Why Men's Issues Matter

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Another issue that arises when one group attemps to take up issues faced by another group. The concept of ownship.

I don't have ownership of men's issues, and I may be seen as the enemy until proven otherwise, so I must be significantly more careful in my wording so I am not misinterpreted, or do not unintentionally misrepresent myself. Sometimes, however, it is impossible if a person has strictly defined you as an enemy as they will find a way to interpret anything you say in a negative light.

Having experience in being perceived and treated as male in various social situations, and having been in primarily male environments most of my adult working life, I do not believe in "male privilege." I have no problem acknowledging male issues; however, I do object to the following"

1. Piggy-backing on, or attempting to interject male issues into discussions clearly centered on women's issues.

2. Moronic "Who has it harder?" debates, or complete dismissal of women's issues as being less valid or important.

3. Having the focus of "men's rights" being cutting back or removing women's rights.

4. Blaming men's struggles entirely on women without recognizing the role other men play in male hardships.

And, before anyone jumps on me, I also don't like when the reverse happens.

I'm going to interject something that might be even more controversial than the OP but I think it's worth mentioning.

I don't think we should bother with absolute 50/50 equality across all domains.

If certain things are stilted in favor of women or men and there's a practical reason for it it should be left alone.

If the number of people who are willing to work 80-90 hours per week to be corporate execs and the overwhelming majority of people willing to work those hours, already double or triple outliers of the population, are men - so be it.

If women are far better nurses by and large or far better at other tasks in particular - so be it. If engineering is dominated by people who are into things more than people and that accordingly seems to be predominantly men and to some degree autistic spectrum women - so be it.

If it seems hypocritical that a woman can cut the girl's room line at the bar and use the men's room but a guy doing the reverse would get arrested or thrown out - women generally don't rape men in such situations, so be it.


We're not tabula rasa, men and women are different, and we have to be very careful not to let activism or push for equality, from the men's or women's issues side, attempt to run roughshod over what's actually happening. Sure, we should have venues to explore our potentials but we're most likely going to find that millions of years of largely bimodal evolution have more impact than our tautologies.

I think we can lose common sense if someone sets up the conversation to be 'everything needs to be 50/50 even'. What kind of draconian steamroller are we going to use to flatten the territory to fit our desired map?

My personal take on "Male Issues" follows. Note that comparisons ("Men are more likely than women...") are based on statistical facts, and not on sexist perceptions.

Any man expressing interest in becoming an interior decorator, poet, or actor will have his sexuality questioned by both men and women.

Crying over the loss of a woman is unacceptable, while crying over the loss of a dog is okay.

For a man, acting outside gender roles can result in social fallout from both men and women.

For a man, any deviation from purely 'macho' behavior is seen as a sign of weakness by both men and women.

It's hard to talk to a woman without her (or others) automatically assuming that I am hitting on her for sex (I was once accused of harassment for saying "Good morning" to a receptionist, and then again after I started avoiding her).

Male reproductive organs are more vulnerable to injury than a woman's.

Other men who disagree with me want to physically hurt me, especially when I am are right and they are wrong.

Testosterone makes us aggressive, and a sudden surge of testosterone can make us violent.

There is little to no social support for financial, psychological, or physical problems.

We are brainwashed into never to admitting weakness, confusion or doubt, and we struggle with loneliness because of it.

We are expected to still come to work with a 103° fever, explosive diarrhea and projectile vomiting.

We are expected to succeed no matter what we do -- whether it is carrying on the family business, producing heirs, or avenging the family name.

We are genetically weaker than women; therefore, we die younger than women.

We are more likely than women to be accused of pedophilia if we are seen alone with children that are not our own.

We are more likely than women to be crippled by work-related injuries.

We are more likely than women to be forced to fight for our country if there's a draft.

We are more likely than women to be ignored when expressing discomfort or pain.

We are more likely than women to be injured in recreational activities.

We are more likely than women to be seen as aggressive people or threats even when we are quiet and relaxed.

We are more likely than women to be socially expected to hold down a steady job

We are more likely than women to be victims of violent crime.

We are more likely than women to develop afflictions like Autism, ADD, ADHD, and Dyslexia.

We are more likely than women to die young (e.g., in our teens and twenties).

We are more likely than women to go to prison.

We are more likely than women to lose our parental rights in the event of divorce.

We become stigmatized by our peers for expressing any emotions other than joy or anger.

We can be easily fooled into believing that the children we are raising are our own offspring.

We end up homeless more often than women.

We end up loners more often than women.

We pay more than women for car insurance, especially at a younger age.

We pay to get into clubs and bars (Where are the "Gentlemen's Nights" being held?).

We tend to be progressively more distracted by sexual cues the longer we go without sex.

We tend to develop social poise at a later age.

We tend to have a harder time in social situations.

While sex is not the only thing on our minds, the topic is always lurking somewhere in the background.

[I]Okay, now everybody gets the opportunity to rip me apart for hypocrisy.

deleted at fellow WP'ers request.

Any man expressing interest in becoming an interior decorator, poet, or actor will have his sexuality questioned by both men and women.

