why do we need a good political system here on earth? God will reward you in the afterlife for putting up with my reign of terror!

How I Shall Rule:
- All music is banned except for me playing a trombone while intoxicated.
- Farting is banned. Anyone caught farting will be sent to jail.
- I will protect the people from the communist menace by sending all potential communists to gulags in Siberia.
- Being a tree is banned. Any tree who choses to continue being a tree will be uprooted and sent to a jail for trees.
- The Lorax is banned because it encourages people to be sympathetic towards trees. Why do you love trees so much? Aren't you on team human? Are you secretly a tree in disguise?
- Pepperoni pizza will be the currency of my world dictatorship.
- Porn is banned because it contains men who are sexier than me. REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
- Happiness is banned because anyone who is happy probably just farted or watched porn.
- I will stop using drones to kill innocent civilians in the Middle East. Instead, I will send chefs to turn innocent Middle Eastern people into soup and then use the soup to end world hunger.
- All people will be sent back to the homeland of their ancestors. The fate of interracial people will be decided with a coin flip.
- I will create new factories which emit botulinum toxin instead of CO2. Given that botulinum toxin makes up less than 0.001% of earth's atmosphere, it shouldn't be too big a deal.
- Every New Year, everyone on earth will be assigned a random number between one and five. Then, people will be encouraged to murder everyone who has a different number. What? You don't think that random numbers matter? That sounds like something a (((four))) would say!
- Driving sober would be illegal. We need drunk driving because it helps the human organ trade and creates jobs.
- If anyone criticises my regime, I will say "Life isn't about political pontificating! Life is about hard work! If you want to live a good life, you should just do more work for me. Is that really so hard to understand? Idiot!"
- If anyone criticises me, I will point out that I own the world and make the trains run on time. Don't like my regime? Just move to another planet you ungrateful bastard! Jupiter is right there. You wanna move there? Yeah ... I thought not ... so shut the Hell up!

Finally! A political platform that makes sense!

Alright, but I'm really going struggle with the fact that my money is delicious and I want to eat it.

Hey Dude, I am already the President of USA and doing exactly as you wrote.
I'm suing you as a fraud.

I've thought about running too.

Here's my plan:
I'll take the entire military budget and spend it on building classical architecture instead, like cathedrals, castles and palaces.

God made the tardigrade in his image, and gave the tardigrade a soul.

Alright. It's time for me to come clean and reveal the meaning behind this piece of satire.

I made this thread because there are plenty of people who would probably enjoy living in a dictatorship, even though they do not outwardly support totalitarianism. Whenever I hear people say ...

"Life isn't about your internet opinions! Life is about hard work, struggle and personal sacrifice!"
"We need strong leadership!"
"There are too many slackers in our society!"
"I admire all kinds of military might."
"Killing is okay if our team is doing the killing."
"People have become too irresponsible."
"Society has become too permissive."
"Men naturally need a strong authority figure to prevent chaos and mob rule."
"Modern society fosters irresponsible behavior!"
"We no longer have a unified identity."
"I admire a leader who simply doesn't give a s**t!"
"It's time to punish degeneracy."

... I think "You would probably be a lot happier living in a dictatorship."

Dictatorships don't start with outright calls for dictatorship. They start with people vaguely ranting about "irresponsibility", "degeneracy" or whatever.

"Fascism and Nazism are psychologically far sounder than any hedonistic conception of life. Whereas socialism, and even capitalism in a more grudging way, have said to people 'I offer you a good time,' Hitler has said to them 'I offer you struggle, danger and death,' and as a result a whole nation flings itself at his feet."
- George Orwell

Someone should nominate a cat to run for president, and of course I should be the one taking care of the cat...and thus I would speak on behalf of the cat. Its my ploy for presidency...

If trump can become president a Cat or an Orangutan should be able to, and would be better at the job.

I'll have to find my voter registration card.