^ This is a result of toxic masculinity. Yes, it needs to change. Any person has the right to pursue their own interests without discimination and judgment

Crying over the loss of a woman is unacceptable, while crying over the loss of a dog is okay.

^Toxic masculinity again

For a man, acting outside gender roles can result in social fallout from both men and women.

^Toxic masculinity. Also, women have this as well.

For a man, any deviation from purely 'macho' behavior is seen as a sign of weakness by both men and women.

^Toxic masculinity

It's hard to talk to a woman without her (or others) automatically assuming that I am hitting on her for sex (I was once accused of harassment for saying "Good morning" to a receptionist, and then again after I started avoiding her).

I dunno - could be the approach. I work with both men and women. I say "hello" or "good morning" to everyone. They all say, "good morning" or "hello" to me. No problems. I can't really comment about your own personal situation without having witnessed it. So I can't really comment on this one.

Male reproductive organs are more vulnerable to injury than a woman's.

Only from physical trauma (and there are jock straps for sports or activities where there is this kind of risk). Women's reproductive organs are actually more vulnerable to disease. If a woman contracts a sexually transmittable disease (e.g. chlamydia), she will usually be asymptomatic. Slowly, she may have increased infection and inflammation that could render her sterile or make it difficult to conceive if she chooses. On the other hand, when a man develops these STI's - he will often have physical symptoms quickly, allowing for quick diagnosis and treatment. The term "pissing razorblades" is based on this type of symptom.

With cuts to Planned Parenthood, it is more difficult for both women and men to get accurate, non judgmental and affordable information on sexual health (as well as treatment).

Other men who disagree with me want to physically hurt me, especially when I am are right and they are wrong.

Toxic masculinity promotes violence over dialogue.
Women are also afraid of these men. If a man approaches a woman to converse with her or hit on her and she makes indication that she wants to be left alone - the man may physically harm her - it happens lots. The same type of man will likely use violence against other men as well.

Testosterone makes us aggressive, and a sudden surge of testosterone can make us violent.

Have you heard of PMS?? ! This is just excuses for bad behaviour. If I don't get violent with my hormonal imbalances once per month (and I get nasty PMS), then men need to learn to control themselves and stop making excuses.

There is little to no social support for financial, psychological, or physical problems.

Indeed - this is why men need safe places to discuss issues (without trying to undermine or take away from women's equality and issues). Also, at the risk of repeating myself - Toxic Masculinity is the root of much of these problems.

We are brainwashed into never to admitting weakness, confusion or doubt, and we struggle with loneliness because of it.

Toxic Masculinity

We are expected to still come to work with a 103° fever, explosive diarrhea and projectile vomiting.


Surely this is hyperbole. If you came to my workplace this sick, I would send you home. If your employer is this much of a sadist - I would quit.

We are expected to succeed no matter what we do -- whether it is carrying on the family business, producing heirs, or avenging the family name.

And women are exempt from this .. how? We are expected to be beautiful, be smart (but not smarter than our husbands/boyfriends), be successful, be mothers and be 'perfect' mothers, etc.

"Avenging the family name" - what is this? the Hatfields and McCoys? the Capulets and Montagues? Cue the 21st Century please...

We are genetically weaker than women; therefore, we die younger than women.

Really? I work in gerontology (although,I am not a geneticist,so I don't know all the latest regarding this specialized field), but men usually die younger due to lifestyle choices (e.g. risk taking behaviour) and, with Toxic Masculinity, may avoid seeking medical treatment and follow up for health concerns.

We are more likely than women to be accused of pedophilia if we are seen alone with children that are not our own.

This is a sad situation in an overly cautious society. Just behave appropriately (i.e. don't touch, don't offer gifts or candy, ask parent's permission to take a photo or interact with more than customary pleasantries). BTW - as a middle aged woman, I do this as well, I would never ask a child into my home, offer a child anything (food or gifts) without speaking to the child's parents to assure them that I am sincere and safe.

We are more likely than women to be crippled by work-related injuries.

They tend to do the more risky, physical jobs. This needs to be brought up at Worksafe and WCB. Unionizing is also a good way to have better worksite safety. For sure this is an issue and I would support workplace regulation and unions to ensure that workers are safe on the job.

We are more likely than women to be forced to fight for our country if there's a draft.

Most wars will be fought with drones. Also, with nuclear arms, we don't really need soldiers on the ground (in the numbers needed to require conscription). Again,cue the 21st Century.

We are more likely than women to be ignored when expressing discomfort or pain.

Ha Ha Ha!! ! Women are told that our pain is "all in our head". Or, if a woman is over a size 12, she will be told she needs to lose weight.

I think both genders are equally ignored when it comes to pain.

Regardless - most health care professionals will use pain scales and try to be objective about treating pain.

We are more likely than women to be injured in recreational activities.

It depends on the recreational activities and risk taking behaviours. If I play a friendly game of chess, I'm not likely to be injured. When I snowboarded, I tore my knee. Ocean kayaking - pretty tame: Rock Climbing - higher risk.

This one is entirely about choice and the risks go up or down based on ones individual choice.

We are more likely than women to be seen as aggressive people or threats even when we are quiet and relaxed.

Where women, when we attempt to state our needs or stand up for ourselves assertively,will be called a "b***h". If women AREN"T quiet and relaxed, we are given grief.

We are more likely than women to be socially expected to hold down a steady job

If a woman expects to pay her bills, she would be expected to hold a steady job as well. Is there some sort of special "women's support fund" that I haven't heard about yet. Where do I get this money that will pay for me to live without working??

We are more likely than women to be victims of violent crime.

Maybe - but women are more likely to be victims of sexual violent crime and domestic abuse

We are more likely than women to develop afflictions like Autism, ADD, ADHD, and Dyslexia.

Women have been shown to be overlooked in diagnoses of these conditions, as they present differently than there male counterparts (ergo, receiving much less specialized support). Boys and men are more likely to be quickly diagnosed early and receive supports - so this whole "stat" is a no go.

We are more likely than women to die young (e.g., in our teens and twenties).

Yeah - try controlling that testosterone and stop speeding (many males die in MVAs)

We are more likely than women to go to prison.

I don't know the stats, so I can't comment one way or another. It might have to do with risk taking behaviours. Or it might have to do with public perception of reportable crimes (i.e. a violent crime will more likely be reported, investigated, charges laid and conviction). Again, I don't have enough information at my fingertips to say one way or another.

We are more likely than women to lose our parental rights in the event of divorce.

I don't know the Family Law in different juridictions, so I won't comment

We become stigmatized by our peers for expressing any emotions other than joy or anger.

Toxic masculinity

We can be easily fooled into believing that the children we are raising are our own offspring.

Again, cue the 21st century. Paternity testing!! ! I guess this stat is technically correct though... a woman will have more difficulty proving that the children she gave birth to aren't hers (LOL!)

We end up homeless more often than women.

Street homelessness or functional homelessness? There are many, many homeless women. They live in their cars, they couch surf, stay with family/friends, as well as shelters and on the street. They are less visible than male homeless because they MAKE themselves less visible (due to threats to their safety). Also, for able bodied men and women who are homeless or at risk of homelessness - then able bodied man is more likely to get a better paying labourers job, where the woman will make less at a female dominated job (as discimination still exists in the workplace).

We end up loners more often than women.

Toxic masculinity and/or personal choice

We pay more than women for car insurance, especially at a younger age.

actuaries have figured this one out. remember one of the big causes of death and injury to young men - MVAs?? Young men(as a group) drive faster and take bigger risks. Is there a better way for insurance companies to determine risk that isn't based on gender? I would like to think so. What are some ideas, float these to legislators and insurance companies.

We pay to get into clubs and bars (Where are the "Gentlemen's Nights" being held?).

I'm sorry, I guffawed at this one!! ! When a bar has a "Ladies Night" - they are trying to get women into the establishment with cheap drinks and maybe some entertainment. The club or bar opens to everyone a little later in the evening (so the straight men can sidle up to the already loosened up women and try to get her number). "Ladies Nights" are actually designed by and for men to gather available women! Pu-leeze!

We tend to be progressively more distracted by sexual cues the longer we go without sex.

I am guffawing again. "Ooooooh. The testosterone! I can't control myself. I am a victim of my manhood." Pu-leeze.

Again, I am PMS Woman (Marvel, quick write me as a superhero!!). I get mega horny around mid cycle. I have a left hand. I have a right hand. So do the fellows Next!...

We tend to develop social poise at a later age.

I have two kids, a boy (on the spectrum) and a girl. I get to see children, tweens, teens in the schools and neighourhood. They all do pretty good.

We tend to have a harder time in social situations.

Maybe for someone with ASD, but, for the most part - I find men and women equally in socilizing (with individual variations, of course)

While sex is not the only thing on our minds, the topic is always lurking somewhere in the background.

Yes, sex is deep need (for both genders), but NO ONE OWES ANYONE SEXUAL ACTIVITY. Again, we have a left hand and a right hand. We can use the services of an escort. You can watch some porn (with consenting, adult actors), etc.

If males need more support on how to engage with women in order to have a relationship (which may or not involve sexual activity - remember NO ONE OWES ANYONE SEXUAL ACTIVITY), then, absolutely, having support groups and therapy sessions involving socializing and dating would be useful.

So - in response overall - you're statistics are a little skewed. There is also some inherent sexism towards women in your list. On the most part though - if you have specific concerns regarding male equality and male issues - but all means, advocate yourself and get others to advocate with you. Join organizations that support POSITIVE CHANGES so that men feel more supported in society. Ironically, many of these issues are addressed by feminist groups, as it is well recognized that Toxic Masculinity is bad for everyone (wherever they are on the gender spectrum).

Please note: I used a little humour in my responses, but I am not trying to mock you or your concerns. I do think some of your stats are questionable, but on the most part, they are a good way to open dialougue about how men are functioning (or not) in a society based on Toxic Masculinity and some changes that can be made so that we all can live a safe, productive and joyful life.